Weirdest Noise Ever

Sometimes Vino likes to step up her game in the "Weird" category.  Normally Yadi takes the cake but sometimes, Vino pulls ahead.

Such as when they play and wrestle.  Occasionally, but not all the time, Vino makes the WEIRDEST noises while she plays with Yadi.

For your pleasure, I've recorded it.  Around the time 0:30 is when she starts, but at 0:45 is when she really get into it.  Nick says she sounds like a dying baby dinosaur.  While morbid, I can understand why he says it.
(Also if you continue watching, around the time 1:44 they return to the bed and you can hear Yadi's snort/snarl that she makes while she plays.)

This playful wrestling/fighting behavior is an every day, multiple times a day occurrence in our house (minus the weird noises).  But usually, the fighting out of the bed is a bit more intense....such as the video below: (sorry for the quality of the first one.  It was about midnight so I didn't have many lights on)

Thank goodness for indestructive laminate hardwood floors!!!  Hours of this every day for over a year and not a single scratch or bit of damage done to them!
This is also the reason why two dogs are better than one!!!  They are never bored because they always have a play buddy.  Whether they're wrestling in the house or playing tag in the yard, they have someone to entertain them and wear each other out!

Occurrences, Not Coincidences

In my previous post about Nick's selection, I mentioned that I received a surprise package in the mail that calmed my nerves and put me at ease.

You see, Nick's selection was a really big deal for us.  I was so incredibly nervous.  While getting ready to leave for his selection, I went out to get the mail.  That in and of itself is weird.  I never get the mail.  It's only ever bills so why bother???  Nick is ALWAYS the one to get the mail.  (Ask him if you think I'm making this up.) But today, after finishing my hair and makeup, while standing in the closet looking at my clothes getting frustrated over what to wear (I felt I should be dressy since it's a big day but it's always a SUPER casual event), I suddenly thought "You should go get the mail." So I walked outside to the mailbox and inside, there was a package from Shutterfly.  I knew I didn't order anything but thought maybe Nick made something for me for Valentine's Day?  (How silly of me to think that lol.  Nick?  On top of holidays?  No way!)  I walked inside, "Did you order something from Shutterfly?"
"No...I don't even know know that is."

It was addressed to me so I sat on the couch and opened it.  And then began bawling my eyes out (in the end causing me to run late because I had to redo my makeup.)

I received this book:

It was FULL of pictures of Andy as a baby and then throughout his life, ending with many, many photos (a lot of them being some of the ones I took and gave away!).  In addition to the photos, there were many little stories of Andy's silly antics growing up.  It was the most amazing gift ever.

Included was also the Penny poem I had lost over the years!!!
We were given this poem after Andy had passed and I have many of my own "penny stories".

(For those that do not know, Andy is a friend of mine that was tragically taken from us in our junior year of high school.  I've blogged about him a few times.)

It was in this moment that I was calmed.  This book could not have come at a better time.
Seeing Andy's face smiling at me, I knew he sent me out to the mailbox.  He wanted me to see this before we left.  It was his way of saying, "I'm here for you.  Like I always am.  I will take care of you and watch over you.  No matter what today results in, you will be okay because I, along with God, will be by your side."  It was Andy reminding me that no matter what Nick selected that day, God has a plan for us.  It might not be the plan we would like, but He has a plan.  And we need to just trust in His plan.  And Andy would be there to guide us through it.

My nerves were calmed.  I let go of my nervousness (although it returned when it was Nick's turn to take his shots and find out his platform.


Andy's mother was the one who sent me this book.  She had read my post about Andy on the anniversary of his death and said she would send me something.  I just assumed she'd mail me a photo of Andy that I could put in a frame.  This was far beyond anything I could have imagined but it means the world to me.

I sent her a message thanking her for the book and explaining to her that it came right when I needed it. I was shocked to find out that the book was not actually scheduled to arrive until Friday!!!
Donna explained it perfectly:  "These are not coincidences but rather occurrences."  And I could not agree with her more.  Our Andy Angel sent that book a day earlier knowing I needed him.  (He probably thought a penny would not be enough!!!)  And our Andy Angel sent me to that mailbox.

Donna, thank you, so much.  There are no words to express what this book and your generosity mean to me.  Thank you for taking the time to write that book and send it to me.  I will cherish it forever.

Andy, once again, you've pulled through as the most amazing Guardian Angel ever.  You never cease to amaze me or be there for me.  I need to remember to lean on your more instead of waiting for such blatant signs!  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.




(I know I do not speak often of God and my beliefs.  I am very much a private, spiritual person.  I believe my relationship with God is just that...MY relationship with God.  I pray privately and I talk to God privately.  But I am a strong believer in Him, the power of prayer, and His love for us.)

Platform Selection

Continuing on with my posts about Nick and flight training, today was platform selection.

Nick was cool, calm, and collected all day.  I, on the other hand, was a nervous wreck and it was hard for me to eat.  Luckily just before we left, I received a surprise package in the mail that put me at ease...at least for the time being.  My nerves did return when selection began.  (I will blog about that tomorrow).

We arrived on base, and went upstairs to the squadron bar and hung out for a while waiting for selection to start.
When it was time, the six selectees at the bar.  The CO asks them to introduce any special guests they have attending, and then begins talking about how proud they were of them, how the hard work needs to continue on, and how they need to remember to thank those that helped them get where they are, such as significant others and other family members.
Then they went around the bar and asked the selectees to give one thing they liked or appreciated about VT-3, one thing they disliked or thought needed some improvement, and then any sort of safety issues they felt should be addressed.

