NYE and The Not-So-Serious New Years Resolutions

Yesterday, I was a little serious on the blog.  Nothing too scary, but it's out of ordinary for me to be serious for too long.  If you know me well, you know I'm rarely serious.  So to make up for that post, I've created a post to lighten the mood.  I've created a list of my not so serious new years resolutions.  I'm really hoping to accomplish these by the close of 2014.  Who's with me!?

And as a super quick recap, my NYE consisted of Vizsla puppy snuggles, wine, friends, and Cards Against Humanity.  Nick couldn't drink (he was on-call for duty) and no one popped any champagne so we kind of had our own little NYE champagne toast the next morning.  And then made mimosas.  In which we each consumed about 5 mimosas.  Happy New Year!

 And Nick loved his glittery headband so much, that he kept it on for about 3 hours while playing video games!

Anyway, on to the list

Convince scientists that teleportation needs to be figured out asap.  And not the current teleportation where they only move a few molecules a tiny amount of space.  And where it kills them and replicates them.  I want my entire body, without my cells being killed and replicated, to be relocated in an instant to somewhere else, such in my loved ones living rooms.  Or a winery in Napa.

Perfect the Mary Poppins snap.  You know, *snap* "The job's a game!"  Just snap my fingers and have things magically happen before my eyes.  *Snap* dinner begins making itself.  *Snap* My hair is brow-dried, flat ironed and makeup is on and perfect.  *Snap*  Laundry is folded, hung, and put away.  *Snap*  Dishes are done, dried, and put away.  *Snap*...okay, you get the point.  I covet her snapping magic so badly.  I seriously think about this at least once a day.  The lady is a friggin genius!

Find a money tree.  I think this one is pretty self-explanatory.

Create more hours in a day, but still keeping the workday hours the same.  I want to only increase the number of sleeping hours and at-home hours.  I work such long days five days a week and it'd be nice to actually have time to do something other than sleep, shower, eat (maybe), and work out.

Own a wine cellar.  That suppliers donate wine to.  Unless of course I find a money tree, then I can stock my wine cellar without donations.  And drink it by the bottle.

Learn to read my dogs' minds.  (Just theirs, not anyone else's.  It could be a dangerous power.)  I can only imagine the crap Vino thinks, mainly in response to the stupid shit her sister does.  And Yadi is already so vocal, sassy, and downright crazy so Lord only knows what that beast is thinking.

Learn how to control the climate.  I'm over this cold shit.  I know, it could be worse.  I could be "home" where it's below zero.  Regardless, it's still cold as balls here (windchill in the 20's).  The perk of me having to live so far from my family is the Florida warmth.  Umm....yeah, I'd like that warmth back.  Asap.  Not to mention, if I could control the climate, I could whip up a nice little rain storm for naptime.  (Wait...naptime?  What is a nap?  I don't think I've had an opportunity to take a nap in ages!)  And almost as importantly as the warmth, I could create thunderstorms.  I'm talking a REAL midwest thunderstorm.  I so badly miss them.  The insane lightning, the booming thunder, the whipping winds.  I always thought Florida would get crazy storms but nope.  I've yet to experience a storm here in Florida in the past two and a half years that's even one quarter as severe as a storm back home.  (Don't worry, I'd keep the damage away.  Just the lightning and thunder.  No tornados destroying homes and lives).

I could seriously go on and on with this list.  But I won't.
I guess I should have called this the "fat chance resolutions" since they're pretty much damn near impossible.  One can dream right?  What are your fat chance resolutions for 2014?  Anyone want to go in on one of these with me?