My 30th Birthday Vacation!!!

But wait!  Didn't you turn 30 in November?
Yes, yes I did.  But life was super busy and I slacked at blogging there towards the end of 2014 so I'm just now getting around to blogging about it.

On November 21st, I turned 30 years old.  Looking back, when I was much younger, I thought 30 was so old.  Thankfully, as I turned 30, I didn't feel old.  While I'm not happy that the years seem to go by much faster now, I don't want to be that person that dwells on how old they are.  Because really, 30 isn't that old.  I plan to live to at least 80, so technically, I haven't even made it halfway through life.

I also find it hard to be really upset for turning another year older after all I've been through.  There was a year of my life where I wondered if I'd see my next birthday.  Or how many more I would have.  Cancer does that to you, especially when doctors don't even think you'll beat it.  Cancer makes you appreciate every birthday you have.  You recognize that it's a privilege denied to many.  Throughout the past 9 years of my cancer journey, I've become friends (albeit mostly internet friends) with many cancer survivors.  Sadly, a few of those were not as fortunate as me and they're now celebrating their birthday each year in heaven.  It's hard to stomach, and sometimes I have survivor's guilt, but it helps me to be thankful for birthday.

Which is also why I feel birthdays are a big freaking deal!!!  They should be celebrated!!!!  I'm not saying they need to be some giant Pinterest worthy shindig.  It doesn't need to consist of a table full of gifts, grand gestures, or a room packed full of people.  But I do firmly believe something, big or small, should be done to make the birthday special; to set it apart from every other day of the year.

I will admit, as the days grew closer to my birthday, I was getting bummed out.  I had always pictured my 30th birthday to be a giant celebration.  And by giant, I mean a party surrounded by my large, loud, loving family and all my closest friends.  Nothing more than that.  Just sitting around, drinking some adult drinkies, playing some games, laughing and having a great time.  But I knew that wouldn't happen.  First of all, I wouldn't be anywhere near my family.  When I had this dream of a big 30 celebration, I didn't know my life would lead me to where it is.  I'm living in Florida with my family and best friends in St. Louis.  Second of all, I wouldn't be getting silly over wine because I'm with child (although not one bit sorry about it!)

There really wasn't any way for Nick to make my birthday wish come true, so he was already starting out at a disadvantage.  But leave it to Nick to think of the perfect birthday surprise.  A CRUISE!!!!!!!!!!!
We are heading to the Bahamas next week, folks!!!!!!!!  When he told me, I was ecstatic.  I've never been on a cruise but have always wanted to go.  Taking this trip is the absolute perfect 30th birthday experience.
Unfortunately, the cruise had to wait for a while.  It was a tease to know back in November that my birthday gift was a cruise, but to wait for it.  January was the only time that we were able to find a cruise that worked with both of our schedules.  We're lucky enough to live just 15 minutes from the Jax port so booking via the last minute cruise websites was simple.  It was a little more difficult to find a long weekend cruise that worked for both of us but we did it!  And I cannot wait!!!!  Take me away from this dreary, chilly weather!  Put me in a bikini (yes, I'm pregnant and will be wearing a bikini.  Bite me.)

I'm finalizing my paperwork with my doctor and cruise line.
I've already made my packing list.
I'm reading all about the cruise ship, the various restaurants, entertainment, and ports.
I've received (and exchanged and received again) all new swimming suits since none of my old ones cover even half my boobs anymore.

I.am.ready!!!!
Bring on 5 whole days without contact with the outside world!
Bring on 5 whole days of warmth and sunshine!
Bring on 5 whole days of quality time with my husband!
Bring on 5 whole days of amazing food, whenever I want!
BRING.IT.ON.

The next week of work is going to be difficult, but I've got a countdown and I'm ready to go!!!  Here's to hoping I can be productive until then!

Pregnancy Update: Week 20 - Halfway there!

How far along?  20 weeks

Baby size?  Banana; about 6.5 inches long and weighs about 10.2 ounces

Baby progress?  Baby Obie is now swallowing several ounces of amniotic fluid every day.  He has also  straightened out enough to measure from him head to toe instead of head to rump.  He's now working taste buds, as well as sprouting lips, eye lashes, eyebrows, and  teeth buds underneath his gums.

Weight gain?  A total of four pounds (I went to the doctor last week and they'd like me to gain 25-35 pounds during my pregnancy.  I was one pound over being considered underweight.  For underweight women, they want to gain 35 pounds'  For average women, around 25.  So my doctor said shoot between 25-35.  She said she would have liked to have a little more than 4 pounds increase by the halfway point, but there's no reason to worry.  Many women don't gain their weight until after the halfway point.  I can tell you it was weird to step on that scale and see the number I saw.  I've never weighed that much so it was a shock!  (not in a bad way).