Then it was time for selection.  The VT-3 Red Knight squadron has a very fun and unique way of doing selection.  Although it just prolongs the anxiety, it's fun and the students much more prefer it this way than over how other squadrons do it (which is just sitting in a room and being told what they got.)

Before starting, the CO makes sure everyone has a designated driver there.  Then the selectees go one at a time while sitting at the bar and the CO places a few paper cups in front of them.  On the bottom of each cup are the different platforms, along with some bullshit cups (such as "repeat TBS" if you're a Marine or "repeat Contacts" which is the first part of Primary training).  The student brings their own alcohol and pours a shot into a shot glass in front of them  (they are also told they do not HAVE to drink, it's just a fun social thing so they can shoot water or soda if they want).
They must toast, with the first shot ALWAYS being to the Red Knights, take the shot, then choose a cup, flip it over, and read the bottom.  The CO then says yes or no.  If it's a yes, they're done and they know their platform.  If it's a no, they pour another shot, toast to anything they want, then flip another cup.  They continue to go down the line until they finally reveal their platform.

Reading a cup to the CO

The CO congratulating him.

Nick looking at me, relieved and happy, after finding out he got his first choice!

Below, you can watch Nick's platform selection.  Click the small box in the bottom right hand corner to enlarge the video to full screen:

HELOS!!!!  I cannot tell you how excited we were!!!!!!  (I just love the way he turns and looks at me and smiles after he finds out.)


Afterwards, the CO gives a little talk, which I recorded:

Afterwards, the bar a is open to everyone (selectees, others in VT-3 who are there to watch, friends and family) to drink and enjoy.  It is customary for the selectees to leave whatever liquor they bring and this is how the bar is always stocked and able for open use to everyone.  They also have a keg with beer and a popcorn machine.  Nick and his friends hung out from about 3pm until about 7pm just drinking, celebrating, and playing darts, foosball, ping pong, and some drinking games.

Nick and his partners during Primary.
Mike (to Nick's right) was his on-wing partner.
Greg (to Nick's left) was his forms partner.

Christina and Nick taking a celebratory shot

Nick's class' ceiling tile.
This is his class patch (you can see it on his right shoulder of his flight suit in these photos).  Each class puts their patch's design on a ceiling tile and has it displayed in the bar room.

Nick's classmates that selected today.

Nick behind the Red Knights bar

Each member is also given a framed picture of the T-6 (the plane they flew in Primary) and their classmates sign the mat.  In addition, Nick bought himself a Red Knight t-shirt, a coin (he has quite a few various military coins and they're something he collects.), and a VT-3 glass.  Our good friends also attended and bought him a Training Wing 5 t-shirt (Training Wing 5 is the entire base) and it has a photo of the T-6 on it so he really loved it!

I cannot express just how proud of Nicholas I am.  I've watched him for over a year thoroughly enjoy what he does every single day.  Even the days he didn't have the most perfect flight, he still loved the fact that he was flying.  Even the days he barely had time for a shower, he still loved his flight training.  The days when we would speak 5 words to each other because he was so busy were all completely worth it to see him accomplishing his dreams.  I feel so honored to be his wife and be by side through all of this.  It's amazing to be able to witness his dreams falling into place.  I feel very blessed.  His hard work, dedication, and pure passion for flying paid off today as he was selected for his first choice.
We are both so excited!  While Nick is incredibly sad to be finished flying the T-6 (he now pouts when he sees a T-6 flying over), he is so excited to learn how to fly helicopters.
We are excited to enter into the helo community and we are beyond excited to start a new adventure!!!



So what's next?

Nick's report date is February 06, 2013.
Luckily, we do not move.  His next phase of training is called "Advanced" and it is actually on NAS Whiting Field, the same base we are currently stationed at.
This phase of training typically takes 6-7 months and he will be training on a small helicopter, the TH-57 B/C (Bravo and Charlie models) "Sea Ranger".

After training, Nick will get his wings and officially be a Naval Aviator!  Then it's off to a squadron in the fleet after he selects the specific type of helicopter he will fly to begin his very first sea tour!  (For those asking, this is the point where Nick becomes deployable.)


I wanted to thank our friends and family.  Thank you for the support and encouragement you've provided Nick through his enlistment, Academy days, and now throughout flight school.  It really helps him knowing he has so many people behind him.  The outpouring of love yesterday through phone calls, text messages, emails, Facebook messages and statuses was amazing!  I am not sure how we got so lucky to have so many amazing people in our life, both family and friends, that love us and support us to the extent that you all do!
To my family, you have no idea how much it warms my heart to see the amazing pride you have for Nick.  To know you love and adore him as much as you do me.   The tears of joy, emails, and Facebook statuses you all dedicated to him meant so much.
To my friends, near and far, thank you!  It makes me smile to know so many people demanded I text them as soon as I knew.  On top of family, I probably had a list of about 20 friends who wanted to know as soon as I was able to text.
You all are seriously the best.  I hope you know we wouldn't be here without you.  You continue to support Nick and that drives him to excel in his career and your love and support keeps me strong in this lifestyle while having to be so far from everyone.
To our Milton/Pensacola family, thank you for the support!  Thanks for making our time here so enjoyable.  You are all a big part of why we are excited to stay living here!!!  TEAM HELO ;)


To check out one or two additional videos in addition to a lot more photos (of them hanging out and celebrating, of the bar room, his gifts, etc) {click HERE} and check them out!

