Jaxon: Four Months

Height & Weight:  13 pounds and 12 ounces and 25 inches :)



Routine:  If you remember last month, I tossed all the books aside and decided to let Jaxon lead.  We've been a much happier duo :)  He's still too young to really have a schedule and our routine is usually nap when he gets sleepy, nurse when he wakes up, play until he gets sleepy.  Sometimes he nurses before his naps and sometimes he doesn't.  Just depends on how hungry the little milk monster is.




Sleeping:  The past month was great with sleep until this past week when we were approaching the 4 month mark.  We've definitely hit the 4 month sleep regression, which I somehow forgot existed.  Until this point, he was sleeping for 6-7 hour stretches at night.  It was great!  He'd sleep off and on until somewhere between 11-12am, nurse and then go back to sleep until anywhere between 6am-8am, nurse, and go back down for another 2 hours now.  Now?  He's waking every 1-2 hours.  It's killing me!  Thankfully he just wakes to nurse and then goes back to sleep relatively quickly.  (He might not even need to nurse but it calms him and gets him (us) to sleep faster so I'm all for it.)
His naps range anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour, but never more than hour.  I would say 90% of the time he puts himself to sleep.  I notice his tired cues, put him in his zippy, lay him down, he talks to himself for about 10 minutes, maybe fusses for 5 minutes (fusses, not cries), and then he's out!
We are officially out of the swaddle and are in a Zipadee-Zip.  It works so well for him.  He's now sleeping on his side and I'm worried soon he'll roll onto his belly.  The Zippy provides some restraint so it still mimics the womb and makes him feel secure.  It also helps to control the startle reflex so he doesn't wake from that.  But his arms and legs are free enough that he can use them to roll himself.  Not to mention, he looks too adorable in it!

Diet/Eating:  He is still 100% breastfed :)

Health:  At the doctor this week, I voiced some concerns and she confirmed what I had been wondering for a while and that is that he has acid reflux.  I thought he might have some food allergies because he seems to get tummy aches easily, more so in the evening.  I know milk and eggs are common allergies so I cut those out and it still happened.  She said it's hard to tell in babies, but after asking a few more questions, she thinks the stomach discomfort might be from acid reflux.  We got some meds and after a few short weeks, we should start to see some improvement in his spitting up and discomfort.
Other than that, his doctor said he looks perfect!!!  Makes this mama happy!!!



Movement:  Wiggle.Worm.  This kid is always moving.  Flailing about!  He's always kicking his legs, flailing his arms, swatting at toys, etc.  This kid looooooves to move!  I am in for a world of trouble once he's mobile.

He's not rolling just yet.  A few days ago he did roll from his back to belly but I think it was a fluke.  He does roll on his sides a lot, and he scoots himself all over the place.  When we lay him down at night, by the time he wakes up, he's done a complete 180 and is laying the opposite direction.



Mood:  We've reached a turning point I think.  Not that he was a "bad" baby before, but I feel like his fussy times are very infrequent now.  He's always smiling and talking to himself.  He loves to smile when he sees us and it's my absolute favorite thing ever.

Sizes: He is out of all 0-3 month clothes (minus Puma brand, he's still in 0-3 in that) and now in 3 month or 3-6 month clothing.  Most 3-6 month clothes are really big on him, but it's better than clothes cutting into his armpits and junk.  I had to retire so many of his adorable sleepers and it makes me so sad because sleepers are my favorite attire for babies.  Shorts are a different story.  His waist is too big for newborn; they squeeze him too much.  But all of his 0-3 shorts (I'm talking the cute plaid or "nice" shorts, not cotton casual shorts) are huge on him!  They are loose in the waist and come down almost to his ankles!  Thus why my child is always pantless.

Likes:  Human interaction.  He just likes for you to pay attention to him and talk to him.  Making silly faces and silly noises is sure to get a huge smile from him.  He has the BEST reactions.

Still loving to hold his fists up in the air.

