My New Job: SAHM

I'm sure a few people have caught on to the fact that Jaxon is past 12 weeks of age and I'm not back at work.  I keep getting asked the question, "When do you go back to work?"

I have made the decision to resign.  It honestly was not a hard decision to make.
(Although it is hard to admit.  Why?  Because so many people have an opinion this subject.)

I plan to write a separate post on why this decision was made (like 45 other posts, it's half written in my drafts folder).  It was a combination of what Nick and I thought was best for Jaxon and the actual job itself.  Neither one was right for me or for us.  But more on that later.

Let me tell you, adjusting to life with a newborn is HARD!
Did you know they don't have schedules?  Even trying to get into a routine is difficult.  (Schedule runs by specific time whereas a routine is not time specific, but more so the same activities/tasks in the same order).
Just when you think you've got them figured out, they go and decide to change things up.  Today he love my playmat. Tomorrow he'll hate it.  And Friday he'll love it again.  For three weeks he's sleeping 9 hours through the night and then suddenly he decides to wake up every 40 minutes.  One day he'll nap for an hour and the next day his naps are 15 minutes tops.

But I wouldn't trade this for anything.  Y'all, this kid.  He makes my heart swell and every day I feel like I'm going to explode from love.  Being home with him everyday, while incredibly difficult, has been so rewarding.  I know being a SAHM isn't for everyone and some can't afford to do it.  While we can't live the same lifestyle we were living before with now only having one income, it's possible for us, and we knew this was the right decision for our family at this time.

So now you all have your answer.  I don't have a date I'm returning to work at my old employer because I have a new boss.  And he happens to be the cutest 3 month old to grace this planet (I'm not baised at all).

Jaxon: Three Months

Height & Weight:  Well, I can't honestly say because we haven't gone to the doctor since his 2 month appointment on July 7th.  He was 10 pounds, 10 ounces then, so my guess is he's around 12ish now??  He's got a few small rolls on him, which are adorable.  The kid has huge, chubby cheeks and when he's sitting upright, they are no match for gravity and those cheeks sag and are too cute.  But wow has he grown

Looks:  Jaxon sure has his mama's chubby cheeks.  In most pictures I take, he's laying down so you can't really see the cheeks in their fullness.  But sit the kid up and gravity is not kind to them!  He looks like a completely different child.  Still beyond adorable, that's for sure!
His eyes are still a very dark grey blue.  I'm told they should start changing soon so I'm anxious to see whose eyes he will have; my brown eyes or Nick's ever changing green-to-blue-to-green eyes.
The hair that fell out on the top of his head has grown back in.  It looks dark, until you take him into natural light and then it looks pretty light.  Take him in the direct sunlight and it looks like it has a slightly red hue to it.  Definitely looking strawberry blonde now.  Which wouldn't be surprising since my hair has a slight red tint and Nick is Irish and has an orangish-red beard.  I'm told their hair color changes a lot in their younger years so who knows what it'll be!
Everyone says Jaxon looks like Nick, which I think most days.  I did think he had my cheeks and chin and then when looking through a photo album of old pics, I saw this picture of me and was like, "OMG that's Jaxon!"  So he does look a lot like baby Melanie :)  I need to find a baby picture of Nick to compare them now.

Routine:  I plan to write a separate post on this, but I was beating myself up over getting Jaxon into a routine.  During the day, I let Jax lead.  He naps when he's sleepy, nurses when he's hungry, and plays when he's happy.  Sadly, his naps were only 20 minutes, but towards the end of this month, they were lengthening to about 45-60 minutes.  Most days, our routine goes nap, eat, play, nap, eat, play.  Sometimes he'll eat again before his nap for a light snack and I'm perfectly okay with this.
I tried for almost two weeks to create a routine/schedule and it was just stressful for both of us.  I realized that after almost two weeks, if he wasn't hopping on board, it wasn't going to happen. That's what happens when you read books and think you need to follow their advice.  But here's the thing:  my baby didn't read this book.  He doesn't know this is how he's supposed to act.  So I let go and decided to go back to letting him lead the day, because it works for us and we're both much happier that way.  The child is napping longer now, he's eating well, and he's happy.  He goes down easily for naps on his own but still enjoys nursing to sleep at night.