Why Platform Selection is a HUGE Deal

Tomorrow is Platform Selection for Nick.  Because I am asked this a lot, "platform" simply refers to the type of aircraft he will be flying.  The choices are:
Rotary (That is helicopters and Advanced Training is actually here at NAS Whiting Field where we are currently stationed.)
Maritime (That is what they call a P-3 or P-8 or the UAV the Triton and training for that is in Corpus Christi, Texas.)
Tailhook (That is the various jets, C-2, or E-2.  The training for these platforms are either in Meridian, Mississippi or in Kingsville, Texas).

To those in the aviation community, they understand how big of a deal tomorrow is.  To civilians or even military families in other communities, they might not understand.  So I shall attempt to explain.

The type of aircraft you fly completely dictates many things.  For Nick, it determines obviously the type of aircraft he flies as well as the various missions he will complete.  (Each aircraft, even different models of each aircraft, are made to do certain missions such as patrol of submarines, minesweeping, etc.)  There are some platforms that Nick does not want simply because of the type of missions they're made for.  It would be awful to be stuck with a job that you hate what you're doing, right?  (And unlike civilians, Nick couldn't just quit because he's unhappy because has a contract with the Navy.  And "switching jobs", while an option, is not at all easy to do.)

For us as a couple (and eventually a family), platforms dictate a lot about our life, such as our lifestyle in forms of how much Nick is home and communication while he's away, and locations of where we could be stationed.
To explain a little more about lifestyles, various platforms have more challenging lifestyles (for lack of better words) whereas others are a little easier (as easy as a military life can be).  Some platforms endure longer and more frequent deployments than others.
Some platforms, unfortunately because of their mission and locations, greatly restrict communication...limited emails, little to no video chatting or phone calls.  Whereas some platforms have the ability to communicate with their families on almost a daily basis.

Another big factor is duty stations.  Just because we are Navy does not mean we can be stationed at any Navy base.  The base must have squadrons of whatever platform Nick flies.  For instance, if Nick were to fly the MH-53 (a helicopter), they only have two squadrons and both are stationed in Norfolk, Virginia.  Nowhere else.
To some, it might not seem like a huge deal, but to us, that is.  Call us crazy, but we do have preferences for where we'd like to live and where we would not want to live.  (Although, we'd adjust and find the positives anywhere we go.  It's what we did here in the redneck sticks of Milton.  Negativity and pessimism just aren't us, nor is it a way of life we're willing to lead.)

For me, I prefer a lifestyle where Nick will be able to communicate with me.  Not asking for everyday because we're in the military and I'd never be naive enough to think we'd get that (but I'd welcome it if it were possible.)  But enough communication to know he's alive, safe, and doing well on a semi-regular basis.  Enough to give him updates on my (and future children's) lives.
I prefer a platform that will make Nick come home each day with the smile he has now.  Not just from loving the job he's performing and the aircraft he's flying, but also because he loves the people within his squadron.

I don't really know how to convey tomorrow's importance.  As I re-read this, I feel like I'm not conveying just how big of a deal this is.  I feel saying these things doesn't really give you a clear picture of why this is a huge deal.  But I don't really know what else to say.  So I'll just move on.


The two questions I keep getting asked:
What did Nick put as his preferences?
What is my first choice?

When Nick began his aviation training in September 2011, he was between Helos and Maritime, but leaning towards Helos.  (He had an aviation training his last summer at the Academy with an MH-53 helo squadron and absolutely LOVED it!!!!)  Jets were not even on his radar (he did/does not want the missions nor the lifestyle of jets.)
Then suddenly the last three months, he brought up going jets.  I was taken aback.  He had never talked about jets and now he suddenly couldn't decide if he wanted helos or jets more.  Maritime had suddenly taken the last spot because he learned of the UAV, the Triton, and he does not want the risk of "flying" this at all.  Simply because Nick wants to be in a cockpit and flying.  So as to not risk getting stuck with the Triton, he decided that will be his very last preference.
For the last few months, he has really struggled with what he wanted to put as his number one preference.  The month of December was really, really stressful for him.  As I said, it's a big deal.  How do you decide something so major, without ever actually engaging in it?!  There are obviously a lot of unknowns with each, such as what TYPE of jet or helo would he fly?  Each different model has it's own missions.  So let's say he wanted the MH-53 and chose helos for that reason.  There is a chance (a good chance since that community is so small) he won't get the 53 and he'd get the one of the 60 models of helos.
He continually weighed the pros and cons but each time, he was left more confused and stressed out.
He would also ask me for my opinion.  I was always hesitant to give it to him.  While I know this is my life too, and I had a very strong opinion, I didn't want him to base his decision off of me.  He does know my preference but I made it clear to him that I want him to do what HE wants.  I'm very aware that if he goes to work and doesn't enjoy it, then that unhappiness will spill over into our marriage and home life.  I can and will handle whatever platform we get.  While I hate change, I am able to adapt and find the positives.  I'm a very strong and very independent individual.  And luckily I can be a nurse anywhere we move.  What matters most to me is that Nick chooses what will make him the happiest.

In the end, Nick FINALLY decided on his preferences.  Yesterday after his last flight, he filled out all his paperwork and put his preferences as follows:
1.  Rotary
2.  T1 (Tailhook in Meridian, MS-{that's what the '1' refers to})
3.  T2 (Tailhook in Kingsville, TX)
4.  Maritime.