Stretch marks?  No, which is good considering I'm still slacking.  I need to stop that and get back to slathering it on daily since I'm not growing and stretching much more rapidly.

Boobs?  They are officially a DD, which I didn't even know 32DD existed, but it does.  I went to try on my swimming suits for our vacation coming up and realized that my areola was showing in all of them.  Thank goodness Victoria's Secret was having their semi-annual sale because I ordered 5 new tops for under $100.  I ordered 32C and 32D in every top, not sure what size I'd need because in swimming suits, sometimes I run a size smaller at VS.  When they arrived, I was shocked to see that they 32Ds were too small.  I've since exchanged them for 32DD and am hoping those do the trick!  They should arrive this week!

Oh, my left boob is now significantly larger than my right, so that's cool (said no one ever).

Sleep?  Insomnia 4 nights a week.  I am not falling asleep until about 3:15am.  It's annoying but at least I'm not really tired throughout the day.  I definitely have more energy.  I'm just not really allowed to utilize it until I see the cardiologist and get some answers from him.  

Symptoms?

20 weeks strong with no nausea.  

Still peeing all the time.

My legs aren't really too itchy anymore.  

Still painful pooping but a girls gotta go. 

As I mentioned above, much more energy but can't do anything with it.  

Cravings?  Nothing in particular but still salty and savory over sweets.  I very rarely want sweets.  The closest I come is a bowl of Cap'N Crunch cereal (with Crunch Berries, duh!)

Movement?  Yep.  He moves a lot in the evenings.  I'm always grabbing Nick's hand to make him feel but he says he can't feel anything.  I find it crazy that it can't be felt from the outside yet because it feel so incredibly strong on my end!   

How are you feeling?  Amazing!  I am so incredibly thankful that my pregnancy has been easy thus far.  The lack of activity is still annoying but I feel like I can't really complain when everything else has been so great!

Best moment this week?  Truly having energy.  Even with my little sleep, I'm not tired and wanting a nap during the day.  It's made the work week much more bearable.  It feels great to feel almost normal again!!!

I also finally found some maternity jeans.  I can't wear the belly bands.  Tried two different brands and they just don't hold my pants up.  I haven't had any luck with maternity jeans because they all gave me extreme saggy crotch but I finally found some!  Jessica Simpson jeans.  I actually have a few of her non-maternity jeans and I love them (they're perfect for my tiny frame and long legs).  Her maternity jeans, while they don't come in long sizes, are perfect for my Converse, flip flops, and Sperry's so I'm content!  I'm really happy I found them and they were only around $50 so it wasn't too bad!

Getting the invite to my baby shower!!!  My sister is planning the shower with the help of my cousins (and aunts) but she enlisted the help of my artistic brother to design the invites and they are so perfect!!  I love them and can't wait to go home in February for my shower!

Worst moment this week?  My reflux.  I seriously didn't think my reflux could get worse than it was pre-pregnancy because it was pretty damn bad (due to cancer) but holy crap!  Some days I feel like I'm giving birth to a pair a fire breathing dragons!!!  It's AWFUL!!!!  This increased reflux makes me anxious about my endoscopy this late summer. My last one, I was the most irritated he had seen me, which increases the risks for Barrett's Syndrome and esophageal cancer, so I worry what this is doing to my already awful esophagus :(

What do you miss?  Being toned and fit.  Being active.  I feel like a blob :(

Things that suck?  Realizing you're going on vacation and not feeling attractive or confident in a swimming suit.  I know it's vain because I'm pregnant (and I'm pretty sure obviously pregnant in a swimming suit) but it's the truth.  

Things that don't suck?   Knowing I've made it halfway through my pregnancy (even though I didn't know the first 3.5 weeks, I've known the majority of this time) and that I've made it through with such ease.  

Chapped lips

Movement

Insomnia. Not sleeping unt 3-4am. Waking for work and not napping and still not sleeping that night. 

Things suck: his room not being empty so I can hang his cute clothes 

Giant Christmas 2015 Recap: A St Louis Visit

Yeah, yeah, I'm a little late on this post.  But better late than never, right?  And as I said many times before (broken record much?), this blog is more so for me than anyone else.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm an over-sharer by nature so I obviously blog for others AND myself.  But these recap posts?  I know 85% of my followers could give a rat's crap about them and click that "mark as read" button.  I do them for myself.  I love looking back and seeing how I spent each holiday.  And seeing as this was the last one as a family of four (yes, I consider the dogs a part of our family), I wanted to make sure I wrote a post about it.

