"...They Who Wait Also Serve.' We all know that when sailors go to sea, the challenges at home continue, and our military spouses bear the burden each day in support of their loved ones and in service to their nation. We thank our husbands and wives for their constant patience and steadfast understanding as they often face challenges at home or celebrate life events without us. Though they may not wear the uniform, it is their honor, courage, and commitment that sustain us."
- Admiral J. W. Greenert
Chief of Naval Operations
Today is Military Spouse Appreciation Day. It's a day to recognize those strong spouses of military members.
This is my first official MSAD. In the past, Nick has always made sure to thank me for everything I did for him. Because to him (and me), it's not just the spouses that need recognition. Girlfriends and fiances put up with a lot of crap too and I feel they should also be appreciated on this day.
Some people get so worked up over this day. In a Facebook group, a woman actually said "If your husband isn't currently deployed, I don't feel you need appreciation today." Talk about a jaded wife! One of her friends, if she has any, should buy her a bottle of wine and a vibrator.
My husband is not deployed and I am very thankful for that. I know we are lucky because I do get to see him everyday. I might not get much interaction one some days, but I get to sleep beside him every night. Others are not as fortunate.
Despite my husband being deployed, I do feel I am entitled to some appreciation. Not much. Just a simple "thank you". It's really all it takes. I love when my husband recognizes the things I have to deal with or the sacrifices I've made. Yes, I willingly do them because I love him but it's always nice to have it recognized once in a while.
I've now been a "Navy Wife" for 11 months (exactly!). In these 11 months I've had to do one of the hardest things I've ever done. I moved far away from my family, friends, and the only life I knew. There is no way to describe how incredibly close I am with my family, especially my mother. This alone made moving away very hard. I cried...a LOT on the drive from St. Louis to Annapolis. I cried 50% of the nights we lived in Annapolis (9 weeks). It was very, very difficult for me.
I left my friends and had to make all new ones. I wasn't even sure how to do that! I hadn't HAD to make new friends since 1st grade when I came to a new school. How do you "make friends" at the age of 26?! The last time I did this I simply said "Want to come over to my house and play?" If I tried that line now, I'd be pegged as the "Creeper Wife" and I'd be sure to have zero friends. {Advice, I have found that "Want to come to my house and drink some wine" works rather well ;) }
I left a job that I loved, working with people I loved. I came to Pensacola, Florida where the job market is pretty much non-existent. A place where employers only want to hire "local graduates". A beach town looking for employment from high schoolers, not "over-qualified" (which is bullcrap) people like me. Because of this, my self-worth has taken a drastic spiraling plummet downward.
I'm having to put off nursing school for lack of programs close to me. Having to put off my dream career for my husband, because he can't control where we go or how long we stay. We're having to discuss how to make this dream happen, which inevitably means we're going to have a long distance marriage. (Which we're okay with, but it's not our ideal situation.)
Moving away from my doctors. Might not seem like a big deal but with all the complications and ongoing issues...with the rarity and severity of my case, I felt 100% comfortable having all my doctors in one place. Just a short drive away if anything happened. Now I'm in a place with doctors who don't know me, don't know my history, don't know what my insides look like now, don't know where to look for things, don't even know what my cancer was or have ever heard of it. It's an incredibly unsettling feeling.
I moved from a city where there are always lots of things to do, lots of things going on, lots of things to see, .....to Pensacola, Florida. Don't get me wrong, the beaches are amazing. But that's about it. It's a LOT different than home. The people are nice but it's not my hometown. I was uprooted from the only life I knew, the only place I really knew to a completely different place 12 hours from my "old life".
Leaving my family and friends. Leaving my job to not be able to find a new one. Putting off nursing school. Those three things alone are enough to feel I've "done" something to be appreciated.
No, I have not gone through a deployment. No, I have not had to be a single mother with a part-time husband. I cannot imagine how difficult a deployment is. Especially once you have children. I have a HUGE amount of respect for those women and their families.
But us children-less wives have gone through our own fair share of hardships.
I get frustrated with the day to day life we lead. I know it could be worse. I know Nick could be deployed. I'm thankful he's not. But that doesn't mean I'm 100% happy with how life is.