I can say I am happy with this.  Very happy.  Helos are most definitely my first preference for a lot of reasons {that I will not get into...at least not now}.  I just really, really hope he gets it!!!
I guess the good thing for Nick is if he doesn't get his first choice, while he'll be disappointed, it will only be a little disappointment.  He won't be devastated with jets since up until a week ago, he was thinking that would be his number one.  (I guess that's a positive of being indecisive?  Because he sure is the King of Indecisiveness.)


I'm just a ball of nerves and it's been so hard for me to eat today.  I just need to get to tomorrow at 3pm.  I went to a friend's selection a few months ago (same squadron as Nick) and I was a wreck.  And it wasn't even my husband!!!  I was shaking so badly and my palms were sweating!!!  I do not even want to think about what I'm going to be like when I'm upstairs in the VT-3 bar as Nick is waiting to take his shots and find out what he gets.  (Yes, I said taking shots.  VT-3 has the coolest tradition when it comes to selection!  Don't worry, that blog post will come tomorrow or Friday.)


There's really no other way for me to explain this.  Hopefully I was able to make you see, even if it was just in the slightest way, why tomorrow is so important and huge for us!   In short, it really determines what our life in the Navy is going to look like!!!!  Ahhhhhhh

Nick: Primary Complete

April 23, 2012:  Nick checked into VT-3 Red Knights squadron for Primary Training.

June 01, 2012:  Nick had his very first flight in the T-6B Texan II.

September 14, 2012:  Nick had his very first solo (contacts solo) in the T-6.

January 22, 2012:  Nick had his very last flight in the T-6 and is Primary Complete!!!!

It's been a long process.  The summer brings rain every single day so it took quite a while for Nick to get through the contacts phase but once September hit, and the rain subsided, he flew almost everyday (well, everyday that planes were available and the occasional bad weather days.  And he was med-down (unable to fly for medical reasons) for about 3 weeks).

Today was his last flight, which was his formations solo.  I was lucky enough to be able to sit on base and watch him fly by for the break, and then as he came down to land (I couldn't capture him actually landing because there were trees in the way and I parked where I could get a video of him flying in formation, because I felt that video was cooler than him landing.)
In these vidoes, he's flying at 1300 feet MSL, which is 1100 feet above ground level, at 200 knots.

Nick is the rear plane.

The video below is Nick (rear plane) and his instructor flying (I suggest clicking the bottom right hand corner button on the video to enlarge it so you can see it better since the planes are tiny in this video.)

The video below is Nick and his instructor coming in, separately, for their landing.  Nick's instructor is the first plane coming in and Nick will be second.  You can see them off in the distance by the tower, then they come in, loop around, and come down for the landing.  I do not actually capture him landing on the runway because there are trees and a building in the way.  I positioned myself to get a better video of him flying which I thought was more important for videoing.  If you watch until the end, you'll see him pass in front of the trees after passing that building.  (Again, I'd enlarge the video to see it more clearly.)

After he passed by, I hopped in the car and drove to the line shack to meet him as he walked off the flight line.

There he is!!!  Mr. Primary Complete!

I don't know if you can really see it in this picture, but he is smiling from ear to ear.
That smile is what makes my homesickness, my "I'm a planner" anxiety, missing my significant other, and hatred of change, worth every bit of this military lifestyle.

Proud wife with her dedicated husband!
(It was sooo cold!!  Well, to me.  It was about 50 degrees.)

LOVE seeing him in all his gear.  Good thing I'm a sucker for flight suits ;)  It's definitely my favorite uniform he owns.
If he gets his first choice at Thursday's platform selection, this will be the last time he wears all the mask and G-suit.  (Unless he opts to come back here to be an instructor for his shore tour).

Then he updated his very last Aviation Training Jacket for Primary 

and totaled up his log book for the last time in Primary.  (He gets annoyed with me taking photos but I wanted to document this day because it's a big milestone!)

and that was it!  He is Primary Complete and will be selecting his platform on Thursday!!! (I will blog about what this means and why it's a HUGE deal tomorrow.)
He is really excited to find out what he'll be flying next, but he is really sad about being finished with the T-6.  He thoroughly loved Primary and really loved flying that plane.  As of now, he says he'd love to move back here and be an instructor for the Primary.

I cannot begin to express how incredibly proud of him I am.  It fills my heart to the point I feel like it's going to burst when I see him up there flying or when he's walking off the flight line (and it doesn't hurt that he looks sexy in that flight suit, especially when he has all of his gear on).  I just feel so blessed to be able to watch him as he works towards achieving his dream of becoming a Naval Aviator.   

I also feel so incredibly blessed that I'm able to share in these milestones with him.  I love attending his different traditions such as his first solo, tie cutting, and selection or just simply watching him fly.  I know in other communities, it's not as easy to share in the service member's continued accomplishments and watch them at work.  I could not be happier that we are a part of the aviation community for these reasons (among many others.)  It's been nothing short of fun and exciting and I look forward to all the wonderful memories and milestones I'll continue to be a part of in future trainings and in the fleet.

We've both greatly enjoyed our time in VT-3.  It has a bad rep, but that's only coming from people not in VT-3. {The only (negative) difference is that they have Knight School (this is where it gets the bad rep from.  It's a mandatory 2 hour, Monday through Friday, morning "meeting" with the class and one or two instructors to discuss the contacts phase of flying.}  I cannot say enough wonderful things about this squadron.  They have a lot of fun traditions (such as the way they do tie cutting, the pool dunking after their first solo, and their platform selection), they are very family-oriented and welcome any and all to join their events, and camaraderie amongst the class is awesome to witness.  Nick and his classmates gather together often whether it's bowling, barbecues, or nights out downtown.  They all come to every one's solo pool dunk, tie cuttings, and selection (even though they're in the same class, they all end up in different stages of training because of schedules and hold ups so not everyone does these things at the same time and even within the same month as others.)  We're really going to miss our time here at VT-3 but we're looking forward to the next training squadron we'll become a part of!

in the VT-3 bar

Nick's Class:  Composed of Navy, Marines, Coast Guard, and Air Force student aviators.

