An Ordinary Life Is an Extraordinary Life

Last night, I laid down and couldn't help but smile. I couldn't help but think, 'life is pretty damn good! 

A few months ago, Nick and I were talking about how great life is. 

We both have our dream jobs. We have two adorable dogs. We bought a gorgeous house on an amazing lot. We bought a brand new fancy SUV. We finally reached a point where we were in a financially comfortable state. We have amazing families and friends back home. We have friends here in Jacksonville that have become like family and we hang out with at least once a week. We have date nights once a week. 

We were talking about all these blessings and Nick says, "I honestly don't know how life could be any more perfect? I mean, we seriously have everything we've been dreaming about. We finally have two cars, we are homeowners, we have our dream dogs, I have my dream career and you're excelling in your dream job. We have a great marriage. We have great friends and a fun social life. I seriously don't know if we can go up from here. We've hit the major milestones by the age of 29." 

That statement scared me. Did we reach a high???? Was down the only way to go??

Of course not. 

"We do have one more milestone to hit. Having a baby."

But we weren't quite ready for that at the time. We wanted to wait until Nick completely the FRS and had a good idea of his deployment schedule. We were enjoying the DINK lifestyle. Enjoying all of the "us" time. 

So knowing that was out of the question because the time isn't right, made me a little sad. So we can't go up until a baby enters the world??? But what about this time between then??? Would life be a bore or mundane because we've reached a plateau?? I was a little nervous. 

And for no good reason. We're not in a stagnant state. Sure, nothing huge is happening. No milestone is being reached. But life is amazing. Everyday has been better than the last. We are loving life. Nick loves his career. Flying makes him so happy. He's been assigned to a new squadron and really loves it. My job, while stressful, brings me such joy. I feel so blessed that my passion in life has turned into a career. Not many are as lucky. My co-workers have become what I now call my "work sisters". We're slowly making this gorgeous house a home. We're enjoying discovering new bars, restaurants, and sights in Jax and the surrounding cities and states. We're continuing to learn more about each other, deepening our marriage, and sharing so many laughs. Nick is enjoying playing golf, soccer, poker, etc with his guys. I'm enjoying weekly wine nights with my girls. I'm lucky that two of my best friends here live in my neighborhood. And as if our weekly wine nights aren't enough, we enjoy multiple times a week dog walks and weekends spent having game nights or going out for dinner and drinks with our men. 

Milestones and extravagant events aren't occurring. But the little moments are. And those are the moments that keep me sane. Keep a smile on my face. They cause me to lay down at night, a smile on my face. 

Is my life perfect? HA! Far from it! My job stresses me out beyond belief. I'm away from home working more than I'm at home. My health and medical-related issues have me in tears at least once a week. My husband sometimes makes me want to stop peeling that potato and chuck it at his head. Sometimes my girls and I spend our dog walks venting about the dumb shit our husbands do and say. Sometimes I get so homesick for my family, best friend, and St Louis that I lay around my house and mope. 

But every life is full of it's imperfections. That's what makes you appreciate the blessings. Imperfections, hiccups, and struggles make us stronger; individually as well as in friendships and marriages. Do I like the stressful and frustrating moments? Hell no. But I overcome every one. They teach me lessons. They shed light on another area I should focus on. They keep me optimistic. They make me who I am and they aid in the amazing moments and unforgettable experiences. 

I am going to continue to live these insignificant and mundane days, smile on my face, and a heart so full; Not counting down and waiting until that next milestone. Because I'm enjoying the journey I'm on right now. No goal in sight. Other than to continue living this awe-inspiring life. One remarkable day at a time. Because those ordinary moments are made into extraordinary memories simply because of my every day experiences and all of those that are a part of it, near and far. 

I've always seen parts of life as destination. College graduation. Marriage. Homeownership. Career. Children. 

But I was so very wrong to see it that way. Life is a path we walk. There is no destination. It's one magical day along the path of happiness after another. I am, without a doubt, on that path. And I am so incredibly blessed. 