Sleeping:   When people ask how he's sleeping, they don't care about naps.  What they really mean is, "is he sleeping through the night?"  So I'll start there.
As for nights, half of this past month, Jaxon was sleeping through the night.  He went down around 8pm, would wake for a dream feed between 10pm-11pm, and then he was down until about 6am-7am, followed by a two hour nap from 9am-11am.  Then it was his usual 20 minute cat naps the rest of the day.  Towards the end of the month, as he got closer to the 3 month mark, he began waking again around 3am for a feed and I'm thinking this might be his 12 week growth spurt because he's also taking those longer 45-60 minutes naps (which makes for a happy mama!)  But now that he's waking again for his 3am feed, he's sleeping in until 8am-10am, which this mama loves!  Nick and I are night owls and love sleeping in so it seems Jaxon gets this from us ;)
He still sleeps swaddled.  He hates it because he loves to move around, but if we don't swaddle him, the startle reflex wakes him up.  Frequently.  So swaddling it is.  I think we're going to try transitioning him to the Zipadee Zip and see how that works for him.

Diet/Eating:  Jax is still exclusively breastfed.  98% of the time he's on the boob but there are times he gets a bottle (when Nick takes the late night or early morning feed on weekends to help me out and let me sleep, when we're out and my outfit isn't conducive for nursing, or when I'm gone and Nick is home with him).
He gets tummy aches occasionally, but when keeping track of my food, nothing seems to have a pattern.  His pediatrician said it's just common for them to have a belly ache from time to time.  However, I do know he doesn't like fajitas and too much garlic.  Which super sucks for me :(  I looooove fajitas.  We eat them once a week but I guess I'll have to stop that for now.  Which makes me super duper sad.
Jaxon used to spit up a TON which I've now realized happens when he nurses from a breast that is a little too full.  This makes things pretty annoying for me, because it means I have to get up and pump before nursing him on that boob.  I'm usually awake well before he's awake in the morning (due to Nick going to work) but I'd love to just lay in bed relaxing, awaiting Jaxon's wake, not pumping a boob that's about to explode.

Health:  He's a happy and healthy boy!!!  As far as we know, he's gaining weight and eating just fine.  *Knock on wood* he hasn't had any issues.  He had a small cold but it was just a 24 hour thing and it wasn't bad at all.

Movement:  This boy loves to move!  I think it's why he hates all carriers and babywearing is not in the cards for us right now.  He loves to lay flat on his playmat or our bed and in his bouncer and just kick, flail his arms about, bring his legs straight up in the air, turn on his side, etc.  He loves to stretch out and is always moving!!!  Towards the end of this month, he's become bored with laying down and playing so  now he loves to sit up (and even stand!)

He definitely follows things with his eyes and head.  He's still not reaching out to grasp things he sees, but he's close!  He puts his closed fist against them, but doesn't open it up to grab them.
He has almost full control of his head, (but not his upper body) so he loves for you to hold his little torso so he can bear weight on his legs and sit/stand upright to look all around.  It can tire you out pretty quickly to just hold him up so we're going to get an exersaucer for him to use.  Since he sits deeper in it, the lack of upper body control won't be an issue (we tried out a friend's exersaucer who was using it for her son who is a week younger than Jax).
The beginning of this month he was still stretching all the time.  He'd wake up and spend 5 minutes stretching.  But now, I rarely see those adorable, full body stretches with the even more adorable accompanying faces :(  I miss them (Thankfully someone recommended to video all the little things and his stretches were one of the things I made sure to capture).
Jaxon also still loves to look right.  Not as much and it's getting better but he definitely still prefers his right side.
He also looooooves to hold his right fist in the air when laying down.  But only when laying down flat.  It's just straight up in the air.  Although, now he notices it and sometimes brings it down and sucks on it.  The entire fist.

Mood:  I think he's your typical baby.  He's happy when he wakes up and continues to smile and babble until he's hungry, bored, or getting sleepy.  It's pretty easy to get big smiles out of him :)

Sizes:  He's now in 0-3 month clothing.  There are a few newborn clothes he is still fitting in, but for the most part, he's in 0-3 month and 3 month clothing.