To view ALL of the photos from today, {click HERE}

Yadi: Stitches Removed

Yadi had her stitches removed just one week ago!!!  And thank goodness!

Her stitches and wound a few days before getting them removed

The process was easy.  We were put in a room, the vet tech came in, took her temp, and listened to her heart.
The vet then came in, looked at her stitches and wound, said it looked good and the stitches could come out.
Then she put the leash on her and took her in the back.  Just two minutes later, the door opened, in came Yadi, and we were told we were good to go.
We checked out (with no charge at all) and headed straight to the dog park to let her run her little heart out!!

We met some friends there and the girls had a blast.  Yadi was happy to be able to run and play fetch again.  Vino was happy her play buddy was back in action.

Now tell me that doesn't look like a happy pup!

The non-pad portion of her foot looks great.  But the pad of her foot looks cracked.  However, we're told it will always look a little rough and cracked like this.  It's simply because the pads of their paws are a very tough tissue and it just doesn't repair and regrow like the skin elsewhere. But this is what her paw looked like after the park.  It looks great (minus being dirty) in my opinion!

Vocal Vino

For those that do not know, Vino is NOT a vocal dog.  She's very rarely heard (she's actually quite the little ninja!).
She very rarely ever barks, never whines, etc.  The only time you hear noises from her are when Yadi sits on her when she's sleeping (she gets testy when she's sleepy) or when the girls play (Vino makes some weird noises.)

Anyway, we've tried ALL the techniques to get our dogs to howl...or anything remotely close to a howl. NOTHING works (not sirens, not other dogs howling, not us howling...not any YouTube video we watched or other recommendations have worked.  Our dogs just refuse to howl).

The other day, I was sitting in the living room on the floor playing with the dogs.  And by "the dogs" I mean Yadi.  Vino isn't really into playing with us.  She is a playful pup, but only with other dogs or toys by herself.  She romps all over the house flinging her toys in the air and catching them.  She loves to wrestle and play with Yadi and other dogs. But with us...not so much.  We aren't sure why.  Sometimes she'll bring a toy over, and we grab it to play tug-of-war and she just lets go.  It kind of sucks.  The moment you get on the ground to play, she just comes to sit in your lap.

But this day, I found a game she loves!  I'll get into that in another post because it's too cute and funny. Anyway, playing with Vino is hard because Yadi is an attention whore.  The moment you start to have fun with Vino, Yadi comes in to attack (in a playful way) Vino, distracts her, and then gets Vino playing with her.  We wanted a video of Vino's new game, so I put Yadi in our bedroom and shut the door.
Yadi, being the sass pot she is, didn't like this (one, because her sister was getting attention and not her, and two, because I was out of her sight {she's OBSESSED with me}.)  So Yadi starts her typical obnoxious barking and whining.  I ignored it and sat on the ground to play my game with Vino.  But she was soooo concerned with Yadi.  She sat in my lap and began howling!!!!

We were SHOCKED!!!  Not only do our dogs not howl, but Vino doesn't ever make a sound!!!!  Of course, Nick was on top of things and videoed it.  How cute is it that she was so concerned about Yadi and responded to her cries?!  These girls just love each other SOOOO much!

Andy Mann: Eleven Years

Today marks 11 years since Andy left our world.  Eleven years of missing an incredible man.
I can still remember it all so vividly.  I wish I couldn't.  It always brings tears and heartache.

There are no words to describe the type of person Andy was.  He's was only one of the most amazing people ever.  It's still hard for me to understand why he was taken from us.  So young.  So suddenly.  And in such a tragic way.  It just doesn't seem fair.  At all.  I know I need to stop questioning it because we'll never understand. But I do keep searching.  The only thing I can come up is that God put Andy here on this earth to show us how to live life.  A life full of love and acceptance for everyone.  A life full of nothing but laughter and living for others.  I tell myself Andy was put here to be an example for us.  And God thought Andy had accomplished that in his short 17 years here on earth.  And by His taking him, has made all of us stop and think.  We all knew how amazing Andy was, but it was by his death that made us realize that we too should be living a life like his.  (Although I'm still searching for why he had to be taken in the horrible way that he was.  That I will NEVER understand.)
Is this the reason Andy was taken from us?  No one knows.  But I think this makes perfect sense.  So it's what I chose to believe.

Today I woke up and thought a lot about Andy.  Andy is always on my mind.  But especially today, on the anniversary of his death.
I laid in bed crying, feeling guilty I didn't visit him while I was home.  I know I don't need to be sitting at his grave to talk to him or feel him around me.  But I feel better and closer to him when I'm there.  When I touch his stone, it's like I can feel him touching me...as if he's sitting right there next to me.  I feel I can talk more openly and honestly there.  I also just feel it's a sign of respect to visit people at their grave.  But I didn't go.  Christmas leave is always so busy.  We were running from here to there and back again.  But I should have made time.  And I feel so guilty and like a bad friend for not visiting him.  I'm so sorry, Andy.

