Life with the Obies: "Official" 5 Year Anniversary

Today, Nicholas and I have officially been together for five years.

I say officially because we started "dating" (as much as you can date with states between you) in late December of 2006 but did not become "boyfriend and girlfriend" until April 6, 2007.

I know some of you know our story, but some of you don't. And even though it is a tab at the top of this blog, I feel today is a good day to tell this story.

At Mizzou, I met a guy, we'll just refer to him as Ex. And for some unknown reason, I dated him for quite some time (about 2 years-ish)- (he was very far from my type...disgustingly muscular, arrogant, an ass, no respect for his family, bad temper (never towards me), didn't eat fast food or junk food, didn't sleep in, education was of no importance, no drive or ambition, no dreams...my opposite in all the bad/wrong ways.)
Obviously because we were dating, I met a lot of his friends, who became good friends of mine. Ex was kicked out/dropped out Mizzou and moved back home to St. Louis. When I would go home, I would spend time with Ex at his apartment, with his roommates. While we were dating, Nick (know to me and everyone else as Obie) moved into Ex's apartment. The two did NOT get along. (Nick and Ex shared the same best friend, Jason, who also lived there...which is why Nick moved in.)
I was not to hang out with or talk to Nick because he "was an asshole." Now, if you've seen a picture of Nick, you could say "Oh yeah, I totally see it." Nick doesn't smile often. He's shy and quiet. His straight and content face is one of "I could murder your kitten"....he just always looks so mad and mean. Add in the fact that he doesn't speak makes him seem even more angry or stuck up. Who was I to question my then-boyfriend? Especially when Nick seemed to fit this description.

As told, I never talked to Nick, which was hard.

Shortly after, Ex proved his ultimate doucheness and cheated on me....apparently with multiple women, and I broke up with him. (But he made sure to let me know it was my fault because I wouldn't have sex with him and he needed it.....as I said, douche.)

Obviously I stopped seeing all of his friends, but through Facebook, kept in contact with John, who had always been one of my favorite friends of theirs.

Fast forward, and I become diagnosed with cancer. I have a body mutilated with scars, I'm disgustingly thin, I am bald, I am broke, I have baggage.

At the very, very end of chemotherapy, which was the end of all treatment, I come home from class to an AIM message on my computer from an 'Obie' on my laptop. It says, “Hey Melanie, this is Nick. I’m not sure if you remember me.” I tried to think of any Nick’s I knew and couldn’t. Then I thought about the “Obie” in the screen name. I only knew one Obie. I called John and asked what his friend Obie’s real name was (in three years, I never really thought about the fact that Obie probably wasn't his real name). He told me Nick and asked why. I explained that I had received an IM and was confused. John replied, “Oh yeah, I meant to tell you he asked for your screen name.”

I replied to Nick and we began talking. It was just small talk and getting to know each other again. I found out that he had enlisted in the Navy and had gone through boot camp, A School, and was now in Power School in Charleston, South Carolina.
After about a week of hours a day of talking via instant message, I finally decided to tell Nick that I had just battled cancer. It wasn’t something I wanted a lot of people knowing but Nick seemed nice enough to not think of me any differently. He had no idea that I had battled cancer and told me about how his mother did the same not too long ago and he actually took care of her.

Nick had started to become a good friend that I could open up to….and I did not trust many people recently. He understood the things I was talking about...something not many people did (not through their fault, but because cancer hadn't touched many close to me).
I confided in Nick all of my fears, worries, and concerns. I told him I was really scared of being alone the rest of my life. I was worried that no guy would ever want to be with me because I had a giant scar down the middle of my stomach, two round scars on the sides of my belly button; I was so incredibly thin; I was so pale; I was bald and wearing a wig; I might not ever be able to have children; I had a lot of baggage and no one would want to worry about losing me to a relapse. Guys stay as far away from baggage as possible! Nick assured me that would not happen and that someone would be able to see past all of that. I said "yeah" but in my head was saying "you're just saying that to ease my mind."