Likes:  Jaxon loves when you make silly noises at him. He'll stare at you for a second, trying to figure it out, then give a very excited grin.  He loves his playmat and bouncer.  He absolutely loves sitting outside.  He could sit out there on our laps for hours and be content.  We spend many afternoons out there, him on his playmat or in my lap, just feeling the breeze, and watching the storms blow in.  He is now loving things like playing airplane, small tosses in the air, etc.

He also loves loud noises:  shower, blow dryer, the Ninja, the sander and saw (when Nick is doing projects), etc.  He could be crying his head off and the moment I turn on the Ninja to make a smoothie, the crying stops...until I shut it off then it resumes.

Dislikes:  Jaxon still dislikes getting dressed.  Eight out of ten times he will fuss and cry when you change his clothes.  I don't really understand this other than he apparently likes to be a nudist.
Jaxon also dislikes burps from us.   I should clarify and say he dislikes belches.  Loud ass burps scare him.  (And it's so funny!!!)  He also hates being burped himself.  He throws quite the tantrum!!

Milestones:  At the beginning of the month, he rolled over twice from belly to back but hasn't done it in almost 3 weeks.  He does roll on to his side, and semi on to his belly but I wouldn't consider it a full roll.
He's now swatting the toys in front of him, and he slowly puts his fist up there to touch it, but he hasn't yet figured out to open his hand and then grab it.
We're still awaiting a real laugh.  He looks like he's about laugh a million times a day; that super wide, happy grin.  But no noise.  We thought he was going to be laughing now since my aunt caught one on video while she was here, but sadly, it was just that one time.

Things That I Don't Want to Forget:  The way he smiles when we go to him in the morning.  He's just laying in his Pack n Play, talking to himself.  When we get out of bed and look down at him, he smiles so big, brings his hands up to his face, lifts his feet in the air...he just gets so giddy to see us and it's beyond adorable.

Mama Update:  I'm doing okay.  I'm struggling with a few things, emotionally and physically.  But this little boy, his smiles, his sweet smell....goodness, they make me melt.
If you saw this post, then you know that I'm a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom)....for now.  The decision was easy to make, but I'm still adjusting and it has it's difficult days.
I had some moles removed on my chin and belly.  Because nothing in my life can ever be complication free, they became infected and it was bad.  It made me anxious, had me in a lot of pain, and prevented me from working out (didn't want to rip them open).  But they're on the mend now, thank goodness!!!!

Daddy Update:  Seeing Nick and Jaxon together is my favorite thing ever.  Nick has never been a fan of babies or kids and he's not necessarily the nurturing type.  But with Jaxon, you'd think he grew up around babies.  He's so great with Jaxon, the way he plays with him, talks to him, and calms him.
Nick is getting into work ups and when he's not gone, he's crazy busy.  He has a lot of house projects he wants to get done and various other things around the house, but since he doesn't see Jaxon much, it's a battle of what to do.  Spoiler Alert: Jaxon usually wins.

Doggie Update:  Vino is slowly making progress.  Very small baby steps.  She will now come up and get in his face to sniff him (probably from spit up) and smell his dirty diapers.  She'll also lay by him.  But if he makes a move towards her or we bring him to her, she walks away.
Yadi is still loving Jax.  She's always by him and still thinks she needs to bathe him every chance she gets.

What we did this month:  Jaxon had some visitors this month :)  My Grandma, Aunt Janet, and cousin Melissa all came to visit and we had the most amazing week with them.  Then just a week after they left, Nick's aunt, uncle, cousin, and her boyfriend came for a weekend.  It was so wonderful having family here to help and love all over him.
We were a little more low key this month (Jaxon doesn't sleep all the time as he did as a newborn so being out and about for long periods of time makes me anxious).
Jaxon attended his first wedding.  It was for a guy in Nick's squadron but he just sat in his car seat, awake and content through the entire ceremony.  Afterwards, there was a small, one hour reception of light food, lemonade, mingling, and cake cutting.  Jaxon pretty much slept through it all.
Other than that, just your typical errands running!

 This picture below....this boy haha.  We tried these pictures three days in a row and every time, this is the face he was giving me.  He just wasn't having it.

World Breastfeeding Week

Happy World Breastfeeding Week!!!

I will admit that breastfeeding hasn't always been my favorite thing as there are times it's downright difficult. But then I look at this sweet face, with his chubby cheeks and know I did this.

