World Cancer Day - Make a Difference

Today is World Cancer Day.

Almost 9 years ago, I heard the words "You have cancer" and my life has never been the same.
There are no words to express how blessed I am to still be on this earth.  The odds were not in my favor, and even my own doctors didn't think I'd make it.  It was the worst year of my life, and there were times I wanted to give up and die because the pain was so bad.  Thankfully, I had an amazing support system that didn't let that happen.  They carried me on those weak days and were my smile when I seemed to have forgotten how.

Unfortunately, not everyone else is as lucky.  Not everyone's story ends in success.  In August 2013, I lost my grandpa to cancer.  My world was turned upside down and some days, many days, I still feel lost as I try to navigate through life without his advice, hugs, and jokes.
Since my first clear scan in November 2006, I've often been struck with survivor's guilt.  That feeling has intensified as I watch my own family suffer the loss of Grandpa.  It plagues me when one my cancer friends lose their battle.  What made me so fortunate, when no one thought I would, to have won my battle with cancer?  I'm no better than the others.  And Lord knows I'm no better than Grandpa (few people are better than that man).

I try not to think about cancer but it's impossible.  I still suffer from complications that remind me, at least once an hour, every single day, of what I've been through.  

As the days draw closer to February 14th, I get anxious thinking about that day.  It's been 9 years and the memories of that day, and those that followed, haunt me.  They make me anxious, sick to my stomach, upset and angry.  I'm filled with feelings of "why me?" and "why us?".  Why was I chosen to get cancer?  Even though it's gone, why do I still have to take medication and suffer through the complications?  Why am I still at a high risk for another cancer?  Why did my family, especially my parents and siblings, have to watch me go through that?  Why do my parents have to live in the fear of their daughter relapsing and worrying over any illness?   Why does my husband still have to watch me endure the pain and discomfort on a daily basis?

At the same time, I'm filled with feelings of graciousness, direction, and passion.  I am so grateful I'm still here.  I'm grateful that I've had more birthdays, Christmases, 4th of Julys, and family vacations.  I'm grateful that I met my husband through my battle.  I'm grateful that cancer did not, as they said it very well could have, rob me of (biological) motherhood and that, for the most part, I am carrying this little miracle son complication free.  

I have direction in what I should be doing in life.  I do that every day in my career as I work for a local cancer nonprofit and get to touch the lives of survivors and their families and fight back against the disease every day.  I found my passion in life; to help others.  I'm a 'mentor' and 'angel' on various internet support groups.  I share my story and help other young adult women go through what I went through.  I even help family members who aren't sure what to do or say for their loved one battling cancer.

Leiomyosarcoma brought so much negativity to my life and still continues to on a daily basis.  But I'm also reminded, daily, of the good it's brought me.  There really is beauty from pain if you look for it.

Today, on World Cancer Day, I encourage you to fight back or raise awareness.  Schedule a doctor's appointment if you haven't been in over a year (remember, I was incredibly healthy and the last person the doctors would suspect of cancer and it happened to me).  Encourage your loved ones to schedule their mammogram or colonoscopy.  Give blood (I've had a total of 7 blood transfusions and each one saved my life).   Put down those cigarettes.  Call a survivor and treat them to lunch or dinner.  Join a fundraiser (my favorite is Relay For Life).  Volunteer to be a Road to Recovery driver.  Volunteer at the hospital (the volunteers were some of my favorite people during my chemo days).  If you own a company, donate some of your funds or services to a cancer organization.  Gather a group of friends and offer to make dinner at a Hope Lodge if you have one in your area.
 Cancer affects almost everyone, in some way, whether you realize it or not.  Get out there and help. 

Today, I'm celebrating my life as well as the lives of those currently fighting cancer and those who have won their battle. Today, I'm remembering those who lost their battle, such as Grandpa. 

Now go hug a survivor!