Grandpa's Surgery

Here we are, sitting in the waiting room.  Ten of us crammed in this consultation room.

The day started out early.  We (my immediate family) requested to be the ones to pick my grandparents up and take them to the hospital.  We picked them up at 6:45am and arrived at the hospital at 7:15am.  We all walked in and the receptionist was so shocked at the number of people.  She told Grandpa he had quite the team and that we're the biggest group they had seen.  I can't imagine their reaction if ALL of us here were (the Rogles family of 4 are on vacation, two children-in-law are at work, and one grandchild is at work.)  They were so helpful and unlocked this consultation room to give us a little more privacy since we'll be here a while.

They took Grandpa back into a room around 7:45am and began all the pre-op.  He was allowed three people back at a time, so we rotated and took turns spending time with him.  I requested some private time with him.  I wanted to give him a little cancer pep talk.  About how I know he can do this, how hard it's going to be, and how I need to fight this with all he has because I'm not ready to let him go.  That if I can do, this he can do it.  He agreed and said he knew he could beat this.  He knows it will be rough but he's got the right attitude.

Grandpa's surgery was scheduled for 9:30am but it was pushed back to 10:40am.  Around 10:00am we ALL headed back to his room (thanks to the nurses for letting us all back there).  We made a circle, joined hands, and Randy led us in a prayer for healing and peace.  Following his prayer, we all said the Our Father together.  It was very emotional for me (and others) but it provided such a calming feeling for me.  I am so thankful for my family and our faith.

Then we all each said our overly emotional "see ya later"s, "go kick cancer's ass" and "good luck"'s to Grandpa and headed back to the waiting room to give Grandma and Grandpa some alone time.

Around 10:30am, I headed back to his room to see if there were any updates on surgery time.  Just as I got there, Mom, my aunt, uncle, and Grandma were outside the room and they were wheeling him out.  I was happy I was able to be back there to see him off.  The moment he was through the doors, I started praying so hard, pleading with God to not let this be the last time I saw my Grandfather alive.  I know it sounds morbid, but this surgery is very risky.  He has an amazing surgeon so we all feel confident in this surgery.  But as with any surgery, there is a risk like this.  And that only increases with age or other health issues (such as Grandpa's replaced aortic valve in February 2012).

I will admit, this is very hard for me.  Grandpa is fully aware that surgery recovery won't be easy but he's most nervous about radiation because he's been warned it was bad.  And that's the hardest thing for me.  It's so hard for me watch someone I love go through this.  It's so hard to see my Grandfather, who is always laughing and one of the toughest people I know, to look so scared.  I wish I could take it all from him.  I want to take away all of his discomfort, fear, and worry.  I don't want him to go through this.  He's one of the most amazing people ever and he doesn't deserve this.

In the beginning, I was most scared of losing Grandpa.  But now, I'm confident that won't happen.   At least not physically.  What I'm not scared of is how this will affect him...how it will change him.  I'm afraid he's not going to be the Grandpa I know.  Things like this can really change someone, especially someone his age.  He's going through a lot with this surgery.  They're removing his low jaw on the left side.  He cannot have the reconstructive surgery because his heart and body couldn't withstand the 10 hour surgery.  He will be missing half his jaw from here on forward.  Eating will be difficult without that side as well as the lack of saliva.  Following recovery, he's going to undergo some very, very intense radiation and that is what Grandpa is most scared for.  The doctor has told him he is going to hate life and it will by far be the worst of this all.  The other day, he asked me if the doctor was accurate about how badly radiation was.  I didn't want to lie to him so I told him the truth...that about two weeks in, it will be very, very bad.  He looked so scared.  Shaken up.  It broke my heart.  But I didn't want to lie to him...I want him to be 100% prepared because I feel like no one did that for me.  I was taken off guard and did not know radiation was going to be so difficult.  After radiation, he will undergo chemotherapy but was told that will be a walk in the park compared to radiation.
As of now, we're hoping that after surgery, that his pathology report comes back to say that his cancer is a virus.  I'm not too positive of the details on this, but apparently there is a chance that Grandpa's cancer is a virus.  We're hoping for this because it's fought more easily with a less potent chemotherapy drug.  The drug he'll have to receive if it's not a virus is very, very strong.  So strong that it has killed some people.  Sounds scary but it's a risk you have to take because it's the best drug for this cancer.
Grandpa might be 83 years old, but he's in amazing shape and health for his age.  I know he can fight this all.  It will be very hard but he can do it.  Especially with our amazing family by his side.

He's now been in surgery for an hour.  I ask that you continue your prayers and thoughts for him. You have no idea how much my family appreciates it.

(I apologize for any typos.  I have not proof-read this at all and don't plan to.  I'm just too big of a ball of nerves.)