He also is learning to make sounds when I move my fingers on his mouth and he loves it!

He loves tv.  I'm sure it's just the movement and colors and flashes but regardless, he's fixated on it when it's on.  He loves to watch the Cardinals games with us :)
He still loves to sit up so we got him this Sit Me Up Chair and he loves it!

He loves his OBall because it's easy to grab and bring to his mouth.  It's the one toy he can easily grab.
He's still loving being outside.  I cannot wait for it to cool off a little bit so that walks are more bearable for him.  Poor guy gets so hot strapped into that car seat!

Dislikes:  Tummy time.  Kid hates it.  One minute max and he's crying.
Anything spicy.  Sad for mama :(




Milestones:  We got some real laughs, but he doesn't do them often.  He has the widest grin that should come with a audible laugh, but he only laughs occasionally.
He rolled from back to belly, but again, he only did it once.
He still doesn't grasp too many things yet.  He swats at them and attempts it.  He's slowly learning to open his fist to grab things but the only thing he's able to grab is this ball.  We actually picked it up at the store and I didn't think he'd grab it (since he hadn't yet...that's a skill that comes in and is mastered around 5-6 months) but he grabbed it, brought it to his mouth, and started trying to chew it.  (Which was kind of gross since we were still in the store and I hadn't cleaned it yet).  The large holes make it really easy for him to grab.

Things That I Don't Want to Forget:
Jaxon got to meet his family this month!  We traveled home to Missouri and we had a big get together with my family and one with Nick's family (more on this in another post).  It was so great to have my siblings finally meet him.  They loved him and it just makes my heart so happy to look at these pictures of Jaxon with my family.

Mama Update:  I'm doing much better.  My health is still on the mend, but emotionally and mentally, I'm feeling better.  Taking care of Jaxon is the most rewarding thing I've ever done, but also the most difficult. Some days are better than others.  Some days I feel like I'm living Groundhog Day since Jaxon isn't able to do too much and it's too hot to really get out and about and do anything.  But things are getting better as he's becoming a little more active :)


Daddy Update:  Jaxon loves his daddy!!!!  It's adorable to watch their bond growing stronger each day.  It's going to be rough this next month with him gone a lot :(  I know Nick is not looking forward to missing out on his life so much, but that's just the reality of our lifestyle.  Thank goodness for technology.  I can take and send him photos and vidoes and hopefully we can FaceTime while he's gone.

Doggie Update:  Same as last month.  Vino is still slowing warming up.  However, she did lay by him in the hotel.  She laid NEAR him and we forced her to lay down by him, BUT she stayed there and didn't mind it!!  That's progress, folks!

Yadi still loves him and cleans him all the time.

What we did this month:
Jaxon took his first roadtrip!!!  We drove from Jacksonville, FL to St. Louis, Missouri and back.  We split it into two days; traveled halfway, stopping in Chattanooga.  All things considered, he did great!

Jaxon also had his first experience with a babysitter!  A girl in Nick's squadron offered to babysit him while we went out on a date.  She's been great with Jaxon every time we're at a squadron event so I had to issues with leaving him with her.  It was so nice to get out and have our FIRST date since he arrived.  It was long overdue and I'm hoping we can make it at least a monthly thing (when Nick's here).  She said he was great, so let's hope that's true and she wasn't just being nice.  As for me?  I was nervous but not too nervous.  But after those four hours, I was ready to get home and snuggle my baby.

Jaxon also had his first experiences on a slide, a baby swing, and  a swing with his daddy.

He also got to take his first ride in the M3 (we put the top up before leaving) as I learned to drive Nick's car (it's a manual).

Jaxon also was able to experience his first of many trips to the hospital with me.  I had my endoscopy and he came along.  Having him made recovery (pictured below) much better.  I was in pain but snuggling him afterwards helped a lot!  It's been nice having Nick as my support and now I've added another one to my team of supporters.  