So here we go!  Christmas 2014 Recap:

Like every Christmas, we had plans to head back to St. Louis and spend the holiday with our families.  Since we're overpackers, Nick and I don't bring our gifts to each other with us.  We normally open them upon our return to Florida.  This year, Nick and I decided to open gifts before we headed home.  Really, Nick decided this because he knew he was getting a new NorthFace fleece jacket and he wanted to take it with him.

So Friday when I got home from work, we had our own Very Merry Obie Christmas and opened our gifts.

I am not really a coffee drinker.  Don't get me wrong, I love coffee but I try not to consume too much caffeine and don't want to be addicted like I was in college.  But I'm told I will rely on coffee once this little boy makes his debut, so I decided I was going to hop on the Keurig bandwagon and asked for one.  (I didn't want the new 2.0.  Read up on it and decided I wanted this one).
And a ROOMBA!!!  Can I tell you how much I love this thing?  Our dogs don't really shed, but what little they do, it picks it right up.  My husband is a little excessive though and has the thing scheduled to run everyday.  I think it's a bit much so I need to read how to change the schedule to make 2 or 3 times a week.  But for all who asked to tell me how I like it:  LOVE it!!!  It picked up all the Christmas poop; you know, the glitter, garland shedding, tinsel, etc that falls off your decorations.  Every single bit of it.  It gets up all my hair from every area of the bathroom, picks up the dogs hair, crumbs in the kitchen, and your normal dirt.  It has zero issues going from our tile to our rugs and back onto the tile.  Best purchase every!  It's definitely going to make life as a mama with a newborn much easier!

Your eyes are not deceiving you.  Nick is holding a box of Converse shoes.  I am Converse obsessed (if the three new pairs didn't give it away) and I was soooo happy when Nick finally agreed to get a pair.  He's holding a black pair but he also got a navy blue pair.  And he looks so adorable in them :)  As for mine, love them.  Now, I'm only one the hunt for two more pairs and I'll be set (for a while).

This was my favorite gift I got Nick.  And it's probably the only gift that he had no idea he was getting.  He's so bad about guessing his gifts (or he picks them out when we're together)

It's a challenge coin holder, in the shape of MH-60 Seahawk, which is the helicopter he flies.  (What are challenge coins?  They're coins, usually about the size of an old school silver dollar, and have various things on them.  Nick has one for each command he's been at, each squadron, different ships, he's been given some by superiors, he has one for every rank he's held, etc.)  Nick has so many of them from enlistment, through the Academy and the various trainings he encountered there, plus all of the ones he's received since commissioning and being in the aviation community.  They're just tucked away in bags and boxes, hidden away.  I wanted a way for him to display them and when I saw this, I knew it was perfect!  And he loved it!


Then it was in the car and on our way to St. Louis.  The drive wasn't too bad.  We only stopped once for a two hour nap around midnight  (and a few more just for pee breaks and gas) and after almost 17 hours of driving, we arrived at my parents house at 9:30am. These pups were happy to get out of the car and run off some energy, that's for sure!!!

The majority of the trip was spent resting, per doctor's orders.  Which was nice because trips home are usually so stressful with running all over, trying to see everyone and fit everything in.  But this time, we didn't have much of that, aside from the holidays.  I was able to spend a lot of time with my family, in my jammies, with no bra.  It was glorious!  And my family was happy to see this ever growing bump :)

And lots of cuddling was had.  With humans and dogs.

Oh but what's a trip home without a trip to the vet?  Of course, it was the Weim.  But more on that later.  It was nothing major, so don't worry.  (Because I know you totally were).

(Can you tell how excited these two are to be at the vet???)

So what else happened while at home?

My sister bought her husband a 10 pound apple pie, the "Mile High Apple Pie" from the Blue Owl in Kimmswick, Missouri (it was featured on Oprah's Favorite Things).  He's an apple-loving guy so he definitely loved this!
This was also officially our cheapest trip home with gas being so cheap!!!  I was amazing!
And of course, we couldn't forget Jack in the Box.  It's one of our favorites and we don't have it in the south so we make sure to eat it a few times while we're home.  (We also had Imo's pizza a few times but I was too busy stuffing my face with that amazing pizza to take a picture of it.  #bloggerfail)

What else?

My brother had to sleep on the couch (With only two spare rooms, the one who stays the shortest gets the shaft, so that was my brother and his fiance Randy.)  Kyle and I decided to make Ben into a burrito so he'd be nice and warm while he slept on the couch.
I bought my first pair of maternity pants.  I was dreading having to buy them but you guys!  Maternity pants are the most comfortable things ever!!!!!!!!!!  Now if only I could find some maternity jeans to fit me because the belly band does NOT hold my pants up.
We went to a family friend holiday party and not only did I feel large, but I looked large.  Not just pregnant large but I looked like I put on weight all over, especially that face.  Barf!


