One Year Ago, I Became a Mom

One year ago, after years of praying cancer did not take my fertility as was a risk of my treatments, I found out I was going to be a mother. It was a role I strongly desired before I could even truly understand it. 

I was only three and a half weeks pregnant.  Although I wanted to scream from the rooftops that we were pregnant, I knew all too well that I needed to wait; I needed to make sure this little baby was healthy.  I knew that conceiving might not happen, but if it did, there was still the risk of the eggs being too damaged from cancer treatments to be carried for long.  So we waited.  

My life revolved around waiting.  "Hurry up and wait".  It's the military's motto.  But this was one of the hardest waitings I've had to do.  I just wanted to share our news with loved ones and ask them to pray that this little baby stay strong and healthy.

Obviously Nick's and my prayers were enough because we now have our precious four month old son.

Just five days new!!

Jaxon, you are nothing I expected, yet everything I dreamed. You have given me a happiness that I could have never imagined, and at the same time, fears I wish I never had to consider; how desperately I wish the world were a better place for you to grow up in.  I promise to strive to guide you and help you grow into the type of man your daddy is; one that makes this sometimes all too evil world a better place.  While I promise to always be there for you, I won't be too close because you need to make your own mistakes and experience hurt; it will teach you lessons I can't and help you grow into a stronger, more well-rounded man.  Unfortunately, growth requires pain.  So take risks and explore the world around you.  While you're exploring, I'll always be close enough to help you, but far enough away to let you fly.  I won't always have a cure, but I do promise to listen without judgement, give advice when you ask for it, make you laugh when you need a smile, and give you 'tough love' when you need it.  Most importantly, I promise to love you unconditionally and give you the best life possible.  

One and a half weeks new

Motherhood isn't easy. Some days are more challenging than others, and I shed my fair share of tears of frustration and exhaustion. Baby boy, I hope that you're able to see through these moments, and know that you are fiercely loved. You've changed me in so many ways, and everyday you make me strive to be a better person.  Each day, I think of you when I make any decision.  I want my life to be a positive example for you now while also making you proud of me in the future.

Two weeks new

One year ago today, I learned I was a mom and my love for you began. Nothing can prepare you for the love of your child, and I'm amazed with each passing day as my heart some how grows to hold more love than the previous day. Jaxon Thomas, You are the best thing I've ever done and not a day goes by that I don't thank God for blessing your daddy and I with you.  

Four months old