Jaxon also got to experience his first at the Northeast Florida Mizzou Alumni Chapter's Watch Party.  Everyone loved him and he loved it.  He was even watching the game!!  Mizzou Class of 2037 right there, folks!!!

My New Job: SAHM

I'm sure a few people have caught on to the fact that Jaxon is past 12 weeks of age and I'm not back at work.  I keep getting asked the question, "When do you go back to work?"

I have made the decision to resign.  It honestly was not a hard decision to make.
(Although it is hard to admit.  Why?  Because so many people have an opinion this subject.)

I plan to write a separate post on why this decision was made (like 45 other posts, it's half written in my drafts folder).  It was a combination of what Nick and I thought was best for Jaxon and the actual job itself.  Neither one was right for me or for us.  But more on that later.

Let me tell you, adjusting to life with a newborn is HARD!
Did you know they don't have schedules?  Even trying to get into a routine is difficult.  (Schedule runs by specific time whereas a routine is not time specific, but more so the same activities/tasks in the same order).
Just when you think you've got them figured out, they go and decide to change things up.  Today he love my playmat. Tomorrow he'll hate it.  And Friday he'll love it again.  For three weeks he's sleeping 9 hours through the night and then suddenly he decides to wake up every 40 minutes.  One day he'll nap for an hour and the next day his naps are 15 minutes tops.

But I wouldn't trade this for anything.  Y'all, this kid.  He makes my heart swell and every day I feel like I'm going to explode from love.  Being home with him everyday, while incredibly difficult, has been so rewarding.  I know being a SAHM isn't for everyone and some can't afford to do it.  While we can't live the same lifestyle we were living before with now only having one income, it's possible for us, and we knew this was the right decision for our family at this time.

So now you all have your answer.  I don't have a date I'm returning to work at my old employer because I have a new boss.  And he happens to be the cutest 3 month old to grace this planet (I'm not baised at all).

Jaxon: Three Months

Height & Weight:  Well, I can't honestly say because we haven't gone to the doctor since his 2 month appointment on July 7th.  He was 10 pounds, 10 ounces then, so my guess is he's around 12ish now??  He's got a few small rolls on him, which are adorable.  The kid has huge, chubby cheeks and when he's sitting upright, they are no match for gravity and those cheeks sag and are too cute.  But wow has he grown

Looks:  Jaxon sure has his mama's chubby cheeks.  In most pictures I take, he's laying down so you can't really see the cheeks in their fullness.  But sit the kid up and gravity is not kind to them!  He looks like a completely different child.  Still beyond adorable, that's for sure!
His eyes are still a very dark grey blue.  I'm told they should start changing soon so I'm anxious to see whose eyes he will have; my brown eyes or Nick's ever changing green-to-blue-to-green eyes.
The hair that fell out on the top of his head has grown back in.  It looks dark, until you take him into natural light and then it looks pretty light.  Take him in the direct sunlight and it looks like it has a slightly red hue to it.  Definitely looking strawberry blonde now.  Which wouldn't be surprising since my hair has a slight red tint and Nick is Irish and has an orangish-red beard.  I'm told their hair color changes a lot in their younger years so who knows what it'll be!
Everyone says Jaxon looks like Nick, which I think most days.  I did think he had my cheeks and chin and then when looking through a photo album of old pics, I saw this picture of me and was like, "OMG that's Jaxon!"  So he does look a lot like baby Melanie :)  I need to find a baby picture of Nick to compare them now.

Routine:  I plan to write a separate post on this, but I was beating myself up over getting Jaxon into a routine.  During the day, I let Jax lead.  He naps when he's sleepy, nurses when he's hungry, and plays when he's happy.  Sadly, his naps were only 20 minutes, but towards the end of this month, they were lengthening to about 45-60 minutes.  Most days, our routine goes nap, eat, play, nap, eat, play.  Sometimes he'll eat again before his nap for a light snack and I'm perfectly okay with this.
I tried for almost two weeks to create a routine/schedule and it was just stressful for both of us.  I realized that after almost two weeks, if he wasn't hopping on board, it wasn't going to happen. That's what happens when you read books and think you need to follow their advice.  But here's the thing:  my baby didn't read this book.  He doesn't know this is how he's supposed to act.  So I let go and decided to go back to letting him lead the day, because it works for us and we're both much happier that way.  The child is napping longer now, he's eating well, and he's happy.  He goes down easily for naps on his own but still enjoys nursing to sleep at night.