He came into the world a little early and underweight. I had no idea what I was doing since we missed our breastfeeding class because it was the night Jaxon made his early debut. When we left the hospital, he was well below the first percentile for weight & the NICU doctor (unintentionally) put a lot of pressure on me to nurse him nonstop so he would gain weight. (Weight checks at the pediatrician every day of our first week at home didn't help either). At his one month appointment, he was just below the first percentile, and at our two month appointment, mama's Milk Monster was in the 15th percentile for weight and our pediatrician said, "Whatever you're doing, keep doing it because he's doing great!"

I love knowing that I'm giving him the nourishment he needs. I love the way he looks at me while I'm nursing him. I love the way his lips turn upward and he smiles back at me while he's nursing. Or even the way he pulls off me, just briefly, to give me a wide mouth grinned, before going back to finish his meal.  I love the way he stops wailing the moment he hears the click of my nursing bra unhooking. I love how he ever so sweetly falls asleep while I'm nursing him.   I love the way he lays his little hand my chest while I'm nursing him.

I love the bond nursing has given Jaxon and I.  I feel fortunate that my body has allowed me to nourish my baby so well, I am proud of my decision to do so, and I love my chubby little Milk Monster.


All of that being said, I recognize that not all mothers are able to provide for their baby as I have been and for that I consider myself lucky. I also have no judgement towards those that choose to not breastfeed. As long as you and your baby are happy and healthy, I support you all!!!

And this is what we call "milk drunk"

Happy Fourth of July from Jaxon!

Jaxon wishes everyone has a wonderful Fourth of July holiday with friends and family.

This is my favorite holiday and with it being Jaxon's first Independence Day, I couldn't let it pass without a little photo shoot.

Happy Fourth of July from the world's most adorable baby!

Be safe out there, friends!!!



Sunglasses and celebration wand from Target

Tie and suspender onesie from Koala Kids

Fours Years of Wedding Bliss

4 years, 3 moves, 2 states, 5 duty stations, 4 squadrons, 2 fur babies, dream careers, homeowners, and now our first child. 


From St. Louis to Annapolis to Pensacola to Jacksonville. 

The last four years have been filled with many laughs, tears, challenges, learning opportunities, adventures, hugs, and love. Through it all, you've been right by my side. I'm so proud of this life and love we've built together, as well as the individuals we've encouraged each other to become. This lifestyle hasn't always been easy for me, but I thank you for showing me that "home" isn't a place, but instead, a person. You are home. Thank you for doing life with me and making me your wife and partner four years ago. You are the greatest risk I've ever taken.

June 11, 2011 was the start of the best days of my life. I'm so grateful for our past and even more hopeful for our future.

I Love You, Nicholas! Happy 4th Anniversary!!

Jaxon's Birth Story: Part III

I'm sorry that I left you all hanging.  My mom left and I was kind of depressed (by kind of, I mean severely depressed...and still am), but I'm back to blogging and have tons of posts coming your way!

So where were we?  Oh yes, I went from allergic reaction to emergency c-section in Part I of Jaxon's Birth Story to then just monitoring me and sending me home, which ultimately resulted in me being in labor but not even knowing it in Part II of Jaxon's Birth Story.


On to Part III.....

After telling Nick I was in labor and we were having a baby, the doctor came back in about an hour later.  I wasn't dilated anymore so she said she was going to come back shortly to break my water.  She left and Nick immediately said, "No.  She doesn't need to break it.  We can let this happen naturally."  We were going to tell the doctor that we wanted to hold off on breaking my water.  It would only speed up labor, and thus make my contractions more intense.  At this rate, I was handling them just fine, with zero pain, and we wanted to keep the pain as minimal as possible.  I was afraid if they sped it along and the contractions became too intense, I would ask for an epidural and that's just not the route I wanted to take.