Today I laid in bed thinking about Andy and all our fun times during high school.  But I suddenly realized, I can't hear his voice anymore.  It brought me to tears.  So much time has passed that I cannot recall his voice.  I can't call his cell phone and hear a voicemail.  Back then, we didn't have digital cameras and smart phones we carried around all the time with video capabilities.  I have no way of replaying his voice.  And this saddens more than I can express.  Because his laughter was one of the most contagious laughs you've ever heard.  You couldn't help but smile when he laughed.  And his voice always sounded so excited.  He could be telling you the most boring story but he had a way of making it exciting just by his voice.  So full of life and happiness.  That's just Andy...in all things.  But that voice is gone.  I can't recall it.  I tried.  I laid there and tried so hard.  But I failed.

His face is also fading from my memory.  I can no longer close my eyes and envision him.  I picture his dark hair and a smile, but the details, they're missing.  It's a blurred image.  It literally pains me.  When I try to picture Andy, all that comes to mind is his picture in our yearbook.  A still, non-moving, school photo.  I can't picture a true, detailed and clear, moving, life-like Andy.  No matter how hard I will my brain to remember his smile and his face, it just comes up with that one still detailed image or a blurred more animated image.
I don't even have my own photos to look through.  When Andy died, we all collected our photos to create giant poster boards full of photos of him to be displayed at this visitation and funeral.  Back then, as I mentioned, we didn't have digital cameras.  Those were my only copies.  I gave away my only memories of Andy.  I didn't even think to scan them or make copies.  I knew Andy's family would want them.  And they deserved them.  I wish I had made copies but I am not mad I gave them up.  Andy has an absolutely amazing family and they deserved every single photo of him.  I know if I were a mother or sister, I would want any and all photos as well.
I just wish I had a photo that I could frame for my house and others to keep in a small album.  Or something of his to be displayed and stand as a reminder of such an amazing man.  But he was a guy.  It's not like girlfriends who share things and give gifts to one another.  If any of my girlfriends passed away, I'd have many things to remember them by.  But it's not the same with a guy friend.
I used to have a penny from him.  After his death, his amazing mother gave all of us juniors at St. Pius this poem about pennies from heaven.  In all of my moving during college, to back home, to Maryland, to Florida, I've somehow misplaced not just my poem, but also my penny.  I wish I could find it but basically, the poem says that when you're feeling down, your angel tosses a penny down from Heaven to cheer you up or let you know they miss you.  One day I found a penny, and it sounds crazy, but I just knew it was from Andy.  I carried that penny with me everyday for a year.  Then I kept it in my jewelry box.  And then suddenly, it was missing.  I was devastated.  Because I realized, I lost the only physical thing I had "from" Andy.

And now I've lost my memory of his voice and face.  It's just so hard.  I keep wishing I had a framed photo to talk to (crazy as that sounds) or a penny to hold as I talked to him.  Andy, if you're reading this, I'd really appreciate you sending me another penny ;)

Although this all saddens me, I need to focus on the positives.  That's exactly what Andy always did and what he'd want me to do right now.  So here it is:
I'm happy that I was able to know Andy.  To call him a friend.  I feel very blessed for that.  Even though it was only for two and a half years (my high school was so small, you quickly grew close to people).  While short, they were powerful.  He touched and changed me more than I could accurately describe.  I'm happy to have seen the man he was and the way he  made everyone feel they were his best friend.  I'm happy that I was able to grieve his death while also taking his amazing life and trying to model mine after it....as I think was God's plan.
I'm happy that while I've forgotten his voice and face, I have not forgotten all the memories and times we had together.  All the "Good Morning High-Fives", the parties, the sporting events, the cheering me on during soccer, the before and after school gatherings in the parking lot around his beloved Jeep.  I have not forgotten a detail about the amazing man of God he was.  The amazing friend, student, brother, son, athlete, and teammate he was.  Those are the type of memories that never vanish.  Because someone like Andy doesn't just touch your heart, they leave a lasting impression.
Thank you, Andy, for the impression upon my heart and my life.  Thank you for watching over me the past eleven years.  Thank you for listening to me and helping me through 2006.  You are always, always in my heart and on my mind.  I love and miss you, Andy.


If you like to read more about Andy, please visit his Memorial Grant page {HERE}.
I had never actually sat down to read this site until just now.  I realize that the Mission on the page is almost exactly what I've written here in this post.  And in previous posts.  Whomever wrote that Mission page for his website was thinking identically to me...about leading a life as he did...about imprinting on our hearts.  Absolutely crazy to write this blog post, then to go and read it there.  Just proof that he truly was an amazing man!

Yadi's Paw Injury

This past Friday, Yadi's first ever snow experience did not end very well.  (BUT prior to injuring her foot, and even a little afterwards, she had an absolute BLAST in the snow!  I mean, look at this!

That evening, around 8pm, there was a good 3ish inches on the ground.  That was going to be all we got so it would have to do.  Luckily it was enough to get a good first snow experience.
We let the girls run all over my parents front yard playing.  At one point, Yadi was running and we heard a giant yelp from her.  She sat down, only for one second, licked her paw, then got up and continued to run around and play.  Therefore we thought nothing of it.

Fifteen to thirty minutes later, we decided to bring all the dogs inside (my sister's two dogs were out there too).  When we brought Yadi inside, we noticed there was blood allllll over the rug she was standing on.  [We now realize she caught her foot on a metal stake (much like that for tents) that holds down those giant inflatable Christmas blow up lawn things.  We probably shouldn't have been letting them run around the front yard with all the decorations, but it was dark outside and the only place there was sufficient light to watch them.]