Sleeping:   When people ask how he's sleeping, they don't care about naps.  What they really mean is, "is he sleeping through the night?"  So I'll start there.
As for nights, half of this past month, Jaxon was sleeping through the night.  He went down around 8pm, would wake for a dream feed between 10pm-11pm, and then he was down until about 6am-7am, followed by a two hour nap from 9am-11am.  Then it was his usual 20 minute cat naps the rest of the day.  Towards the end of the month, as he got closer to the 3 month mark, he began waking again around 3am for a feed and I'm thinking this might be his 12 week growth spurt because he's also taking those longer 45-60 minutes naps (which makes for a happy mama!)  But now that he's waking again for his 3am feed, he's sleeping in until 8am-10am, which this mama loves!  Nick and I are night owls and love sleeping in so it seems Jaxon gets this from us ;)
He still sleeps swaddled.  He hates it because he loves to move around, but if we don't swaddle him, the startle reflex wakes him up.  Frequently.  So swaddling it is.  I think we're going to try transitioning him to the Zipadee Zip and see how that works for him.

Diet/Eating:  Jax is still exclusively breastfed.  98% of the time he's on the boob but there are times he gets a bottle (when Nick takes the late night or early morning feed on weekends to help me out and let me sleep, when we're out and my outfit isn't conducive for nursing, or when I'm gone and Nick is home with him).
He gets tummy aches occasionally, but when keeping track of my food, nothing seems to have a pattern.  His pediatrician said it's just common for them to have a belly ache from time to time.  However, I do know he doesn't like fajitas and too much garlic.  Which super sucks for me :(  I looooove fajitas.  We eat them once a week but I guess I'll have to stop that for now.  Which makes me super duper sad.
Jaxon used to spit up a TON which I've now realized happens when he nurses from a breast that is a little too full.  This makes things pretty annoying for me, because it means I have to get up and pump before nursing him on that boob.  I'm usually awake well before he's awake in the morning (due to Nick going to work) but I'd love to just lay in bed relaxing, awaiting Jaxon's wake, not pumping a boob that's about to explode.

Health:  He's a happy and healthy boy!!!  As far as we know, he's gaining weight and eating just fine.  *Knock on wood* he hasn't had any issues.  He had a small cold but it was just a 24 hour thing and it wasn't bad at all.

Movement:  This boy loves to move!  I think it's why he hates all carriers and babywearing is not in the cards for us right now.  He loves to lay flat on his playmat or our bed and in his bouncer and just kick, flail his arms about, bring his legs straight up in the air, turn on his side, etc.  He loves to stretch out and is always moving!!!  Towards the end of this month, he's become bored with laying down and playing so  now he loves to sit up (and even stand!)

He definitely follows things with his eyes and head.  He's still not reaching out to grasp things he sees, but he's close!  He puts his closed fist against them, but doesn't open it up to grab them.
He has almost full control of his head, (but not his upper body) so he loves for you to hold his little torso so he can bear weight on his legs and sit/stand upright to look all around.  It can tire you out pretty quickly to just hold him up so we're going to get an exersaucer for him to use.  Since he sits deeper in it, the lack of upper body control won't be an issue (we tried out a friend's exersaucer who was using it for her son who is a week younger than Jax).
The beginning of this month he was still stretching all the time.  He'd wake up and spend 5 minutes stretching.  But now, I rarely see those adorable, full body stretches with the even more adorable accompanying faces :(  I miss them (Thankfully someone recommended to video all the little things and his stretches were one of the things I made sure to capture).
Jaxon also still loves to look right.  Not as much and it's getting better but he definitely still prefers his right side.
He also looooooves to hold his right fist in the air when laying down.  But only when laying down flat.  It's just straight up in the air.  Although, now he notices it and sometimes brings it down and sucks on it.  The entire fist.