Life is good. Damn good! And each day, I start my day with a grateful heart. 

Dining Out with Nick's Wardroom

This past Saturday, Nicholas and I attended a Dining Out with his new squadron. 

While Nick has attended Dining Outs at the Naval Academy, this was my very first one.  

I decided I wanted to get my hair done.  Big mistake.  I have never had my hair done for such an event since living in Jax and therefore I was shooting in the dark by choosing a stylist, which never ends well.  I wanted simple soft wavy curls.  Instead, she gave me huge tight curls.  Unfortunately, there wasn't too much I could do because I had worked that day and was very limited on time.  I just had to say "oh well" and head to the Dining Out with less than attractive hair.  It wasn't awful, but it definitely wasn't cute!

The Dining Out is a formal event, consisting of dinner, a guest of honor speech, toasts, and mingling and usually some form of entertainment.

Our Dining Out began with a cocktail hour, followed by a few {hilarious} skits, a dance-off contest among some of the senior officers, dinner, a speech by the Guest of Honor, toasts, and more dancing and mingling.

The Guest of Honor was a 91 year old man (who had to sit halfway through his story due to a hip injury from playing tennis the day before!!!!).  He enlisted in the Army Air Corps the day after Pearl Harbor was attacked back in 1941 and he shared his story of being captured in Germany and being a POW for 19 months!  It was an amazing story!

University Club - 27th Floor

The event, while formal, was also a very laid back atmosphere.  We were laughing throughout most of the event, whether it be from the skits, the dance off, or people being sent to The Grog.

What's The Grog?  This is The Grog

The toilet was filled with far too many clear liquors and sweet and sour mix, to make it appear yellow.  The kiddie potty was filled with other random drinks, all non-alcoholic.  Don't worry, they hadn't been previously used (of this fact, I am not certain but I'm truly hoping it's true).

Prior to coming to the event, the wardroom (the officers within the squadron) were given rules for the dining out.  Any violation of the rules would result in you being called out and sent to The Grog.  And yes, significant others could be sent there as well.  If you were sent there, you had to fill your cup, toast "To the mess", drink the cup, then 'dump' it over your head proving you emptied the cup.  

Some of the rules were things such as no sitting before the XO, no eating before the XO, no talking over the XO, no foul or inappropriate language, no getting up and leaving your table during the meal, talks, etc without permission.  Of course, they can send you to The Grog for anything.  The point is just to keep the night fun and entertaining.  Thankfully for Nick and I, we were both able to avoid The Grog.  

The night ended with everyone just socializing, dancing, and having a good time.
Actually, the night ended with Nick and I (stone sober) and his CO, singing into the mic, completely unassisted by any music (I actually think a Miley song was playing) "The Devil Went Down to Georgia."  It was pretty epic!

I'll be honest, I was really dreading this event.  Normally I'm all about getting all fancy and seeing my husband in his whites.  But we're the newbies in the squadron.  I only knew one wife prior to going to this event.  I had very briefly met a few others the previous weekend at a soccer game, and while they were nice, the conversations were limited.
We showed up and Nick paraded me around, introducing me to the guys he works with.   Meanwhile, all the wives were standing in a circle talking.  I felt so out of place, being the only girl in the group of guys.  While I am extroverted, I'm not one to just start talking to people I don't know.  It takes me a while to warm up.  Being around Nick's coworkers, I wanted to make a good impression as well so I was pretty nervous.  I just kept standing there with Nick thinking, "I wish I knew the women.  It sucks to be this outsider."  Finally, I decided to grow a pair and said to Nick "I'm going to go over and talk with the wives."  And I did.  I began walking over and thankfully two of the girls remembered me from the soccer game, gave me a giant smile and a welcome.  I then was honest and just simply said "I decided to come join you all.  I was tired of the guys' work talk and figured I can't get to know you all if I stay over there."  I met a few new women and we all had a really great time.  While it was really uncomfortable, I'm happy I approached and put myself in their circle.  It definitely helped to make the night much more enjoyable.