Nick then picked Yadi up and took her to the bathtub so we wouldn't ruin my parents carpet and so we could clean her off a little.

Once in the bathtub, we washed the blood away as best we could to get a look at her left hind paw.  There was a GIANT gash in it.  It was about an inch and a half long and about an inch deep, right in between the webbing of her toes.  Because the wound opened up really wide, and wasn't a simple little cut, we knew it wouldn't heal on its own, especially on the bottom/between her toes of her paw.  There'd be no way for us to keep it clean.  We decided she'd need to go to the emergency vet and have them either bandage it or stitch it, whichever they felt necessary.
{Sorry for the gruesome pictures.  I find this stuff interesting.  But if you have a weak stomach, you might want to skip past these 4 photos and down to the next text.}

We cleared off the table, laid a tarp down, put Yadi on her side, and bandaged it up (please take note of Nick's superb bandage job.  Good thing I'm the one going into nursing.  And Lord help our children if something happens to them and I'm not home.) Granted, it didn't need to be perfect.  Just good enough that we could get her in the car without her bleeding all over.  Thank goodness we have a well-behaved dog because she just laid there on the table, not moving or flinching at all...not even when we were inspecting her incision.

What a stellar job 

Off to the emergency vet we went,  driving 40 mph hour down the highway since it was snowing and freezing rain out!  (Awesome timing Yadi!)
(Nick asked Kyle (my "brother-in-law") to come along in case we needed some help since I can calm her but she can be pretty heavy).
[Side Note:  When we walked in and told the tech Yadi's name she said "We get a Yadi about once a week."  Yeah, that's right!  Cardinal Nation baby!  Whereas back home in Florida, no one would ever makes the connection of Yadi with the Cardinals.  Most people just think it's some weird German name.  ...because apparently since she's a Weimaraner, we need to give her a German name???]

While waiting in the room, Yadi didn't seem bothered at all by her foot.  We walked in and she immediately hopped up on the bench and sat down (which is weird she does this because she's not typically allowed on furniture!)

 She was walking on it just fine, even though it was continuing to bleed, almost bleeding through our gauze.  It was hard to get her to sit or lay down in the room because she apparently felt no pain and was curious with all the smells.  The only way we were really able to get her to lay down was if I sat down on the ground with her  (for those that don't know, she's beyond obsessed with me...as in never more than a few feet away from me at all times.)

We left the house in such a hurry we didn't even think to grab her harness or leash (because we carried her out of the house and into the vet since it was snowing and sooo wet!

The vet came in and we put Yadi on the table to let her take a look.  Once again, Yadi laid there completely still and calm while the vet cut off her bandage, opened up her wound and took a look.

She said that it was pretty nice gash and it would most definitely require stitching.  But she did say Yadi was pretty lucky because she only cut through skin and superficial tissue, just barely missing major veins and tendons.  She then wrapped it back up, giving her Cardinal red ;)

She then informed us they were very busy and it might take 3-4 hours before she'd be ready to go home.  She said we could wait or if we wanted, we could come back in the morning and they wouldn't charge us a hospital stay.  The hospital is just 20 minutes from our house so we decided to go home and just have them call us in a few hours when she was ready to be picked up.

The vet also printed out an estimate, low and high.  If Yadi could remain calm with just a slight sedative  then it would be on the cheaper end (around $400) but if she fought and flinched a lot, they would need to completely knock her out running the bill around $600.  We were hoping and praying Yadi would be as calm as she was with us there but we weren't holding our breath since she FREAKS out when we aren't around.

The vet left to get some paperwork ready for us to sign and Yadi was back to walking around and not resting.  The vet didn't wrap her paw well and Yadi managed to get it off.  And in Yadi-fashion, she was wanting to eat it...and then being sad we wouldn't let her.

She refused to "drop it" so Nick had to do it for her lol

"My mean parents won't let me eat my bandage so I'm just going to stare at it and pout and look pathetic"

So we left and I felt so awful.  She was very hesitant to walk in the back with them.  We knew she was in good care, but I still felt awful leaving her.
Around midnight, they called saying she was finished and we could come get her.  AND they didn't need to knock her out!  WOOHOO!!!!  She's a boss and laid there perfectly still as they stitched her up.

When we arrived, in true Yadi fashion, she was in the back whining.  We paid (grand total of $428!) and they brought her out to us.  Poor girl had a cone on and was sooooo out of it.  She was disoriented and stumbling all over.  She heard us but couldn't "find" us even though we were right there in front of her.  It was so sad to see.

I climbed in the back seat and Nick carried her out and sat her next to me.  The poor thing was passed out before we even left the parking lot.
When we got home, Nick carried her inside, and Vino was TERRIFIED of her.  She had NO idea what the cone was and she was barking like crazy with all of her hackles raised.  And Yadi was so out of it, she just confused by the dogs in her face and Vino's barking.  Vino then followed us into the bedroom and was so unsure of her sister.  We took the cone off and Vino then inspected her sister's bandaged foot.  Yadi just slept and I went to bed with her.

Yadi was sent home with a pain medication to take every 12 hours for a week and antibiotics to take every 12 hours for 2 weeks.  They told us she needs to limit her activity for 14 days.  Um....have you met Yadi?  First of all, she doesn't really feel pain in her foot so she's not going to sit still.  Secondly, she can't be calm for one hour unless it's the middle of the night and she's sleeping.  This was going to be a HUGE task for us.
Her bandage needs to stay on for at least 48 hours and then it can come off.  Both the bandage and her foot need to stay clean and dry so when we take her outside, she needs a bag or cling-wrap over her paw.  She must always go outside on a leash so she doesn't run.  In about 14 days she needs to get her stitches removed.