When the doctor came back in, they were actually doing a shift change for the on-call doctor so I was introduced to the new doctor, who told me we were going to start pitocin instead of breaking my water.  When the nurse returned with the bag of pitocin, we questioned her on why?  The nurse was very adamant that we needed to speed labor along, but didn't give a reason why.  This truly bothered us.  Nick was 100% against the pitocin and I was on the fence.  I am not against interventions, when necessary, but I have another post on the actual long thought process and discussion Nick and I had in regards to this.  Ultimately, without giving you all the details, we let them start the pitocin.  She said they increase it every 30 minutes so we said that after the first 30 minutes, if we wanted them to stop it, we would ask.
As we were discussing this, the nurses kept coming in and adjusting the monitors on my belly.  Throughout the night, I wasn't sleeping as I was conscious of the monitors.  I could see and hear them.  During my contractions, I could hear my baby's heart rate slowing (dropping), but as the contraction subsided, it would slowly speed up.  But now, I could tell that his heart rate was dropping and spending much longer periods of time in that slower range.  However, no one was saying anything else to me, so I assumed he was okay.

After 30 minutes, the doctor and three nurses came into the room.  The nurse had a very concerned look on her face as she told me that they were stopping the pitocin.  The doctor then told me that they were having to stop the pitocin because the baby was not handling my contractions well at all.  It was at this point that everything was finally laid out for us.
From the moment we arrived, the baby was not handling the contractions well.  His heart rate would decelerate with most of the contractions.  At first, it wasn't a huge concern (that is, after the ER incident) because as soon as the contractions ended, his heart rate would climb back up.  This was the time when they were just monitoring me and then again when we realized I was in labor.  When I would get up and move around (which was really just going to the bathroom), it took much longer for his heart rate to climb back up and this had them concerned, especially because my oxygen levels were very low and thus he wasn't getting proper oxygen either.  They hoped the shot would help stop the contractions, but it didn't.  His decelerating heart rate was giving them ample indication that he needed to come out.  Their hope was that pitocin would speed labor along so that we could get it him out sooner, but still allow me to have my vaginal birth.  However, as labor progressed, things got worse.  Once the pitocin was started, he heart rate was still decelling with every contraction, which was every 3.5 minutes, and it was taking far too long to climb back up.  In fact, by the time it rose to an okay range, the next contraction would begin and his heart rate would drop again, much lower than it had been.  The doctor said she couldn't, with good conscious, keep him in any longer. He was continually giving us signs that he needed to come out, now.  She said she believed this has been happening for a few weeks now, but we didn't notice it since it didn't happen with every contraction in the beginning and I wasn't monitored for hours on end, until now.
The doctor also said she doesn't think the allergic reaction caused this.  She believes it was just a blessing in disguise and two separate incidents, but that it was good it happened because it made us realize what was going on.  They do think the allergic reaction (and my reaction to it) caused him to go into great distress and it just spiraled from there, but they firmly think he'd been giving signs long before (probably around 32-33 weeks) that he needed to come out and would be better off in the outside world.  Which was a little scary to think about, but would also explain why I felt like for the past few weeks my belly was contracted more than it wasn't.


I then asked the OB how long before I went in for surgery, thinking it would be later that day and she said, "I'm about to go in for an urgent c-section now and I have another right after that one.  I'm bumping you for that one.  He needs to come out.  So maybe 40 minutes from now."

Holy. Shit.

Then the nurse handed Nick his scrubs and explained how everything will go down. I was scared and excited.  I couldn't believe this was happening but firmly believed and trusted the doctors that this was best.
It was during this short, private time Nick and I had that we finally decided on the baby's name, Jaxon Thomas.  We hugged, we kissed, we stared at each other with wide eyes saying, "We're about to become parents.  We're about to meet our son."  And then we snapped our last photo as a little family of two,

(don't you just love the overly tired, puffy from fluids look I've got going on.)

suited up, and were on our way.


Once we got to the OR, they made Nick wait outside while they got me 100% ready.  I ended up getting a spinal, which means I was numb from my abdomen down, instead of an epidural where you can still move and feel your legs.  I hated that they wouldn't let Nick come in.  They wouldn't even let him watch through the window (he tried, but they made him sit and wait because the last thing they want to deal with is a husband who passes out from watching any of it).  But I wanted him there to hold my hand and calm me down.  I was scared.  The last thing I wanted was a surgery.  A c-section had never even crossed my mind until this incident.  I was certain I was going to deliver vaginally, whether medicated or unmedicated.

Thankfully the staff was so kind.  They talked to me in calm voices and as if we'd all been friends forever.  They kept reassuring me that the baby and I would be okay and this was what was best.  I know they could sense the fear and worry in my face, so I appreciated their kindness.