Nick and I had a great time that night and it was nice for both of us to hang out with people from his squadron.  Although the newbies, we felt very welcome and I'm looking forward to the next three years with this squadron.

The Esophagus Saga: All Good Things Must Come to an End

I bet you read that title and because it’s Monday, think this is a weekend recap, but you’re mistaken.  I know, you’re upset over it.  I know you all just love weekend recaps.  But dry your eyes, that will be coming tomorrow.

If you're reading this blog, then you know me, which means you probably know that I’ve had some major issues eating.

Every summer, I travel home to have an upper endoscopy performed.  During the endoscopy, they take a balloon down my esophagus and stretch me out.  Due to radiation and surgery, I have scar tissue and some structuring in my esophagus, which can make eating a very difficult task.  Food gets stuck multiple times a meal and at least three times a day I will visit the restroom to manually (gag myself) dislodge it. 

Currently, I only receive the endoscopy once a year but can do it as often as I see necessary.  Following the endoscopy, I can usually go a few weeks without food getting stuck.  Something about the surgery resets some of the nerves and my esophagus will function properly.  I’m usually good for about 17 days.  That is my record.  After 17 days, I’m back to food getting stuck, although for about 3 months, it’s only once a week.  Then months 3-6 post-surgery it’s about two or three times a week.  Month six is when it picks up and becomes more frequent at about  five days a week.  Month nine begins the grueling period where I have to wait until month 12 to get the surgery and I’m dislodging food at almost every meal.

In July, I went home for my annual upper endoscopy.  If you read my previous post, then you know that I was in a lot of pain.  Much more than usual.  It was downright awful and it took me so much longer than normal to bounce back. 

But I was beginning to think we had turned a new leaf;  that this past surgery was my miracle surgery.  I was going on 29 days of not having to dislodge food.  It would still get stuck, but only for a few seconds and then it would begin moving down. 

It was the first time in 8 years that I had a glimpse of my old life.  By now, I had completely forgotten what it felt like to just eat.  To eat without worrying about food getting stuck.  To be able to actively listen and concentrate on the conversations around me while I ate.  To eat without having to concentrate hard on chewing and swallowing.  To eat without having to leave the table and come back to cold food.  To go out to eat with my husband or friends and not get anxiety when the food arrived at the table.  To go to a restaurant and not have to make sure I’m on an end seat.  To eat in my car without having my puke bags easily accessible. 

I mentioned to Nick that it had been 29 days.  He gave me a high-five and a giant hug.  He understands this was a huge milestone.  I was so happy.  I was certain my days of dislodging food had come to a close. 

Finally, for once, something relating to my body was going my way!  I text a few others over my excitement, while also knocking on some wood.  (because, hello!  Superstitions).

Wednesday, September 10^th.  I was sitting on my couch, eating dinner late one night, enjoying a delicious crockpot buffalo pulled chicken sandwich when all of sudden, my food got stuck.  I sat there, waiting for it to move as everything had done the past 41 days.  Except this time, it didn’t move.  After six minutes of discomfort, with tears forming in my eyes, I headed to the bathroom and dislodged my dinner. 

I sat on the floor, next to the toilet, and just began bawling. 

I was so hopeful that these days were behind me.  I honestly thought making it to 41 days, my eating issues was a thing of the past.  My old record was 17 days.  Surely making it to 41 meant my esophagus had finally fixed itself. 

I was wrong.  So incredibly wrong.  I cried.  For a quite a while.  I felt, and still feel, so defeated.   I am so tired of my body working against me.  I am frustrated with the toilet being a routine part of every meal. 

I am frustrated to not have control over my own body.  There is no worse feeling than that of helplessness.   Every day I sit and hope that one day, the nerves will just “click” and things will be normal again.  I hope and pray that they can develop a surgery that won’t be as invasive as my only surgical option right now (one I am not willing to put myself through.) 

I sat there thinking ‘Why me?  God, why can’t just one thing go well for me in regards to my body and my health??  Why do I have to endure this?!”  Deep down, I know he's not the cause of this.  I know he's not doing it to be spiteful.  But when I have questions, especially those without answers, I direct them at The Big Guy.  I just want him to help me out!