Us humans weren't the only ones to have fun.  The pups love coming to their grandparents house because they're allowed on the furniture.  You've never seen Yadi so mellow as when she is allowed on the couch.  This dog just slept and relaxed the entire week (and if you know Yadi, you know that's rare).

Then it was time for all the Christmas festivities.  Christmas Eve was spent with Nick's family and it was so great to spend time with them, especially our little niece!  She's growing up so fast is the most adorable little girl!!!

Christmas Day was spent with my mother's side of the family at my Grandma's house.  As always, it was a great time because this family, boy are they loud and fun and loving!!!

Grandma's tree, complete with her village has so many memories.  I miss Grandpa's train, but I understand why Grandma doesn't get it out anymore.  Probably for the best.  I don't think I could handle it being under the tree.

Speaking of Grandpa, Grandma handed each of us grandkids a bag.  I pulled out this box and just lost it. Inside the box from "Grandpa Santa", we each received some of his old silver dollars.  I don't know what I'm going to do with them just yet, but I want to find a unique way to display them.  I definitely don't want them tucked away in a box in a closet somewhere.  

And as usual, Teeny and I did our "acrobatics".  And then more present opening, because duh, it's Christmas.

That's my entire family!  Our large, crazy bunch!!!

Baby Obie also had a great Christmas!!!  I picked up this outfit below for less than $10 and I truly hope he fits into it next Christmas season!  Or in the fall when we take our Christmas card photos!  

That adorable outfit was a gift from family.

And I found this Mizzou football, turned Truman!  Baby's first Truman the Tiger!!! I saw it for $25 at Rally House and passed it by.  Then I saw it at TJ Maxx for $7.99.  Definitely wasn't passing that deal by!!

My family also celebrated Christmas morning and as always, we all wore our Santa hats (below Mom had taken hers off already since I snapped this after the present opening)

My awesome husband got me these giant Mizzou tiger paw slippers and I looooove them!!!

And somewhere in the mess we had pups!

Christmas was great!  Not for the gifts, but for the love and laughs with my family.  Words cannot express how much I love them all.  Being so away from the sucks!

Sadly, it was time to make the drive back to Florida just a few days after Christmas.  Drives home suck.  Badly.  I absolutely hate leaving home and wish I could say we're moving back sometime soon.  But nope, not for a very long time :(  At least it makes me appreciate my family and my limited time with them every more!!!!!!!!  And now here's to starting the next countdown until I see them again!!!

Are any of you this behind on Christmas updates?
Do any of you travel long distances each Christmas to spend it with the holidays?
If you live far from "home", do you find trips home just as stressful as fun??

Pregnancy Update: Week 19

How far along?  19 weeks

Baby size?  Mango; about 6 inches long and weighs about 8.5 ounces.

Baby progress?  Baby Obie is now developing a waxy coating called the vernix caseosa, which moisturizes his skin, protects him from the amniotic fluid, and helps him move down the birth canal when he's ready.  (This is the greasy white stuff you see on babies when they're born.) He is also perfecting the area of the brain that controls senses and even sprouting hair on his head!!!  (I wonder if he'll be born with a head of hair?!).  

Weight gain?  None in the past week.  Which puts me at a total of 3 still.

Stretch marks?  No, thank goodness.  I had been slacking the last week on lathering on the oil so I was worried, but I've checked my boobs, belly, back, butt, and thighs and I see no signs of stretch marks.   

Sleep?  Insomnia attacks me half the week and the other half, I sleep just fine, other than waking to pee frequently.  

Symptoms?
Still no morning sickness.  19 weeks strong.
I'm peeing often but I'm used to it by now.
My legs still itch, but not too badly.
Constipation and painful pooping (hey, just keeping it real, yo)
I having a lot more round ligament pain, but it's not awful.  
I find myself rolling to get up more; I feel very pregnant even though I don't look it.  
I have more energy, but my heart still doesn't like activity.  But I'm not always tired, and if my heart didn't go crazy, I could easily do some yoga or light exercises.  

Cravings?  Pretty much just corn dogs right now.

Movement?  Yes!  I am now certain all those little feelings I was feeling were the baby.  Before, it was light.  Someone described it perfectly:  it feels like a bubble landing on your arm.  You know the very faint feeling when it lands and pops?  That is exactly what it's felt like for 2-3 weeks now.  But this week, it's stronger and I am certain it's him.  I usually only feel him at night, past 9pm.  I've got a little night owl on my hands.  (Just like his parents).