Mood:  I think he's your typical baby.  He's happy when he wakes up and continues to smile and babble until he's hungry, bored, or getting sleepy.  It's pretty easy to get big smiles out of him :)

Sizes:  He's now in 0-3 month clothing.  There are a few newborn clothes he is still fitting in, but for the most part, he's in 0-3 month and 3 month clothing.

Likes:  Jaxon loves when you make silly noises at him. He'll stare at you for a second, trying to figure it out, then give a very excited grin.  He loves his playmat and bouncer.  He absolutely loves sitting outside.  He could sit out there on our laps for hours and be content.  We spend many afternoons out there, him on his playmat or in my lap, just feeling the breeze, and watching the storms blow in.  He is now loving things like playing airplane, small tosses in the air, etc.

He also loves loud noises:  shower, blow dryer, the Ninja, the sander and saw (when Nick is doing projects), etc.  He could be crying his head off and the moment I turn on the Ninja to make a smoothie, the crying stops...until I shut it off then it resumes.

Dislikes:  Jaxon still dislikes getting dressed.  Eight out of ten times he will fuss and cry when you change his clothes.  I don't really understand this other than he apparently likes to be a nudist.
Jaxon also dislikes burps from us.   I should clarify and say he dislikes belches.  Loud ass burps scare him.  (And it's so funny!!!)  He also hates being burped himself.  He throws quite the tantrum!!

Milestones:  At the beginning of the month, he rolled over twice from belly to back but hasn't done it in almost 3 weeks.  He does roll on to his side, and semi on to his belly but I wouldn't consider it a full roll.
He's now swatting the toys in front of him, and he slowly puts his fist up there to touch it, but he hasn't yet figured out to open his hand and then grab it.
We're still awaiting a real laugh.  He looks like he's about laugh a million times a day; that super wide, happy grin.  But no noise.  We thought he was going to be laughing now since my aunt caught one on video while she was here, but sadly, it was just that one time.

Things That I Don't Want to Forget:  The way he smiles when we go to him in the morning.  He's just laying in his Pack n Play, talking to himself.  When we get out of bed and look down at him, he smiles so big, brings his hands up to his face, lifts his feet in the air...he just gets so giddy to see us and it's beyond adorable.

Mama Update:  I'm doing okay.  I'm struggling with a few things, emotionally and physically.  But this little boy, his smiles, his sweet smell....goodness, they make me melt.
If you saw this post, then you know that I'm a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom)....for now.  The decision was easy to make, but I'm still adjusting and it has it's difficult days.
I had some moles removed on my chin and belly.  Because nothing in my life can ever be complication free, they became infected and it was bad.  It made me anxious, had me in a lot of pain, and prevented me from working out (didn't want to rip them open).  But they're on the mend now, thank goodness!!!!

Daddy Update:  Seeing Nick and Jaxon together is my favorite thing ever.  Nick has never been a fan of babies or kids and he's not necessarily the nurturing type.  But with Jaxon, you'd think he grew up around babies.  He's so great with Jaxon, the way he plays with him, talks to him, and calms him.
Nick is getting into work ups and when he's not gone, he's crazy busy.  He has a lot of house projects he wants to get done and various other things around the house, but since he doesn't see Jaxon much, it's a battle of what to do.  Spoiler Alert: Jaxon usually wins.

Doggie Update:  Vino is slowly making progress.  Very small baby steps.  She will now come up and get in his face to sniff him (probably from spit up) and smell his dirty diapers.  She'll also lay by him.  But if he makes a move towards her or we bring him to her, she walks away.
Yadi is still loving Jax.  She's always by him and still thinks she needs to bathe him every chance she gets.