I sat there.  And cried.  Hard.  For a long time.  Longing for a life with no physical discomfort from cancer.  Longing for my pre-cancer life and body. 

Which is futile.  These tears were not going to make my situation better.  But dammit, it was the release I needed!!!  I finished crying, stood up, wiped my face, and exited the bathroom.

Ready to take on this life of discomfort I’ve grown so accustomed to.  I tried to remind myself that I’m lucky I’m alive.  Sure, cancer gave me complications but in the end, I won out.  I’m still here.  I was stronger than cancer.  I really try to remember that in my difficult times.  It’s challenging.  When my head is in a toilet, I cannot get the food to dislodge, and tears are welling up in my eyes, it’s hard for me to think “Be happy you’re still here.”  Because in that moment, all I feel is frustration, disappointment, and sadness. But now, days later, I can count my blessings.  I can see that these complications, not just those from eating, are worth it in exchange for life.  

As they say, all good things must come to an end.  41 days.  That’s my new record. I’m still pretty upset over it, but I’ve only had to visit the restroom once more since that time so we’re still on the track of it happening infrequently post-surgery.  But honestly?  One time is one time too many.  

On Saturdays, We Wear Our College Attire, Drink, & Watch the Game

This time of year, everyone's weekend recaps are the same.  I know for the next few months, my Saturdays will be always be beer, good food, and football!

It should come as no surprise that I'm a Mizzou fan.  That is my beloved Alma mater and I miss that campus, that town, and college life so much!!!  Football season was always my favorite.  My freshman year, we lived in the dorm with all the football freshman football players.  They became good friends of ours and it made the games even more enjoyable to not only be cheering on our team, but cheering on our friends.

My Saturdays have always revolved around Mizzou football.
Before going to Mizzou, I'd travel the two hours there, stay with my brother, and tailgate with his friends.
Saturdays while attending Mizzou revolved around tailgating, the game, more tailgating, and then hitting up the bars.
I graduated in 2008 and moved back to my hometown of St. Louis, but I continued to travel back to Mizzou to tailgate and attend games.
Saturdays are just a day for college football.  End of story.

Sadly, my tailgating and game-going days had to come to an end.
In 2011, I married a man in the United States Navy.  As you all might know, Missouri doesn't have an ocean for those big Navy ships and thus I had to move.  Sadly, I can't afford to fly home for every home game.  The best I can do now is cheer on my Tigers here in Florida.  Thankfully, with Mizzou moving to the SEC back in 2012, I'm able to catch their games since I reside in SEC country.

A few months ago, I posted a photo of a shirt that I really wanted.  Little did I know, this shirt would be showing up in my mailbox just a few days later.  My sweet husband saw this shirt online and ordered it for me, knowing just how much I'd love it!

(I'll admit, the shirt would be a LOT better if it said "I may live in Florida but I'm always in Mizzou Country").


You'll be happy to know, no more weekend recaps (unless it's pretty epic) because Saturdays you will find me drinking beer and watching my Tigers.  (And watching other college football before and after our game.)  Some Saturdays it might be on my couch and others it might be at a bar with my fellow Northeast Florida Mizzou Alumni Chapter.

Oh, you'll also find these two girls shoved into jerseys that are now a bit too small for them.
(It's one of the few times I think doggies clothes are acceptable).

 

What is your college team?
Do you dress up your dogs for game day?

Recreating Our First Date

Once upon a time, back in 2007, Nicholas and I went on our first real date.  

I say 'real' because we had hung out a few times previously, but it was always with a group of friends.  Then he returned to power school in South Carolina and our {unofficial} relationship consisted of just phone calls.  Such a glamourous long distance, military relationship life we lead.  

In April 2007, Nicholas took leave and returned home to Missouri.  He drove up to Mizzou and that night, we had our first real date.  It was your cliche 'dinner and a movie' date.  We started at Applebee's for dinner and then headed to the theater to see TMNT.  Yes, that is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  I have no shame in admitting I love the turtles and was dying to see this movie.  As a boy, Nick was not opposed to the idea either.  And we loved it!!!  