Once I was laying down, tent up, completely ready to go, they brought Nick in.  They brought him in, he sat down right by my head, and no sooner than his butt touched the chair did they begin the surgery.  I could feel some tugging and pulling, and the smell of burning flesh was disgusting, but after just 10 minutes, I heard my sweet son crying.  And tears filled my eyes.

Nick got up and stepped right next to my bed where they had Jaxon.  He took vidoes and photos as they cleaned him up and made sure he was okay. Thankfully he appeared okay!!!  They then took asked Nick for his phone and let him cut the umbilical cord.

They then wrapped Jaxon up and brought him over to me.  Again, they took Nick's phone and the nurse perfectly captured the moment that I laid eyes on my son.  So many feels.  I couldn't believe I was looking at my son.  This little miracle that I had hoped and prayed for.  This little miracle made from love.  He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

(Yes, I was THAT girl with a full face of makeup on during my delivery and I'm sure the staff thought I was a snooty, high maintenance chick, but in reality, I was just wearing some amazing makeup that was able with withstand my freaking out, crying, and 12 hours of wear.  I promise, I did not touch up my makeup since before my maternity photo shoot!)

They let him lay there with me for about 5 minutes before taking him to the nursery.

I don't really remember anything after Nick and Jaxon left until I was in recovery.  I was only in recovery for about 5 minutes before Nick and Jaxon came in.  They handed him to me and I immediately tried to breastfeed him.  I was a little lost since our breastfeeding class was supposed to be that night but he latched on perfectly.  I just sat there, in awe of this life I've created.  For 9 months I wondered what he'd look like and what it would feel like to have him in my arms.  And here he was

 

After about 15 minutes, they needed to take Jaxon back the nursery because they could see that he was having issues breathing.  Thankfully, just after I was moved to my regular room, they brought Jaxon back in, where we were able to cuddle him and I was able to breastfeed him and enjoy some skin-to-skin with him.

Sadly, I didn't get very long with Jaxon before he was taken to the NICU for a few issues.  It was heartbreaking to be away from him, but I was happy that Nick was able to be there with him.

....and here is where I leave you hanging again ;)  Don't you just love me?

Next up, Jaxon's After Birth Story ;)  Let's hope it doesn't take me over a week to get this next segment to you.

Jaxon's Birth Story: Part II

If you missed Part I of the story, you can find it HERE.

Part I RecapNicholas and I were taking maternity photos when I got bit by a ton of carpenter ants.  I had a severe allergic reaction and we went straight from the park to the hospital.  While in the ER, I was being monitored by the labor and delivery nurse manager.  All of a sudden, my baby's heart rate dropped from the 150s to 60 and I was being rushed down the hallway, up to labor and delivery for an emergency c-section.  

When we arrived in Labor and Delivery, the OB on-call that night was already in another surgery so they placed me in a recovery room.  While there, baby's heart rate started to climb back up to a normal level.  I focused all my energy and every thought onto taking deep breaths in and out from my oxygen mask, trying to ignore the itching (although it had greatly subsided by this point) in the hopes of helping the baby.
And it worked.  When the OB came in to my room, she decided that they would move me to a regular room and keep me overnight for monitoring and release me the next day.  With baby's heart rate now at a normal rate, she didn't see a reason to move forward with the surgery.  Being pre-term, she wanted him to stay put as long as he could.

Once we were in a regular room on the labor and delivery floor, they monitored me closely.  The nurse manager, C., was in my room frequently, checking on me.  They didn't want me getting out of bed just yet, so that meant peeing in a bed pan, which was pretty awful considering I was already peeing every 45 minutes before this happened, and now I had IV fluids running through me.  Those poor nurses.  I was paging them every 25-30 minutes to come put the bed pan under me.

I was still having contractions frequently, but baby's heart rate would decelerate and then climb back up once it was over.  They asked me if I could feel the contractions and I said, "Yes, but they just feel like the Braxton Hicks I've been having the past 12 weeks.  Just a tightening of the belly." And it was left at that.

Nick and I just hung out, as nurses interrupted us every 5 minutes for various reasons.  As he was sitting on my bed next to me, I said, "We almost had a baby and didn't have a name picked out.  We didn't even have it narrowed down to a definite two.  I think now is the time to really decide on a name."  He agreed and I said, "So what about Jaxon?  We both have loved that name for a long time now; long before we were pregnant.  The only reason we decided to explore other options was because so many other people are naming their son Jackson.  But should we really not pick it because of others when we loved it so much?"  He agreed that maybe we should strongly consider it but then we were interrupted again and we were still where we were before, without a definite name picked out.