Workouts & Activity?  Nope, still another week until I see the cardiologist and then hopefully I can return to activity.   

How are you feeling?  Great!!!  I honestly don't have any complaints right now.  I know a lot of people complain about pregnancy, but I feel really great!  This pregnancy has been really easy for me. Sure, the heart thing has me frustrated, but things could be much worse! I'm actually really enjoying being pregnant, and I'm a little sad that next week is my halfway point!

Best moment this week?  There were two.  The first is the sweet gifts I got from friends out of nowhere.  One bought us a cute little picture to go in Baby Obie's nursery and it's perfect for his theme! Another friend sent us some of her sons' clothes that they didn't wear; and they have helicopters and other aviation themes on them!

Second was registering for Baby Obie.  It was overwhelming making the list, but with the guidance of many friends, we feel really great about our registry.  It was scary because babies need so much stuff, and I have no idea what I'm doing, but I was equally excited to know I'm soon going to have a little human in my arms that will use all of this stuff!  I wasn't sure how Nick would like registering, but he enjoyed it and he was too cute picking things out for him (especially toys).

Worst moment this week? Chapped lips.  Holy moly, they won't stop cracking and bleeding.  I have tried so many things. Lip scrubs, Vaseline, intense chapstick, Aquaphor, Burt's Bees, etc.  If you have a brand or idea that will really help me, PLEASE send it my way!

What do you miss?  Sandwiches.  Lunch meat sandwiches.  I love them.  Absolutely love them.  Give me all the turkey, ham, and salami!!!  But I don't want to risk Listeria.  I know, I know, the odds of getting it are so incredibly rare, but it's me we're talking about.  Remember that cancer that only 1% of people get?  Yeah, I got that.  So I'd rather not play a game of risk with deli meat.   Odds are not my forte.   I'll just sacrifice.  (I know I can heat it up and it's then safe, but I don't like hot meat (that's what she said) so it really wouldn't satisfy me.)

Things that suck?  Gaining weight in my already chubby face.  Nick says my face isn't fat, but I feel like when I look at some photos, I can tell my face has gained weight.  Which wouldn't be so bad if I didn't already have chubby cheeks that make me have a fuller face :/  I mean, I guess I should be thankful that my face is the only part of me gaining weight and growing (well, aside from the belly and boobs but that's normal).  

Things that don't suck?   "Communicating" with my boy.  At night, when he's kicking and punching, when he stops, I push on my belly and he kicks/punches back.  It's so cute and I'd be lying if I said sometimes it doesn't bring a tear to my eye.  I can't wait until they're stronger and Nick can begin to feel his son moving

New Year's Eve 2015

Happy 2015!!!!!  I hope you all had a wonderful New Year's Eve.  I know I sure did!

 I know, I know, you're dying to know what I did that made it so wonderful.  Luckily for you, this blog is my online journal so I'm going to tell you!  

Are you ready?  Are you really ready?  Because I'm not sure you're going to be able to handle my NYE plans.

We did jack shit!  (Where on earth did this phrase come from??).
Okay, so that's a lie.  We didn't do nothing but we stayed in.  My 21 year old self is hanging her head in disappointment.  And I don't even care.  In my early 20's, I wouldn't have dared stay in for NYE.  My friends and I were those people who would drop $60+ to get into a club and drink the night away to not even remember ringing in the new year.  (Don't judge me, only three drinks got me pretty drunk.  I was and always will be a light-weight).

But those days are far passed me.  We didn't stay in because we had nothing better to do.  That's what I wanted to do.  We didn't even ask any of our friends what their plans were.  I just wanted to sit at home in my jammies and ring in the new year with my (lame) non-alocholic beverage, my (sick) cute husband, my pups, and this little wiggly baby in my belly.
(Disclaimer: I don't want always want to stay in on NYE.  That's just what I preferred to do this year.)

We weren't completely lame though.  We did go out to dinner (the above pictures were taken just before going out), which was delicious, but I also forgot that my already smaller than average stomach (thanks cancer) is even smaller now (thanks baby), so I only ate about 1/5 of my meal :(  And then I had to sit there and watch Nick drink his delicious alcoholic beverage and eat his meal for the next 25 minutes.  Torture.

Then it was home to bum around.  As you can see below.

That picture above on the right?  Yep, total accident but it makes me giggle.  And makes me wish my cheeks weren't so freaking fat and my face was thinner (Have I mentioned that I think my already chubby face is getting more chubby with this pregnancy.  Barf!  And it's littered with acne.  Double barf!  Thank goodness for makeup!  The wives tale that girls steal your beauty?  Big fat bullshit!  I'm having a boy and he's definitely inflicted my body with the ugly.)