What we did this month:  Jaxon had some visitors this month :)  My Grandma, Aunt Janet, and cousin Melissa all came to visit and we had the most amazing week with them.  Then just a week after they left, Nick's aunt, uncle, cousin, and her boyfriend came for a weekend.  It was so wonderful having family here to help and love all over him.
We were a little more low key this month (Jaxon doesn't sleep all the time as he did as a newborn so being out and about for long periods of time makes me anxious).
Jaxon attended his first wedding.  It was for a guy in Nick's squadron but he just sat in his car seat, awake and content through the entire ceremony.  Afterwards, there was a small, one hour reception of light food, lemonade, mingling, and cake cutting.  Jaxon pretty much slept through it all.
Other than that, just your typical errands running!

 This picture below....this boy haha.  We tried these pictures three days in a row and every time, this is the face he was giving me.  He just wasn't having it.

World Breastfeeding Week

Happy World Breastfeeding Week!!!

I will admit that breastfeeding hasn't always been my favorite thing as there are times it's downright difficult. But then I look at this sweet face, with his chubby cheeks and know I did this.

He came into the world a little early and underweight. I had no idea what I was doing since we missed our breastfeeding class because it was the night Jaxon made his early debut. When we left the hospital, he was well below the first percentile for weight & the NICU doctor (unintentionally) put a lot of pressure on me to nurse him nonstop so he would gain weight. (Weight checks at the pediatrician every day of our first week at home didn't help either). At his one month appointment, he was just below the first percentile, and at our two month appointment, mama's Milk Monster was in the 15th percentile for weight and our pediatrician said, "Whatever you're doing, keep doing it because he's doing great!"

I love knowing that I'm giving him the nourishment he needs. I love the way he looks at me while I'm nursing him. I love the way his lips turn upward and he smiles back at me while he's nursing. Or even the way he pulls off me, just briefly, to give me a wide mouth grinned, before going back to finish his meal.  I love the way he stops wailing the moment he hears the click of my nursing bra unhooking. I love how he ever so sweetly falls asleep while I'm nursing him.   I love the way he lays his little hand my chest while I'm nursing him.

I love the bond nursing has given Jaxon and I.  I feel fortunate that my body has allowed me to nourish my baby so well, I am proud of my decision to do so, and I love my chubby little Milk Monster.


All of that being said, I recognize that not all mothers are able to provide for their baby as I have been and for that I consider myself lucky. I also have no judgement towards those that choose to not breastfeed. As long as you and your baby are happy and healthy, I support you all!!!

And this is what we call "milk drunk"

Happy Fourth of July from Jaxon!

Jaxon wishes everyone has a wonderful Fourth of July holiday with friends and family.

This is my favorite holiday and with it being Jaxon's first Independence Day, I couldn't let it pass without a little photo shoot.

Happy Fourth of July from the world's most adorable baby!

Be safe out there, friends!!!



Sunglasses and celebration wand from Target

Tie and suspender onesie from Koala Kids

Fours Years of Wedding Bliss

4 years, 3 moves, 2 states, 5 duty stations, 4 squadrons, 2 fur babies, dream careers, homeowners, and now our first child. 


From St. Louis to Annapolis to Pensacola to Jacksonville. 

The last four years have been filled with many laughs, tears, challenges, learning opportunities, adventures, hugs, and love. Through it all, you've been right by my side. I'm so proud of this life and love we've built together, as well as the individuals we've encouraged each other to become. This lifestyle hasn't always been easy for me, but I thank you for showing me that "home" isn't a place, but instead, a person. You are home. Thank you for doing life with me and making me your wife and partner four years ago. You are the greatest risk I've ever taken.

June 11, 2011 was the start of the best days of my life. I'm so grateful for our past and even more hopeful for our future.

I Love You, Nicholas! Happy 4th Anniversary!!

Jaxon's Birth Story: Part III

I'm sorry that I left you all hanging.  My mom left and I was kind of depressed (by kind of, I mean severely depressed...and still am), but I'm back to blogging and have tons of posts coming your way!