Around midnight, Nick asked if they thought it was okay for him to run home for a bit.  C. was pretty certain we were in the safe zone, and there would be no urgent c-section since baby seemed to have improved, and said he should be fine to go home.  Since home was about an hour away, he knew it wouldn't be a quick trip.  But he wanted to change into comfy clothes since he was still in the clothes from our photo shoot.  I also wanted more comfy clothes because I didn't want to leave the hospital the next day in my dress.  Not to mention, I really wanted to brush my teeth and wipe my makeup off with a makeup removing towelette.  More importantly, our poor dogs needed some food and attention since we had both been gone all day at work.  And most importantly, I wanted food.  I hadn't eaten since lunch at 11am that day.  While I was not allowed to have anything except ice chips until this point, C. said by the time Nick got back, I should be able to eat food again.  She also said the night shift had some left over Tijuana Flats and she'd be happy to make me a plate, but I was really craving (don't judge me) McDonalds.
Nick called once he was home to see what I wanted him to grab.  Since I was prepared many weeks ago, I just had him grab my hospital bag.  It already had comfy clothes and toiletries in it so it was easy for him.  I would just restock and wash everything before the real deal.
Being the overly paranoid person I am, I told him to go ahead and grab the baby's bag as well as our DSLR camera...just in case.  His baby bag wasn't ready to go, but it had some of the essentials I'd want in the event he did arrive.  I then asked Nick to go up to the nursery and just grab a Cardinals onesie...again, just in case.

While Nick was gone, they told me that I could now get up to use the restroom if I wanted.  Thank goodness.  Laying down, lifting my butt, a nurse putting a bedpan under me, and just letting it flow was....not pleasant.  It was downright odd to just pee myself.  Especially when the nurse wasn't too helpful with the entire process.  So about 20 minutes later, I paged the nurse, who unhooked my IV and monitors and I went to the restroom.  When I came back, she hooked me back up.  She then stood there, just staring at the monitor for a good 10 minutes.  She then put an oxygen mask on me, asking me to lay there, taking deep breaths in and out.  She didn't explain why, but I could sense something was wrong.  She again stood there for another 5-10 minutes before leaving for a few minutes and came back with another nurse.  They then told me that I wasn't allowed to get out of bed anymore or eat real food. The baby did not like me getting up and moving around.  His heart rate would drop and it was taking far too long to climb back up.
Of course hearing this scared me and thus, I was keeping myself in that bed.  I'd put up with peeing in a bed pan and having a sore tailbone for this child.  Anything for him.

About every 10 minutes, the nurse continued to enter my room and readjust the monitors because they kept losing his heart rate.  I took his activeness to be a good sign though!

The nurse then asked me, "Do you feel your contractions?"  I again explained that I felt the tightness in my belly but it wasn't anything I wasn't used to from the past 12 weeks.  She asked me to rate it on a scale of 1 to 10 and, again, I rated it a 0 because they weren't painful, just uncomfortable.

Eventually Nick came back, with McDonalds, that sadly I couldn't eat anymore.  He was a little shocked to see the oxygen mask on my face so I told him that I had gotten up to use the restroom but the baby didn't like it so I wasn't allowed to eat or get up and needed to keep the oxygen mask on.

We tried to get some sleep.  Nick was successful at this, but he's also able to sleep at any time, anywhere, in any situation.  I, on the other hand, never got a wink of sleep.  I was worried.  Not to mention, how can you sleep when nurses are coming in and out of your room every 15 minutes to adjust your monitors, to draw your blood, to take your vitals, to ask about your pain level, etc.

Around 3:30am, my nurse came back in and for the millionth time, asked me about my contractions.  This is how the conversation went:
Nurse:  "Can you feel your contractions?
Me:  "Yes."
Nurse:  "On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the pain?"
Me:  "A 0.  They don't hurt.  They feel like the contractions I've been having the last 12 weeks.  Just the tightening of the belly."
Nurse:  "Were they always this frequent?"
Me:  "I don't think so.  I did have them often but I feel like these are more frequent.  Is that due to the allergic reaction?"
Nurse:  "Well, these contractions are 3.5 to 4 minutes apart.  And they're showing to be pretty strong.  Definitely stronger than Braxton Hicks contractions.  Do you have a high pain tolerance?"
Me:  "I guess?  I used to for sure, mainly because of all I've been through."

