If you know me, then you know I have great pride for my Alma mater, Mizzou. I miss my college days; they were some of the best of my life. I miss the traditions, the campus, the football games, the activities, the rec center, the town itself. I miss it all. It saddens me that I don't get to go back and visit often. I'm envious of my family and friends that can travel there whenever they want because it's only 2 hours from home.
I was going to say I secretly hope Jaxon chooses to go to Mizzou, but that's not really a secret. I'm already advocating for it in so many ways.
One of those ways is through Mizzou football. I absolutely love college football season!! Tailgating and going to the games were some of my favorite times while living in Columbia. Sadly, I don't get to go to many games since we live in Florida. I went to one game last year when they crushed the Gators in Gainesville, but that means I won't get to see them play again until 2016 season. Thankfully we live in SEC country and I'm able to watch most of the games.
People are always telling me how much Jaxon looks like Nick. I'm not too sure he got much from me, but one thing is certain....his love of Mizzou football!!
I am a part of the Mizzou Alumni Association and thankfully, we have a Northeast Florida Chapter. Every Saturday we gather together to watch the games out at a restaurant so of course, we bring Jaxon along. Have to teach him young!
During the first Mizzou game of the season, Jaxon had a blast! He was perfect the entire game, not crying once! Even when everyone screamed M-I-Z!! Z-O-U!! He looked a little concerned, but didn't cry. During the game, he sat on Nick's lap and watched the game. I mean, does it get any cuter than this?!
Daddy and son watching football. Jaxon loved it. He was fixated on the tv up there pretty much the entire time he was awake.
This past weekend, the game didn't start until 7:30pm and that's typically Jaxon's bedtime, not to mention he is coming down with a bad cough, so we stayed home. I set him down on the couch to go do something quickly and when I came back, he was into the game. I could not break his concentration on it for anything.
Makes this mama so proud!!! We continued to cuddle and watch our Tigers for a bit.
After a while, I went to put him down. He just wasn't having bedtime and wouldn't stop crying. I brought him back to the living room and he was perfectly content to sit with his daddy and watch the game for a little bit longer before finally going to bed.
I know Nick wants him to go to the United States Naval Academy as he did, but I think Jaxon is a lil Tiger in the making!! Watch out Mizzou, Jaxon is heading your way in 18 years!
After a couple of weeks without my better half, our family is whole again!!!
Nicholas was away on training for a while, and to be quite honest, it was rough. This was our first separation with a child, but certainly not our last. In fact, over the next 16-19 months, it will be happening more frequently. I'm happy to have one separation under my belt, and happy that this first one wasn't a few months long. Taking care of a baby with no family around to help is difficult. Sure, I have friends but those without kids are working full time and unavailable to help and those with kids, well it seems they all have a toddler AND a baby around Jaxon's age (somehow everyone I worked with and everyone in Nick's squadron all had a baby within 2 months of each other) so it's a little difficult to find help.
But we survived! I'd even say we thrived because Jaxon hit some milestones while Nick was gone (which is unfortunate but the truth is, Nick is probably going to miss a good majority of Jax's major milestones and firsts). Despite his teething, four month sleep regression, fussiness from vaccines, complete change in routine, refusal to take more than 20 minute naps, and a growth spurt, we survived. *I* survived. I was able to suppress my anxiety and frustration to put a smile on my face and be the best mama I could. And I think I did a great job! I will admit I was beyond nervous and anxious for this separation, knowing help would be limited, if not nonexistent, but I did much better (mentally and emotionally) that I thought I would. Which is good, because it's given me the confidence I'll need for these next separations.
But enough of that, let's get to the good stuff!!!! Nick is home!!!! Nick flew down to training on a C-130 but for his return, he got to fly the helo back. I was pretty excited because this meant that Jaxon and I could go to base and watch him fly in.
We met a friend and her son on base, checked in at the squadron, and were taken to the hangar to await our husbands' return. Once we saw them in the distance, we put our ear plugs in and watched them come in.
Nick is the helicopter on the left, closest to the camera.