The next day was awful.  She would NOT sit down.  She kept chasing the other dogs,  jumping on and off the couch and beds.  It's as if she had no feeling and didn't realize she had a hurt paw.  She just refused to sit or lay down.  The next two days consisted of nothing but us yelling "Yadi!  Down!"  Or "Yadi!  Sit!  Stay!"  I'm sure my family was highly annoyed with those phrases.

Pouting because we keep making her lay down.  Of course all the other dogs (Vino to the left and Zoey to the right) seem to love napping and relaxing...not Yadi!

Thankfully, Yadi didn't bother her bandage too much.  If we told her to leave it, she would.  Unfortunately for us, we paid for a cone of shame that does no good.  Her hind legs are so long and she's so flexible that she can easily few on her bandage with the cone on.

By the third day, we were desperate for a solution. We called the vet and they said we could drug her (not their words) with Bendryl to get her to calm down.  They recommended three 25mg pills.  Yeah, that did NOTHING.  Since technically they can have 1mg per pound, we gave her four 25mg pills (she's almost 95 pounds) and that seemed to work.  For an hour or two.  But I guess it's better than nothing.
Her bandage came off but it didn't look very healed to us so we wanted to keep it bandaged.  Especially because she was still being so rough on it.  (Can't blame her with 4 other dogs in the house plus lots of people coming and going).  We also noticed her outside toenail was rubbing against her stitches so we kept it wrapped.  We decided to do this until we got back to Florida, where hopefully, she'd be a little more calm with less people and dogs around.

Thankfully this was true.  But on Wednesday night, for the first time she seemed very bothered by her foot.  She wouldn't leave it alone, was limping, and was very, very antsy.  We decided to unwrap it, take a look at it for any infection, add some more ointment on it, and then rewrap it.  I know it's probably itching because it's healing, but we still wanted to take a look at it.  It appeared okay to us, but then again, we aren't vets or vet techs.  My main concern is the area on her pads.  It looks much different and not very closed.

We knew she probably needed air getting to the wound but we couldn't trust her overnight.  While we were looking at it and rebandaging it, for the first time, she was fighting us.  She was whining soooooo badly and kept trying to lick her paw.  We decided to wrap it overnight when we can't keep an eye on her (again, the cone does no good) and then unwrap it the next day and let air get to it while we could watch her.  Thankfully after rewrapping it and adding some triple antibiotic ointment, she seemed to get some relief and went to sleep for the night.

The next morning, I called the vet.  We just wanted to make sure it was healing well and it was safe to leave unwrapped.  So off to the vet we went.  Sadly, Yadi is now scared at the vet.  The moment the door opened and a tech came in, Yadi hid behind me =(

LOL Yadi peeking out behind me at the vet tech.  What a character.

The vet then came in and said it looked great.  She said the pad won't look good because of the type of tissue it is and it will always have a crack there now.  Oh well, that's her jacked up leg anyway (from her crate escapade back in her early puppy days in Annapolis.)  She said we could leave it unwrapped if we wanted and it was up to us but that air would be good.  So we decided to do just that.  It's been very difficult though because she wants to lick it sooo badly.  BUT the vet did say that it's healed enough that if Yadi were to get her stitches out, it wouldn't be a huge deal and we wouldn't need to bring her in unless it looked infected or tore up.  So that was good to hear.

We checked out (no charge! Thank you Wellness Plan) and are set to come back on the 12th to get her stitches removed (and they don't charge a thing for that so another "free" visit!!!)

So now we're home and she's been acting fine.   She doesn't seem bothered at all by her wound and doesn't mind at all if we mess with it...just watches it lol

The first two hours home without the bandage, she was constantly going at her wound but after that, she's been good.  We did pick up some GNC Relax tablets that the vet (and a few other doggie owners) have recommended.  I tried them today and it's hard to tell if they're working.  She is still normal Yadi but hasn't been crazy today.  She still walks around, plays with her toys, but she doesn't seem as Go!Go!Go!  She hasn't tried wrestling with Vino and seems a lot more mellow.  But it didn't drug her into sleepiness which is good!  (I feel badly doing that.)  She could just be having a lazy day, or the pills really did "relax" her.  So if anyone has a dog that needs calming, you can try THESE.  They're recommended for dogs with anxiety in crates, during travel, storms, etc.  We found them at PetSmart in the aisle with all the GNC supplements and vitamins.  They were $8.99 with our Pet Perks card so not badly priced at all.  There is also a Nutri-Vet brand of relaxing tablets and chews, but our vet recommended the GNC ones over those we that's why we bought them.  We gave her 4 tablets and they last all day!

So there you have it!  Yadi's full story.  Never a dull moment with this dog!  But she's healing well and we've found a way to calm her (hopefully), without drugging her so we're happy.  I just can't wait until those stitches are out and she can run and play in her yard with her sister.  Poor Vino doesn't understand.  She's always running up to Yadi, attacking her, or taunting her, and she doesn't understand why Yadi doesn't come after her like she normally does =(  Poor girls.
(It will also be nice to just open my door and let them out as opposed to bagging her foot, putting her harness and leash on, and walking her around.  I know, we're lazy and spoiled with a fenced yard.)