We got home, changed into our jammies (poor Nick was miserably sick), sat our butts on the couch, put Frozen in the Bluray (Nick has been wanting to watch that again for some reason), and played 'War'.  As in the card game.  Nick hadn't played in so long that he forgot how to play.  How you forget such a complex game like war (note the sarcasm) is beyond me.  But after an hour, we gave up.  It was never ending, he was getting frustrated and I was getting anxious.  So then we just watched the movie and awaited 11:30pm when we turned it off to watch the festivities in New York, which sucked by the way.  But I also think we were watching the crappiest of the televised live shows so that's our fault.

Then it was countdown time!!!  No better way than to start the year than kissing my sweet husband!
(I'm pretty sure this is the moment I got sick).

 Cheers!!!  I'm sorry, Sparkling Mango-Something is not as good as normal champagne.  But I'm not ballsy enough to risk the real stuff even though so many say one glass here and there is okay.

So here's to the new year!  We sat there talking a little bit about what this year has in store for us, which ultimately is going to revolve around preparing for our sweet baby boy's arrival and then attempting to be the best parents we can be and loving all over him!!!

And then we were in bed by 12:30am.  And it was perfect!
(and we slept until 10:30am the next day and it was even more perfect!)

So HAPPY NEW YEAR!!  (you know, 6 days late)

Oncology Visit + Emergency OB Visit

Every Christmas season, I'm due for my annual visit to see my oncologist.  Normally, they draw labs and do a chest x-ray to check for recurrence of the disease.  However, this visit, we had to forego the x-ray due to the pregnancy.  Honestly, I didn't even get labs done.  I had just had a full CBC (complete blood count) performed at my OB's office just three weeks ago.  I obtained a copy of those and brought them to my oncologist.  So really, the visit was more so just social, but I don't even care.  Bill me $40 for it because I enjoy seeing my doctor and his nurse, T.  She was the one who let me cry and cry on the phone to her when we first discovered my mass back in week 5 of my pregnancy; the one that told me that I could call her anytime I needed anything.  They were all so excited to see me.  And I them.
When T entered the room, I got a huge hug from her.  She could easily see my bump.  Then my oncologist's new nurse practitioner came in and she said, "This must be your first because you aren't showing at all!"  Ha!  If only she knew what I looked like beforehand.  Then my oncologist came in the room and he had the biggest smile on his face as he entered.  He told me congrats and then asked, "Can I get a profile view?" So I moved my scarf so he could see and he smiled even bigger.  He could clearly see my belly.  I'm sure to most, I don't look pregnant, but to anyone who knows me and how thin I was before, it's more than obvious!

The nurse practitioner then told me that my heart rate was 120 (it's normally between 60-65) and my blood pressure was 93/65, which is a lot lower than my normal 120/80.  I explained to her that lately I had been feeling extremely weak, fatigued, unable to hold my body up, and my heart racing, sometimes for no reason; that I felt like I did when I had tachycardia the first five years post-chemo.  She then responded, "Well that's because you're having tachycardia."  She advised me to go straight home and rest, no activity, no shopping, no walking around, for the next week until I returned to Florida and talked to my OB.
(Just after chemo, I was experiencing intense rapid heart rate, sometimes while at rest.  After many visits and tests, the cardiologist diagnosed me with tachycardia.  It wasn't surprising.  One of my chemo medications was in a class of drugs that can cause heart damage (or even heart failure).  Good news is that one can outgrow tachycardia and it was easily treated with a low dose beta blocker.  After five years, we weaned me off the medication to see how I reacted.  And nothing happened!  My tachycardia was gone and has been gone for a little over three years now).

They did a small physical exam and all looked great.  They told me that they wanted me to get a scan this summer, after I deliver and that actually works out.  I plan to come back to St. Louis in August or September because I'll be drastically needing my annual endoscopy and dilatation around that time so I'll just schedule my x-ray during that trip home as well.  So home I went, with orders to come back in the summer and orders to rest, rest, rest!