Then they taxied over, shut down, and walked across the flight line to us.
Then we received a giant, smelly, sweaty hug!!! And life was good!!
This was such an amazing experience. I've seen Nick flying over our house a few times, but I've never witnessed him land the helicopter. He truly loves what he does and I am thankful I got to see him in action, especially while welcoming him home after a couple weeks apart. In the grand scheme of things, our separation wasn't long at all, but any time spent apart, especially with a baby, is not easy. We were happy to come home and resume life as a family.
Yesterday I posted that one year ago, we found out I was pregnant. I just can't believe how quickly time has gone by. The memories of my pregnancy always bring a smile to my face. One of my favorite memories and a story I love sharing, because I love anything TMI, is how I knew I was pregnant. Which is because NICK knew I was pregnant before I did. If you missed that story, you can check it out HERE.
Thankfully he wasn't so weird as to fish my pee out of the toilet and find out for me. He wanted a baby pretty badly, but not that badly that he'd attempt something like that.
I find myself reminiscing a lot. I go back through old blog posts, like the two I've linked above about telling Nick I was pregnant and how he (kind of) knew before me. I find myself spending far too much time going through photos of my pregnancy and especially of Jaxon's short four months. And cry. He's grown so much and it breaks my heart how quickly time passes by. I need it to slow down. I hate that as I get older, time seems to pass much more quickly. Why is that? Who has a theory on that? And how can I get it to stop?
I make sure to savor every moment. I snuggle Jaxon during his naps half the time. He won't always be this small. He won't always want mama cuddles. Sure, my house could stand to be a little cleaner, but I am not willing to trade snuggles with my sweet baby boy for dusted shelves. Chores can wait. I'm thoroughly enjoying being a mom, depsite how trying it can be. I love being home with Jaxon and cherishing every moment I have with him. Which is why you're seeing less blog posts from me. I'm not quitting, but I'm also not putting this blog before my family. I encourage everyone to spend more time with loved ones. These moments are fleeting. Cherish them.
One year ago, after years of praying cancer did not take my fertility as was a risk of my treatments, I found out I was going to be a mother. It was a role I strongly desired before I could even truly understand it. I was only three and a half weeks pregnant. Although I wanted to scream from the rooftops that we were pregnant, I knew all too well that I needed to wait; I needed to make sure this little baby was healthy. I knew that conceiving might not happen, but if it did, there was still the risk of the eggs being too damaged from cancer treatments to be carried for long. So we waited.
My life revolved around waiting. "Hurry up and wait". It's the military's motto. But this was one of the hardest waitings I've had to do. I just wanted to share our news with loved ones and ask them to pray that this little baby stay strong and healthy.
Obviously Nick's and my prayers were enough because we now have our precious four month old son.
Just five days new!!
Jaxon, you are nothing I expected, yet everything I dreamed. You have given me a happiness that I could have never imagined, and at the same time, fears I wish I never had to consider; how desperately I wish the world were a better place for you to grow up in. I promise to strive to guide you and help you grow into the type of man your daddy is; one that makes this sometimes all too evil world a better place. While I promise to always be there for you, I won't be too close because you need to make your own mistakes and experience hurt; it will teach you lessons I can't and help you grow into a stronger, more well-rounded man. Unfortunately, growth requires pain. So take risks and explore the world around you. While you're exploring, I'll always be close enough to help you, but far enough away to let you fly. I won't always have a cure, but I do promise to listen without judgement, give advice when you ask for it, make you laugh when you need a smile, and give you 'tough love' when you need it. Most importantly, I promise to love you unconditionally and give you the best life possible.
One and a half weeks new
Motherhood isn't easy. Some days are more challenging than others, and I shed my fair share of tears of frustration and exhaustion. Baby boy, I hope that you're able to see through these moments, and know that you are fiercely loved. You've changed me in so many ways, and everyday you make me strive to be a better person. Each day, I think of you when I make any decision. I want my life to be a positive example for you now while also making you proud of me in the future.