So where were we?  Oh yes, I went from allergic reaction to emergency c-section in Part I of Jaxon's Birth Story to then just monitoring me and sending me home, which ultimately resulted in me being in labor but not even knowing it in Part II of Jaxon's Birth Story.


On to Part III.....

After telling Nick I was in labor and we were having a baby, the doctor came back in about an hour later.  I wasn't dilated anymore so she said she was going to come back shortly to break my water.  She left and Nick immediately said, "No.  She doesn't need to break it.  We can let this happen naturally."  We were going to tell the doctor that we wanted to hold off on breaking my water.  It would only speed up labor, and thus make my contractions more intense.  At this rate, I was handling them just fine, with zero pain, and we wanted to keep the pain as minimal as possible.  I was afraid if they sped it along and the contractions became too intense, I would ask for an epidural and that's just not the route I wanted to take.

When the doctor came back in, they were actually doing a shift change for the on-call doctor so I was introduced to the new doctor, who told me we were going to start pitocin instead of breaking my water.  When the nurse returned with the bag of pitocin, we questioned her on why?  The nurse was very adamant that we needed to speed labor along, but didn't give a reason why.  This truly bothered us.  Nick was 100% against the pitocin and I was on the fence.  I am not against interventions, when necessary, but I have another post on the actual long thought process and discussion Nick and I had in regards to this.  Ultimately, without giving you all the details, we let them start the pitocin.  She said they increase it every 30 minutes so we said that after the first 30 minutes, if we wanted them to stop it, we would ask.
As we were discussing this, the nurses kept coming in and adjusting the monitors on my belly.  Throughout the night, I wasn't sleeping as I was conscious of the monitors.  I could see and hear them.  During my contractions, I could hear my baby's heart rate slowing (dropping), but as the contraction subsided, it would slowly speed up.  But now, I could tell that his heart rate was dropping and spending much longer periods of time in that slower range.  However, no one was saying anything else to me, so I assumed he was okay.

After 30 minutes, the doctor and three nurses came into the room.  The nurse had a very concerned look on her face as she told me that they were stopping the pitocin.  The doctor then told me that they were having to stop the pitocin because the baby was not handling my contractions well at all.  It was at this point that everything was finally laid out for us.
From the moment we arrived, the baby was not handling the contractions well.  His heart rate would decelerate with most of the contractions.  At first, it wasn't a huge concern (that is, after the ER incident) because as soon as the contractions ended, his heart rate would climb back up.  This was the time when they were just monitoring me and then again when we realized I was in labor.  When I would get up and move around (which was really just going to the bathroom), it took much longer for his heart rate to climb back up and this had them concerned, especially because my oxygen levels were very low and thus he wasn't getting proper oxygen either.  They hoped the shot would help stop the contractions, but it didn't.  His decelerating heart rate was giving them ample indication that he needed to come out.  Their hope was that pitocin would speed labor along so that we could get it him out sooner, but still allow me to have my vaginal birth.  However, as labor progressed, things got worse.  Once the pitocin was started, he heart rate was still decelling with every contraction, which was every 3.5 minutes, and it was taking far too long to climb back up.  In fact, by the time it rose to an okay range, the next contraction would begin and his heart rate would drop again, much lower than it had been.  The doctor said she couldn't, with good conscious, keep him in any longer. He was continually giving us signs that he needed to come out, now.  She said she believed this has been happening for a few weeks now, but we didn't notice it since it didn't happen with every contraction in the beginning and I wasn't monitored for hours on end, until now.
The doctor also said she doesn't think the allergic reaction caused this.  She believes it was just a blessing in disguise and two separate incidents, but that it was good it happened because it made us realize what was going on.  They do think the allergic reaction (and my reaction to it) caused him to go into great distress and it just spiraled from there, but they firmly think he'd been giving signs long before (probably around 32-33 weeks) that he needed to come out and would be better off in the outside world.  Which was a little scary to think about, but would also explain why I felt like for the past few weeks my belly was contracted more than it wasn't.