Long story short, we continued talking and Nick fell for me...quickly. I fell for him shortly after. Then after we realized we liked each other, Nick admitted to me that he knew before he ever instant messaged me that first day that he knew I had cancer. It was actually the sole reason he contacted me. When he heard I had battled cancer, he wanted to be there for me. He knew what it was like to deal with it closely because he took care of his mother. Nick thought that I might be feeling alone because no one my age could relate since no one had cancer. He also thought that no one could relate because not many people dealt with it so closely, such as a parent they had to take care of. But he could. He wanted to be there for me as a support system that I might not have. Neither of us expected it to develop further.
He came home on Christmas leave and we hung out. He text him on New Years Eve inviting him out with us, not expecting him to come. I liked him, but wasn't sure of his feelings for me yet. I figured he would not leave all his best friends to come downtown to see me. But apparently he got my text and ditched his friends saying "I gotta go see about a girl." It was then I realized he shared some feelings for me.

Apparently Nick fell hard and fast. We finally stopped beating around the bush and it was clear we liked one another. Nick made multiple comments and attempts at making things official between us but I wasn't having it.

I had been severely hurt by Ex and wasn't sure I could trust guys.

On top of that, I was 22 years old. I have always been a relationship kind of girl. At this point in my life, I was not wanting to just date. I was searching for the person I would spend the rest of my life with.

Nick was in the military. I did NOT want a military lifestyle. I did not want to uproot myself and leave my family. I was too close with them. I did not want to leave my friends. I did not want to leave my hometown. I hate change. I hate uncertainty. I'm a planner. This was not what I wanted.

Thank goodness for my best friend and roommate, Jessie. She simply said "I understand all of that, but Nick is too good of a guy to pass up."

I kept dwelling on what she said. I knew she was right but I couldn't bring myself to admitting that to him. I couldn't bring myself to commit to a military man. I wanted a boyfriend that lived in my town! I was tired of having an every other weekend boyfriend, like I had with Ex. If I dated Nick, it'd be even worse!

I still hadn't made up my mind when Nick had plans to come into St. Louis to be the best man in his best friend', Jason's, wedding. He had asked me to be his date and I agreed. I invited him to come to Mizzou and then we'd travel to St. Louis together that Saturday.

Nick was in town for just one hour and I knew Jessie was right. Nick was a risk I needed to take. If I didn't, I'd lose a great guy. A guy that doesn't come around too often. I'd always wonder what could have been.

So after going out on a movie and dinner date that night, he was browsing Facebook. I said, "So how are you going to introduce me tomorrow to people at the wedding." With a very annoyed voice, he responded, "I don't know. I guess I will just say, "This is my date, Melanie."". I then said, "Orrrrr....you could say, 'This is my girlfriend, Melanie.'" He looked up from the computer, eyes so wide, childish grin on his face and said, "Really?"

And we became official!

Nick was the greatest risk I ever took. I know he was meant for me. We started out as best friends and fell In Love. Nick came into my life during a time that I felt lost and alone. My world was dark. He made me see that I was not alone. He picked me up and saved me. He put a smile on my face. He Loved me. When I was afraid no one would love me in spite of cancer, Nick fell in love with me BECAUSE I had cancer. He demonstrated the true meaning of friendship and Love. Ever since our first conversation, Nick has been one of my biggest supporters. Even though he’s been 1000 miles away from 2006 to mid-2011, he’s always there for me in any and every way he can be. I am truly blessed to have this wonderful man in my life and I would not be where I am today without him. He keeps me smiling. He’s my faith when I lose sight. He’s my strength when I feel like lying down and giving up. He’s kept me alive. All because he decided to reach out to someone he barely knew in her time of need.

I am happy to say I have married my best friend and he continues to be my biggest supporter. Not a single 20th goes by without him wishing me "Happy 20th" and reminding me how many days it's been since remission (I got my first clear scan on November 20, 2006). When I'm feeling weird and worried of relapse, he never tells me I'm being silly or overdramatic. He just holds me and reassures me of my strength and that everything is okay. I'm strong and there's no way the cancer is back. He's my rock. He is my world. I am so blessed to have him in my life.

A lot has happened in these past 5 years. Through it all, the good and the bad, Nick and I have been there for one another. The distance has not affected us in a negative way, never hindering our Love and support. It's only strengthened us. While this life is not how I pictures, or even how I would prefer it, our love and strength through these past five years lets me know we will overcome anything this crazy life throws our way.

I Love You, Nicholas. Thank you for a wonderful five years together. I look forward to the next 120 together ;)