Two weeks new
One year ago today, I learned I was a mom and my love for you began. Nothing can prepare you for the love of your child, and I'm amazed with each passing day as my heart some how grows to hold more love than the previous day. Jaxon Thomas, You are the best thing I've ever done and not a day goes by that I don't thank God for blessing your daddy and I with you.
Height & Weight: 13 pounds and 12 ounces and 25 inches :)
Routine: If you remember last month, I tossed all the books aside and decided to let Jaxon lead. We've been a much happier duo :) He's still too young to really have a schedule and our routine is usually nap when he gets sleepy, nurse when he wakes up, play until he gets sleepy. Sometimes he nurses before his naps and sometimes he doesn't. Just depends on how hungry the little milk monster is.
Sleeping: The past month was great with sleep until this past week when we were approaching the 4 month mark. We've definitely hit the 4 month sleep regression, which I somehow forgot existed. Until this point, he was sleeping for 6-7 hour stretches at night. It was great! He'd sleep off and on until somewhere between 11-12am, nurse and then go back to sleep until anywhere between 6am-8am, nurse, and go back down for another 2 hours now. Now? He's waking every 1-2 hours. It's killing me! Thankfully he just wakes to nurse and then goes back to sleep relatively quickly. (He might not even need to nurse but it calms him and gets him (us) to sleep faster so I'm all for it.) His naps range anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour, but never more than hour. I would say 90% of the time he puts himself to sleep. I notice his tired cues, put him in his zippy, lay him down, he talks to himself for about 10 minutes, maybe fusses for 5 minutes (fusses, not cries), and then he's out! We are officially out of the swaddle and are in a Zipadee-Zip. It works so well for him. He's now sleeping on his side and I'm worried soon he'll roll onto his belly. The Zippy provides some restraint so it still mimics the womb and makes him feel secure. It also helps to control the startle reflex so he doesn't wake from that. But his arms and legs are free enough that he can use them to roll himself. Not to mention, he looks too adorable in it!
Diet/Eating: He is still 100% breastfed :)
Health: At the doctor this week, I voiced some concerns and she confirmed what I had been wondering for a while and that is that he has acid reflux. I thought he might have some food allergies because he seems to get tummy aches easily, more so in the evening. I know milk and eggs are common allergies so I cut those out and it still happened. She said it's hard to tell in babies, but after asking a few more questions, she thinks the stomach discomfort might be from acid reflux. We got some meds and after a few short weeks, we should start to see some improvement in his spitting up and discomfort. Other than that, his doctor said he looks perfect!!! Makes this mama happy!!!
Movement: Wiggle.Worm. This kid is always moving. Flailing about! He's always kicking his legs, flailing his arms, swatting at toys, etc. This kid looooooves to move! I am in for a world of trouble once he's mobile.
He's not rolling just yet. A few days ago he did roll from his back to belly but I think it was a fluke. He does roll on his sides a lot, and he scoots himself all over the place. When we lay him down at night, by the time he wakes up, he's done a complete 180 and is laying the opposite direction.
Mood: We've reached a turning point I think. Not that he was a "bad" baby before, but I feel like his fussy times are very infrequent now. He's always smiling and talking to himself. He loves to smile when he sees us and it's my absolute favorite thing ever.
Sizes: He is out of all 0-3 month clothes (minus Puma brand, he's still in 0-3 in that) and now in 3 month or 3-6 month clothing. Most 3-6 month clothes are really big on him, but it's better than clothes cutting into his armpits and junk. I had to retire so many of his adorable sleepers and it makes me so sad because sleepers are my favorite attire for babies. Shorts are a different story. His waist is too big for newborn; they squeeze him too much. But all of his 0-3 shorts (I'm talking the cute plaid or "nice" shorts, not cotton casual shorts) are huge on him! They are loose in the waist and come down almost to his ankles! Thus why my child is always pantless.
Likes: Human interaction. He just likes for you to pay attention to him and talk to him. Making silly faces and silly noises is sure to get a huge smile from him. He has the BEST reactions.
