I have mixed feelings about it. I'll be honest, I didn't really miss Nick. Does this make me a bad wife?? Maybe. It's not that I don't Love him. It's not that at all. And although I've been with him consistently for 8 months, what's "normal" for us is to not see each other for 3-6 months at a time. We did that for four and a half years. So not seeing him for 8 days wasn't really that big of a deal. (And he felt the same way. When I asked him, "Do you miss me?", his reply was, "Ummm...not really." lol so I didn't feel as badly.)
[But I also think my not really missing Nick stems from the fact that my mind and heart and emotions are 100% on my Grandfather.]
The times I did miss him were when I simply needed a hug. Anytime you go through something hard, such as this surgery with Grandpa, you want those you're closest to there for you. For me, I wanted my best friend...my husband. It would have been nice to have Nick to lean on. To cry to him that first night we left Grandpa. That was the hardest. It was also hard to leave Saturday night....saying goodbye to Grandpa...and Grandma. I wish I could have had Nick to lean on and cry.
Last night was hard. I stayed at the hospital with Grandma until about 8:45pm. Then Grandma decided it was time to leave. The entire time she was packing up all of her stuff, Grandpa was lying in bed. Very quiet. His face looked tense. Once coats were on, I walked to the side of the bed. He started crying. I tried to hold my tears back. I did not want to leave him. I know he'll be okay. But I had an amazing week with my Grandparents. It's not ideal but I can't recall the last time I spent so much time with them. I hate that I can't spend time with them often anymore. As they are aging, our time is limited. I think we all know this. I think this is why the goodbye was upsetting. Grandpa thanked me for coming and I told him not to thank me. I would have walked there if that's what I had to do. My family is one of the most important things in my life and my place was next to his bed, with the rest of my family. I was happy to be able to be there. Thankful to be able to spend 14 hours everyday sitting in his room. And I'm thankful he's recovered so well! It did make leaving easier knowing he will be okay and he should be going home soon.
Last night, I was upset. I didn't want to leave my family. I love them all so much and love being home. Thankfully, my mother slept with me that night =) Helped calm my mind and allowed me to get a little sleep.
We woke up at 3:30am and headed to the airport. Saying goodbye to my mom and sister just gets harder. [Which I should have expected because my goodbyes with Nick only got harder over the years.]
I walked through security with tears streaming down my face and I'm sure everyone thought I was an idiot. I just wish more than anything that we could move back to St. Louis to be near my family. I miss them more than I could ever express. But I don't want to get into that...I don't need to have the ugly cry going on right now.
I landed in Pensacola late morning and Nick was there. He hugged me for such a long time and it felt so good. That's the comforting hug I'd been wanting all week. I felt badly that I wasn't more excited to see him. I was excited to see him. Hugging him made me realize that I did miss him but my heart was still in St. Louis with my Grandpa. I still wanted to be by his side.
We got home and I was SO freaking excited to see my pups!!!!!! We had webcammed one night while I was at home and Yadi was jumping on the desk and so excited to see me. I couldn't wait to get them out of the crates and love on them!
Their love and kisses and excitement were just what I needed. It took them about 15 minutes to calm down but I didn't care. I missed these crazy kids so much!
Unfortunately Nick had to leave as soon as we got home for a study group. I was beyond tired seeing as I only got 3 hours of sleep last night. I decided to spoil the dogs (and myself) so we went in Guest Bedroom #2 and all climbed in bed (this is the bed they are allowed to sleep in, only with our permissions...such as after their surgical procedures or a night we just want to cuddle. But know this is the ONLY bed they are allowed on and never get on the other two beds in the house.) We all climbed in bed and took a nap together. And it felt so great!
So that's my update. I'm home. I'm happy to be surrounded by my husband and my dogs.
But I'm missing my Grandpa and the rest of my family so much. I just can't wait until he's home and feeling 100% back to his old self. I cannot wait until I get to go home and see him again!....whenever that may be!
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