I hate not being able to plan anything.
I'd love to spend a day at the beach with my husband...just us. I'd love to have a date night out to the movies or to dinner. I'd love to work on house projects with him.
But because of how flight school is, nothing can be planned until after 7pm the night before. His schedule is put out at "5pm".....realistically it's not until 7pm. Only then does he know what his "tomorrow" looks like.
Plans are always tentative.
"If I don't have a sim to prepare for...."
"If I don't have something to study for..."
Some days we do get lucky and he'll have a day free.
But I've learned to not get my hopes up. Things change. A lot. It's better to expect to do nothing with him and be surprised and happy when it works in our favor than to tentatively plan something, get excited for it, and then have it ruined by the Navy. I'll spare myself the emotions, thanks.
It's always frustrating to have your husband in the house but not be able to talk to him. Nick spends most of his time in the house studying. If you know me at all, you know I loooooove to talk. And since Nick is my best friend and husband, he's the one I want to talk to most. But I can't. Because he has hours and hours of studying and preparing to do. I find myself thinking "Oh, remember to tell/ask him ______." But when I finally get the chance at dinner or when he calls the next day during a break, I forget. I keep telling myself to buy a small notepad to write it all down in. But when I think "Oh I want to tell/ask Nick _____ but can't. You should write it down, Melanie." I automatically get pissed and think "I don't want to write it down! I hate that I have to write down what I want to say to my husband when he's in the next room!" ...I know, I'm being a baby. But it's annoying. I hate that the Navy dictates almost every aspect of my life, especially mundane things like when I can have a conversation with my husband. (Something is always more frustrating when it's RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU yet you can't "have" it.)
ANYWAY......
the point is, I've sacrificed things I haven't wanted to but did so because I love Nicholas and I want a life with him. Even if it is this life. Don't get me wrong, this life is not all negatives as I'm making it out to be. There are a lot of positives...but all the small positives are hard to combat the magnitude of the negative of being away from loved ones and my "old life".
I am thankful I have a husband who recognizes and appreciates the sacrifices I've made. He knows I struggle with being away from "home". He will randomly come behind me while I'm doing the dishes, wrap his arms around me, and thank me for everything I do for him (dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc) because he knows that I LOATHE being a housewife. He will thank randomly thank me for giving up almost everything to marry him and move to wherever the heck the Navy sends us. He thanks me for respecting and not being (too) whiny about him always being gone or studying when he's home.
When he gets free time, he's more than willing to do something I want to do to show his gratitude.
So back to Military Spouse Appreciation Day....
This afternoon, Nick had to run to the store to get some supplies he needed while studying. When he returned, he had a beautiful bouquet of my favorite flowers in a vase and a card with a sweet note inside telling me how much he appreciate all I have done and all I do and how much he loves me. How he wouldn't be where he is without me by his side through it all. It meant so much to me.
Then later than evening, he told me he was taking me out to dinner to celebrate this day as well. We don't go out too often as we're trying to be smart with our money and pay down some medical and student loan debt. But he felt this was necessary. And who am I to turn down a large glass of my favorite sangria and my favorite pasta dish? So I happily obliged =)
Then we came home, cuddled up on the couch, and watched our Cardinals...one of our favorite things to do together.
It was a simple day but that's all I needed =)
I hope the rest of you wives (and husbands) know how appreciated you are and I hope you all had a great day!!!
I'd like to end this with a poem I've read many times, and have seen plastered all over Facebook today:
I wear no uniforms, no blues or army greens.
But I am in the military, in the ranks that are rarely seen.
I have no rank upon my shoulders.
Salutes I do not give,
But the military world is the place where I live.
I am not in the chain of command, orders I do not get,
But my husband does this I can no forget.
I am not the one who fires the weapon,
Who puts my life on the line,
But my job is just as tough, I am the one that is left behind.
My husband is a patriot, a brave and pride filled man.
And the call to serve his country not all understands.
Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free.
My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do our kids and me.
I love the man I married. Soldiering is his life,
But I stand among the SILENT RANKS known as the Military Wife.
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