Still loving to hold his fists up in the air.
He also is learning to make sounds when I move my fingers on his mouth and he loves it!
He loves tv. I'm sure it's just the movement and colors and flashes but regardless, he's fixated on it when it's on. He loves to watch the Cardinals games with us :) He still loves to sit up so we got him this Sit Me Up Chair and he loves it!
He loves his OBall because it's easy to grab and bring to his mouth. It's the one toy he can easily grab. He's still loving being outside. I cannot wait for it to cool off a little bit so that walks are more bearable for him. Poor guy gets so hot strapped into that car seat!
Dislikes: Tummy time. Kid hates it. One minute max and he's crying. Anything spicy. Sad for mama :(
Milestones: We got some real laughs, but he doesn't do them often. He has the widest grin that should come with a audible laugh, but he only laughs occasionally. He rolled from back to belly, but again, he only did it once. He still doesn't grasp too many things yet. He swats at them and attempts it. He's slowly learning to open his fist to grab things but the only thing he's able to grab is this ball. We actually picked it up at the store and I didn't think he'd grab it (since he hadn't yet...that's a skill that comes in and is mastered around 5-6 months) but he grabbed it, brought it to his mouth, and started trying to chew it. (Which was kind of gross since we were still in the store and I hadn't cleaned it yet). The large holes make it really easy for him to grab.
Things That I Don't Want to Forget: Jaxon got to meet his family this month! We traveled home to Missouri and we had a big get together with my family and one with Nick's family (more on this in another post). It was so great to have my siblings finally meet him. They loved him and it just makes my heart so happy to look at these pictures of Jaxon with my family.
Mama Update: I'm doing much better. My health is still on the mend, but emotionally and mentally, I'm feeling better. Taking care of Jaxon is the most rewarding thing I've ever done, but also the most difficult. Some days are better than others. Some days I feel like I'm living Groundhog Day since Jaxon isn't able to do too much and it's too hot to really get out and about and do anything. But things are getting better as he's becoming a little more active :)
Daddy Update: Jaxon loves his daddy!!!! It's adorable to watch their bond growing stronger each day. It's going to be rough this next month with him gone a lot :( I know Nick is not looking forward to missing out on his life so much, but that's just the reality of our lifestyle. Thank goodness for technology. I can take and send him photos and vidoes and hopefully we can FaceTime while he's gone.
Doggie Update: Same as last month. Vino is still slowing warming up. However, she did lay by him in the hotel. She laid NEAR him and we forced her to lay down by him, BUT she stayed there and didn't mind it!! That's progress, folks!
Yadi still loves him and cleans him all the time.
What we did this month: Jaxon took his first roadtrip!!! We drove from Jacksonville, FL to St. Louis, Missouri and back. We split it into two days; traveled halfway, stopping in Chattanooga. All things considered, he did great!
Jaxon also had his first experience with a babysitter! A girl in Nick's squadron offered to babysit him while we went out on a date. She's been great with Jaxon every time we're at a squadron event so I had to issues with leaving him with her. It was so nice to get out and have our FIRST date since he arrived. It was long overdue and I'm hoping we can make it at least a monthly thing (when Nick's here). She said he was great, so let's hope that's true and she wasn't just being nice. As for me? I was nervous but not too nervous. But after those four hours, I was ready to get home and snuggle my baby.
Jaxon also had his first experiences on a slide, a baby swing, and a swing with his daddy.
He also got to take his first ride in the M3 (we put the top up before leaving) as I learned to drive Nick's car (it's a manual).
Jaxon also was able to experience his first of many trips to the hospital with me. I had my endoscopy and he came along. Having him made recovery (pictured below) much better. I was in pain but snuggling him afterwards helped a lot! It's been nice having Nick as my support and now I've added another one to my team of supporters.
Jaxon also got to experience his first at the Northeast Florida Mizzou Alumni Chapter's Watch Party. Everyone loved him and he loved it. He was even watching the game!! Mizzou Class of 2037 right there, folks!!!