They then decided to give me a shot to stop the contractions.  The nurse stayed in my room for 25 minutes then left, only to return 5 minutes later.  "I talked to the doctor.  The shot worked for a little bit, and your contractions slowed down to every 8 minutes, but then they picked back up and got back to 3.5 minutes apart so we're going to give you another shot."
So another shot was given and my blood was drawn again because my hemoglobin was pretty low two hours before when it was drawn.

About 30 minutes later, at 3:30am, my nurse told me that the shots weren't working.

Then things got real.

Nurse:  "When was the last time your cervix was checked?"
Me:  "It hasn't been.  Well, they checked the length of it via transvaginal ultrasound, but they haven't done that since 34 weeks.  They said they don't check for dilation until 37 weeks since so many women are dilated to 1 or 2 cm for weeks.  So my next appointment I was going to be checked."
Nurse:  "We're going to go ahead and check it and see if you're dilated at all from all these contractions."

I've never had my cervix checked and thus had no idea how painful it truly was.  As she has her hand way up in me, she's moving it all over, making the most confused face.  She pulls her hand out.
Nurse:  "Are you sure you don't feel any pain with these contractions?"
Me:  "I'm sure.  I mean, I FEEL them, but they aren't painful.  Just uncomfortable.  Am I dilated?"
Nurse:  "If I'm feeling it correctly, yes.  To about 3 maybe 4 cm.  Let me go get another nurse to check."

She leaves and returns 5 minutes later with another nurse.  She checks me and says, "Yeah, you're dilated to 4cm."  She then asked the same questions of the pain scale. They told me they were going to get the doctor to come in and check me and see what she thought.  They then tell me that I'm in labor and they're completely shocked that I have no pain.  "Most women are miserable by the time they reach 4cm and those that want pain medication are asking for it now.  Which is good for you since you want to go natural!"  I asked, "Isn't it normal to be dilated for weeks though?"  To which the nurse replied, "Yes, but with your first, usually only 1-2cm.  Once you hit 3cm, that's the start of labor.  For most women.  And by 4cm, almost all women are in pain and most are definitely feeling more than uncomfortable."  She then informs me that she'll have the doctor come in to confirm.

About 20 minutes later, at 4am, the doctor came in.  She checked my cervix and as her hand was up there, she said, "Yep, about 4cm and I feel the baby's head."  She removed her hand stood up and said, "I know this isn't your hospital and you'd like your doctors to deliver your baby, but you're in labor.  You aren't going home today.  You ready to meet your baby?"

Say what?!  "Are you serious?  I'm really in labor?"
The doctor responded, "You're really in labor.  You're dilated to 4cm, you have significant bloody show, and your cervix has dropped.  Normally, your cervix is back a lot further, but yours is right there.  You're having your baby today."

Holy.  Shit.  I couldn't believe it.  But I was happy.  I was going to meet my son today.  And it seemed like things were looking great for my natural birth since he was head down and I wasn't even feeling pain yet!

She left and I called out Nick's name because he had been asleep through this entire episode.
Me:  "Nick!"
Nick:  *sleepy voice* "What?"
Me:  "I'm in labor."
Nick:  "No you aren't."
Me:  "Yes I am.  The doctor was just in here."
Nick:  "No you aren't."
Me:  "Nick,  I am.  I'm dilated to 4cm."
Nick:  "But they say you can be dilated for weeks."
Me:  "That's what I said, but they said not to 4cm.  And my cervix has dropped, his head is right there, and I have bloody show.  I'm in labor.  We're having a baby."
Nick:  *finally sits up*  "Are you serious?"
Me:  "I'm serious."
Nick:  "We're having a baby?"
Me:  "We're having a baby."  As tears start rolling down my cheeks and he gets up and walks to me with a big smile on his face, embraces me in a tight hug and gives me a kiss.


Stay tuned for Part III (the actual delivery story)!!

Jaxon's Birth Story  |  Part I