Of course I was frustrated.  I posted on social media about my appointment, along with what the doctor said about needing to rest and calling my OB due to my heart rate and blood pressure.  Almost everyone who commented said that it was perfectly normal.  I will admit, that I wasn't sure they were right.  How on earth could just sitting on the couch cause my heart to race and me out of breath?  How could a 15 foot walk to the bathroom have me feeling like I was close to passing out?  How could standing still for just 2 minutes have my unable to hold my body up and having to squat or sit down right where I was? (Of course they didn't have all the details of our symptoms). But everyone continued to tell me that the increased blood flow and well, simply growing a human can do that and it's normal.  It eased my mind.  Most of the people who offered advice did so out of genuine concern and support.  There were a few that sent me private messages asking for me details about what was going on and I explained.  They told me it was all normal and that I was simply over-reacting.  Honestly, they were condescending because I'm just a first time mama.  They advised me to just rest and drink lots of water and I'll be okay;  that if I call my doctor over nothing, they'll think I'm a hypochondriac and if something serious does happen, they'll blow me off.  I thought maybe they were right.  But when things didn't improve after days of rest and lots of water, I decided to call anyway; even if they thought I was crazy.

When I returned to Florida, I called my OB first thing Monday morning.  I explained to the nurse practitioner what my heart rate and blood pressure was at my oncologist's office.  I explained my symptoms and that it felt identical to the tachycardia I had a few years ago.  She said it is absolutely not normal and I need to come into the office as soon as I could.
Into the office I went.  I sat in the waiting room for 20 minutes, then walked back to the exam room.  I sat there for another 10 minutes before a medical assistant came in to check my blood pressure.  Again, it was low.  Then after another 20 minutes of waiting, the nurse practitioner, L, came in.  She listened to my heart and told me my heart rate was 103.  Definitely a little high for having done nothing but sit in a chair for the past 30 minutes (plus 20 in the waiting room before my walk to the exam room). She then asked me to tell her what all was going on.
The first thing she said was, don't go to social media.  She said that they see far too many women who come in saying their mommy friends gave them advice and it was wrong.  She said, "People believe experiencing something makes them an expert.  People believe their situation is everyone's situation.  Having a baby or even ten babies does not make you an expert.  No one, except a licensed or trained professional, should offer advice on certain situations.  Medical situations are one of them.  Please, next time, just call us first."  She was super nice about it but I felt like I was being reprimanded haha.
However, many of the mamas that offered me advice were right, in some sense.  The nurse practitioner explained that my symptoms, to a much lesser degree, can be normal.  She said, yes, the extra blood flow can make women extremely fatigued and even the smallest activities can make you dizzy and very winded.  And it's even more common in smaller women such as myself.  So while she said that's surely aiding in it, she thinks it is my tachycardia or something similar and is referring me to a cardiologist.  She said her main concern is that sitting at rest for 30+ minutes has my heart  above 100 with my blood pressure far too low.
I think she could sense the concern in my eyes because she then assured me that everything would be okay and it shouldn't be a major issue.  She explained that heart issues are seen in a lot of women during pregnancy and they leave just as quickly as they came once the baby is delivered. She also told me beta blockers are perfectly safe to take during pregnancy so it can easily be managed.

The nurse definitely eased my mind and I'm thankful that I'm on my way to getting answers.  She sent me on my way with strict guidelines to rest until I saw my cardiologist and we could get this under control.  No activity.  No cleaning, no laundry, no dog walking, etc.  "Make the bed and couch your best friend.  Rely on your husband to take care of the house and dogs."  Can I get that in writing?  (Just kidding, Nick has been amazing at doing everything around the house, even while he himself was sick these past few days.)
Unfortunately, the cardiologist called that afternoon and they cannot get me until the 14th.  That is a LONG time to sit and rest for a girl that doesn't sit still well (what can I say, I'm my father's daughter).  I'm going on day four since that appointment and I'm going insane.  I need to get up.  To move around.  To clean and organize and put Christmas away and play with my new items and start clearing out guest bedroom #2 to start the nursery and shop.  And by need to do these things, I mean I want to.  I'm so over laying in bed or on the couch!  My poor husband is surely tired of my whiny "I'm boooooorrrrrreeeeddddd" plea over and over.  He's also getting the wrath of my depression and anger that's setting in from doing NOTHING!  These next two weeks need to fly by so I can get an answer and get a fix!


So long story short:
Oncologists visit went well, for what it could, other than my heart rate and blood pressure.
I will now still ask for advice on Facebook, but understand that everyone is different and your situation is not mine, just like mine is not yours and I will seek my OB's advice asap.  I understand some women truly want to help and others just want to be a know-it-all.  I think I now know who I can trust.
I'm on strict rest guidelines until I see a cardiologist.
I shouldn't be too concerned because whatever it is is most likely not serious and will be easily treated and manageable.


Have you ever experienced a heart issue during pregnancy?
Have you ever put off a doctor because someone else told you it was nothing or normal?