I then asked the OB how long before I went in for surgery, thinking it would be later that day and she said, "I'm about to go in for an urgent c-section now and I have another right after that one.  I'm bumping you for that one.  He needs to come out.  So maybe 40 minutes from now."

Holy. Shit.

Then the nurse handed Nick his scrubs and explained how everything will go down. I was scared and excited.  I couldn't believe this was happening but firmly believed and trusted the doctors that this was best.
It was during this short, private time Nick and I had that we finally decided on the baby's name, Jaxon Thomas.  We hugged, we kissed, we stared at each other with wide eyes saying, "We're about to become parents.  We're about to meet our son."  And then we snapped our last photo as a little family of two,

(don't you just love the overly tired, puffy from fluids look I've got going on.)

suited up, and were on our way.


Once we got to the OR, they made Nick wait outside while they got me 100% ready.  I ended up getting a spinal, which means I was numb from my abdomen down, instead of an epidural where you can still move and feel your legs.  I hated that they wouldn't let Nick come in.  They wouldn't even let him watch through the window (he tried, but they made him sit and wait because the last thing they want to deal with is a husband who passes out from watching any of it).  But I wanted him there to hold my hand and calm me down.  I was scared.  The last thing I wanted was a surgery.  A c-section had never even crossed my mind until this incident.  I was certain I was going to deliver vaginally, whether medicated or unmedicated.

Thankfully the staff was so kind.  They talked to me in calm voices and as if we'd all been friends forever.  They kept reassuring me that the baby and I would be okay and this was what was best.  I know they could sense the fear and worry in my face, so I appreciated their kindness.

Once I was laying down, tent up, completely ready to go, they brought Nick in.  They brought him in, he sat down right by my head, and no sooner than his butt touched the chair did they begin the surgery.  I could feel some tugging and pulling, and the smell of burning flesh was disgusting, but after just 10 minutes, I heard my sweet son crying.  And tears filled my eyes.

Nick got up and stepped right next to my bed where they had Jaxon.  He took vidoes and photos as they cleaned him up and made sure he was okay. Thankfully he appeared okay!!!  They then took asked Nick for his phone and let him cut the umbilical cord.

They then wrapped Jaxon up and brought him over to me.  Again, they took Nick's phone and the nurse perfectly captured the moment that I laid eyes on my son.  So many feels.  I couldn't believe I was looking at my son.  This little miracle that I had hoped and prayed for.  This little miracle made from love.  He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

(Yes, I was THAT girl with a full face of makeup on during my delivery and I'm sure the staff thought I was a snooty, high maintenance chick, but in reality, I was just wearing some amazing makeup that was able with withstand my freaking out, crying, and 12 hours of wear.  I promise, I did not touch up my makeup since before my maternity photo shoot!)

They let him lay there with me for about 5 minutes before taking him to the nursery.

I don't really remember anything after Nick and Jaxon left until I was in recovery.  I was only in recovery for about 5 minutes before Nick and Jaxon came in.  They handed him to me and I immediately tried to breastfeed him.  I was a little lost since our breastfeeding class was supposed to be that night but he latched on perfectly.  I just sat there, in awe of this life I've created.  For 9 months I wondered what he'd look like and what it would feel like to have him in my arms.  And here he was

 

After about 15 minutes, they needed to take Jaxon back the nursery because they could see that he was having issues breathing.  Thankfully, just after I was moved to my regular room, they brought Jaxon back in, where we were able to cuddle him and I was able to breastfeed him and enjoy some skin-to-skin with him.

Sadly, I didn't get very long with Jaxon before he was taken to the NICU for a few issues.  It was heartbreaking to be away from him, but I was happy that Nick was able to be there with him.

....and here is where I leave you hanging again ;)  Don't you just love me?

Next up, Jaxon's After Birth Story ;)  Let's hope it doesn't take me over a week to get this next segment to you.