Fast forward seven years and five months....

When the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies hit the theaters a few weeks ago, we decided it'd be a cute idea to recreate our first date.  

Friday night, we headed out to Applebee's.  Back then, we just talked about our lives, which were separate and now starting to blend;  more 'getting to know you' talk.  This date consisted of reminiscing about those days which transitioned into talking about visions of our future.  

While at dinner, talking about how crazy it is that this date happened over seven years ago, it was then that I realized we were truly reliving this first date weekend.
You see, April 6, 2007, we went on our first date to Applebee's and to see TMNT (and we became "official" that night after the date.)
And the next day, the reason Nick came in town, we attended a wedding.  Which was the exact same thing we would be doing the following day!!!!!  We had been trying to see this movie for a few weeks and things kept getting in the way.  It's pretty ironic that the day we made it happen, was the day before a wedding.

So we were truly reliving the first date weekend; the first date as an unofficial couple, and the first official date!!!!

As you might have seen on Instagram, I was poking fun at my husband.  You see these four shirts below?  Well, the first two are brand new. He bought them last night before dinner (along with a new tie and three-piece suit).  And the back two are two he already owns.  Ummm....they're almost identical!  Sure, they're different, but just barely!!!  But clearly to my metrosexual husband, they are "significantly different" and he needed these two new ones.  {insert eye roll}

So while I love to give him trouble about how long it takes him to pick out clothes, or complain because he has far more clothes than I do, loves fashion and shopping, and drives me nuts sometimes, I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it.
After he got dressed, I was feeling pretty lucky to be bringing such a dashing man as my date to my volunteers' wedding that afternoon.

I always have and always will be attracted to metrosexual men.  I just love a man who is well groomed, does his hair, loves to dress nicely, and looks damn good while doing it!  I mean, look at him!

So dapper!  And he even cooperated and let me take many, many photos of him.  

{Y'all, I'm not even sorry I'm bombarding you with photos of him.  This is my blog and I love looking back on posts after months and years.  And I know I'll love looking back at this handsome husband of mine.}

I mean, clearly I'm biased since he's my husband, but he's not hard on the eyes so hopefully this isn't too painful for you to look at him ;)  

(Sadly the sleeves became wrinkled by the time I had the idea for him to take off his jacket).

And it just seems appropriate that today I participate in my first ever #ManCrushMonday.  I've never done it.  Mainly because my husband is my crush, but that's cheesy and lame to post. However, I'm here today to be lame and cheesy and declare this man as my #ManCrushMonday...today and everyday.

Okay, so enough of that.  We hopped in the car and headed to the wedding.  Of course, I wanted to snap some more photos.  They were going to be just for myself but then he decided to be an ass and stick his tongue out and act like an angry elf, then declare "Don't post those anywhere".  So naturally I had to post them.

Then it was wedding time!  We were lucky enough to score seats in the shade (although we still sweat half our body weight away).  Thankfully the ceremony was short and then we got to move inside to some air conditioning.

The reception ended early in the evening so we decided to carry out the date by heading to a wine bar and enjoying an evening on the patio.

We still weren't ready to call it a night so we headed to Jax Beach and grabbed a late dinner on a beachside patio.  It was an amazing evening!  The breeze coming off the ocean was perfect.  Afterwards we headed down the street and met up with some of my co-workers until we finally thought it might be good to head home and be good dog parents and stop neglecting the dogs.

It was such a perfect evening.  My husband truly is my best friend so add that in with getting the opportunity to dress up and have a nice evening out; it was the perfect recipe. Work has been getting back into the long work weeks of crazy stressfulness for me and this next week is going to be long and rough for Nick as well.  It was a much needed date and it was nice to bring some sentimentality to it by recreating our first date.

For fun, here's a photo from then, and now!

How did you spend your Labor Day Weekend?
Have you ever recreated a first date or an older moment or event??