Note: to anyone who commented on this status and told me it was normal and you experienced something similar, don't feel badly!  I would have done the exact same thing.  After all, you're just trying to help and have nothing more to go off than your own experience.  I know that the majority of you offered advice from genuine concern and wanting to offer support, and I thank you.  My nurse and my annoyance came from those who not only offered their experience, but clearly told me I shouldn't contact me doctor, and, essentially, diagnosed me themselves.  I appreciate those that try to help and ease my mind, but not those that are condescending and think they know my body better than myself or a doctor.  I still plan to ask my friends via this blog and social media for advice because I trust the majority of you and you all put me at ease.  I just now know whom I can trust and whom I have to just ignore ;)

Pregnancy Update: Week 18

Look who is finally posting her pregnancy update during the correct week!  This girl!!  I'm currently in my 18th week AND you're getting the 18th week update.  Crazy!  But don't get used to it.

How far along?  18 weeks

Baby size?  The size of a sweet potato, measuring around 5.6 inches long and weighing about 6.7 ounces.

Baby progress?  

Weight gain?  Nothing more since last week, so a total of 3 this pregnancy.

Stretch marks?  Nope!  

Sleep?  Sleep is still great!

Symptoms?
Morning sickness?  18 weeks strong without it!
Food aversions?  None.
Urination? At least every 1.5 hours
Acid reflux?  Bad but not worse than last week.  
Fatigue?  Majorly.  But we've since found out it's not normal.  I had been ignoring it because I made the mistake of taking to social media and asking others and everyone assured me it was normal.  I went to see my oncologist while home for the holidays and learned my heart rate is high and my blood pressure is really low.  Again, everyone on social media said it's normal and I'll get used to it.  I'll write a different post about my symptoms soon, but after seeing my OB upon my return to Florida, she told me never to ask social media again; people think because they've had a baby and experienced something, everyone's situation is the same and they're experts.  What I'm experiencing is absolutely not normal and thus I have an appointment with a cardiologist :(  So until then, very minimal activity and lots of resting on the couch and bed.  

Disclaimer: I know that almost everyone who offered advice did so with concern and the best of intentions. However, there were some that wrote me novels that I was overacting and that I shouldn't call my doctor with every little symptom because when something major comes up, they'll blow me off. The majority of my social media friends simply offered their own experience, something I myself would have done. And only a few told me not to contact me doctor. To those of you that shared your experience and offered advice based on that, I thank you. Because you did ease my mind. The negative nancy peeps, well they're a different story!
Pregnancy brain?  I can't talk.  Nothing I say makes sense.  I pause in the middle of each sentence trying to think of what word I'm trying to say.  "Do you want to go to the....umm...what's the place that sells food?"  "Grocery store?"  "Yes!  Do you want to go to the grocery store?"
Emotional:   Yep.   Anything on tv or the radio makes me cry and I get mad very easily.  Poor Nick
Itchy skin:  Still the legs. 


Cravings?  Still the same:  corn dogs, wings, pizza, and fries plus now add in Krispy Kreme.  It's my first sweets craving.

Movement?  Still not sure.  I think so, but it's not strong enough or frequent enough for me to be certain.

Workouts & Activity?  Obviously not until I see a cardiologist and get things under control.  I got a prenatal yoga dvd for Christmas and I'm dying to use it!!

Others?  

How are you feeling?  Still frustrated with this heart issue.  But overall, I feel great!

Best moment this week?  A woman at the store could tell I was pregnant. So I'm happy my belly is getting fuller and I don't appear to just be a thin girl with some belly pudge.

Worst moment this week?  Being told I can't do anything but rest.  That doesn't work well for someone like me.

What do you miss?  Being thin.  Hey, I'm just being honest.  Don't get me wrong, I love looking at my bump and knowing it's because I have a life, my son, growing inside of me.  But I'm also sad that I'm not old thin and active self.

Things that suck?  Going out to eat and only being able to eat 1/3 of my meal because my already smaller than average tummy is now smaller because it's squished.   I mean, left overs are great most of the time but there are just some things that don't reheat well or don't taste nearly as good as they do fresh from the kitchen!

Things that don't suck?   Nick kissing my belly and saying goodbye or hello to Baby Obie when he comes home or leaves for the day.

Finally getting a Roomba.  I've been wanting one for a while and Nick didn't think we needed one yet.  I then told him how as I get bigger and when the baby comes, he'll be taking over a lot of the vacuuming so if we get a Roomba, he won't have to.  (could be true).  So on Black Friday, we bought one but waited until Christmas to open it.  Let me just say, sitting on the couch while a robot vacuums for you does NOT suck!  I don't even feel guilty for playing the pregnancy card!